Unemployed husband gives his parents over $10K of his wife's money, gets angry when she separates their finances: 'I'm not gonna work 60 hours a week so he can keep giving our money away'

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  • 01
    AITA for separating my finances from my husband because he won't quit giving his parents money?
  • 02
    Me and my husband have been together for over nine years and separating our finances never occurred to me until this past year. I'm the saver and he's the spender. In the beginning it didn't bother me because we had two incomes and wasn't rich but lived comfortably.
  • 03
    His family has always "borrowed" money from us but rarely ever pay that money back. I personally don't lend money not even to family but I do not stop him from lending to his. A few years ago my husband was in a bad car wreck and can no longer work so I became the sole breadwinner. He now gets disability but that was a four year process. In that time we dwindled our savings to nothing and came close to losing everything. Our debt mounted and there was nothing I could do.
  • 04
    When he received his back pay I only asked him to pay off his vehicle a loan in which I've paid over 50 grand on in the last few years and put some in savings. He did neither. Instead he blew the money. Loaning over 10 grand to his family and paying nothing towards the debt we created.
  • 05
    During this time I was able to save some money from my paycheck but not much and had plans to pay some debts off once I have enough saved. He knew I was saving to do this. About a month ago I noticed over 700 missing out our savings and I asked him what happened!?! He replied with I loaned it to my parents. I asked when he was going to receive it back because that money was already spent and I needed it. He said I don't know when they can afford to.
  • 06
    . He didn't ask me, we I blew up an lost my didn't speak about it. He did it behind my back because he knew it would me off and I would say no if he asked. We had a huge fight. I figured after that fight he would stop. But no... Yesterday I checked my account and another thousand dollars was gone. Gone where u ask? He gave it his parents. I'm so mad I see red.
  • 07
    I flat out told him that as of today I'm done with his parents. I'll pay half the household bills buy our food and that's it. If he wants to lend all his disability to them fine but I'm not gonna go bust 60 hours a week so he can keep giving my our money away.
  • 08
    So AITA for going to the bank and withdrawing all the money I put there and opening a new account he don't have access to? He seems to think I am and says that I should want to make his parents happy. I would like to see them happy I just don't want to pay for that happiness.
  • 09
    Trevena_Ice 8 hr. ago NTA. You should have done that way sooner, if he is like that with money. It seems like he has no sense of how to handle money and no idea of what happen if you are in depts. Sounds like he has this from his parents/family - as they also always borrow money and never pay back.
  • 10
    Separate your finances and also review your relationship, if your husband thinks so little about you. That he put his family way above you, and not even talk about you. But use you as an ATM for his family
  • 11
    zirfeld 6 hr. ago A separation of finances might not be the only separation necessary here. This is not a new behavior since after the accident, it's always been like this, just not that impactful. There's a disrespect for this partnership in general from his side.
  • 12
    Befuddled Polydactyls · 3 hr. ago Not only the disrespect for financial security, but total and complete lack of communication/understandi ng about it would be a deal breaker. If I'm killing myself to alleviate debt, and earlier to be the sole income - giving money away without any kind of heads up would be a deal breaker. He seems to be of the mind that "if it's there, it's available," which isn't the case here at all. I currently
  • 13
    have more money in my checking account than usual, because my massive homeowners insurance and car insurance is coming due - it's there, but certainly not available, it's as good as spent. OP is making one good choice in separating her funds, she might want to consider another.
  • 14
    Emotional Year1372 OP. 2 hr. ago Thank you! I have made an appointment with a counselor after reading many comments. We will go from there.
  • 15
    Prudent_Towel4642. 6 hr. ago Make sure that you open the separate account in at a different bank.
  • 16
    Sea-Leadership-8053 - 5 hr. ago This absolutely because my sister had a separate account in the same bank as her husband. A lady at the bank told the husband about the 100k and she gave him access to it even though he wasnt on the account. Also need to check her credit history to see how many cards he's opens up in her name for his parents to use. It's never gonna get better and staying is just allowing him to be manipulative.
  • 17
    Dubious People Pleaser 7 hr. ago Partassipant [1] NTA but if he's at the point where he's comfortable stealing money, then he is comfortable racking up credit cards and tanking your life together. Check your local laws and see if marital debt is shared. As for the way forward your marriage will only survive if he put your finances first. Right now he is perfectly content letting you starve if it means he can fulfill his parent's request. Two things need to happen. Marriage counseling and a meeti
  • 18
    He may also need individual therapy to cut the financial cord. You also need to take a good hard look at yourself. What are you willing to put up with? What is your breaking point? Do you keep hitting your breaking point and still stay?
  • 19
    Emotional Year1372 OP 7 hr. ago Unfortunately I do keep hitting that breaking point and stay. We have a 8 year old daughter and I want her to have both her parents and didn't feel money was a good reason to leave especially since I love him. I'm just tired of his family.
  • 20
    de_matkalainen • 7 hr. ago Many children have divorced parents. You don't lose your parents just because they divorce. Why do you think that?
  • 21
    Trapped UnderCats - 7 hr. ago The issue isn't the money, though. It's him prioritising his parents over his family with you, and not respecting you enough to communicate about it.
  • 22
    Emotional Year1372 OP 7 hr. ago EXACTLY! 100
  • 23
    PeanutGallery10. 7 hr. ago NTA. Check and lock your credit too, who knows what credit cards he might have opened in your name.
  • 24
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