Parents force 15-year-old to take care of and constantly include his younger sisters, gets angry when he tells the truth in family therapy: 'I said they can't stand me having fun without my sisters'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 16, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Teenagers need their own social lives. Despite doing the same extracurricular activity for nearly our whole childhoods, my sister and I were rarely forced to include each other in our social lives. By the time we were over 13, we had our own things going on, which worked for us. If I were forced to take her to my hangouts with friends she didn't know, we both probably would've resented that. It might be hard as a parent to see one kid have a vibrant social life while the others don't, but the solution to that problem isn't to fumble the social life of the kid with a social life. You should find out what kids without friends like to do and help them thrive within their age group. If you force a 15-year-old to hang out with his younger sisters constantly he'll resent it, and that's exactly what happened here. 

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    AITA for embarrassing my parents in family therapy?
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    I'm (15m) in family therapy with my parents and my sisters Alisha (13f) and Kayleigh (12f). Therapy is pretty new and not going so well. We're not a close family, we have a lot of issues and I know we have extra stresses because Alisha has a lot of complex medical issues and she can't do everything Kayleigh and I can. She
    via u/Any_Swordfish9605
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    needs a wheelchair sometimes, she's on lots of meds, but she can be fine sometimes too and can enjoy life. But she has limitations we don't. And my parents make me feel like they want me to be another adult and not one of their kids.
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    They don't like me spending time with friends. They say I could be home, helping, taking care of my sisters or doing stuff at home for them. When I do go they can make me take one or both sisters. Get angry if Alisha can't join. If I'm forced to take one of my sisters, or both, I can't have fun. I get stuck making sure they're okay.
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    Even birthday parties (like at places and not kid parties anymore) I can be forced to bring them when they're not invited and I get to watch them have fun. If I have fun at something and my sisters don't, then I get in trouble. Happened during our last field trips. I had a great time, Alisha had to leave early because she was sick, Kayleigh had such a bad time. I told grandpa I
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    had a great time and my parents berated me for it. While Kayleigh got to talk about how fun my best friends birthday at the trampoline park was. And she didn't get into trouble for Alisha being jealous and missing out like I would. I got berated for not having fun though. For acting spoiled that I didn't have a good time.
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    They get mad I don't buy my sisters birthday and Christmas gifts. They get mad that I get gifts from my best friends parents. They get mad that I get invited to my best friends family events as a friend for him to hang out with and it's made clear my sisters aren't invited even if it's something they "could be included in". My parents get annoyed when I confide in grandpa. But they also get annoyed if I tell them how they make me feel. Alisha hates being left out which I get. But I'm the only on
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    Now we're in family therapy. My parents are using it to talk about how awful I am. They say I'm making life harder for everyone. They didn't expect me to say how things really are. But I did. After my parents said I act like a 5 year old who doesn't like being the center of attention I brought up in therapy how they treat me and how I feel like they take their frustration about Alisha requiring so much care out on me, how I'm held to a higher standard and they want me to be an adult and not a ki
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    stand me having fun without my sisters or seeing me being the only one having fun, but almost like it when I'm the one not having fun. I at me after the session My parents got so and accused me of embarrassing them. I told them they just didn't want me to speak so openly in front of my sisters which is why they include them. AITA?
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    Immontes 22 hr. ago Your parents are toxic. You deserve a childhood, too. All of you children do but it shouldn't depend on the others. NTA. Hopefully your grandfather supports you, I would ask if he would take you in or help you leave once you are an adult.
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    Any_Swordfish9605 OP 22 hr. ago Grandpa supports me as much as he can. I can't live with him. But he tries to be there for me and to make up for my parents. He has tried advocating for me before too.
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    Vandreeson 18 hr. ago NTA. The only way therapy works is if everybody tells the truth. You told the truth. Just because they don't like the truth doesn't mean it's not true and it doesn't mean you shouldn't speak the truth. If they're ashamed or embarrassed, that's on them. They chose to have three children. They shouldn't be owning iff the care if your siblings on you. They are not your kids and their care isn't your responsibility.
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    Paranoid-Android-77 17 hr. ago Therapist here. A lot of people start couples'/family therapy because they want the therapist to help them bully the other person or people into admitting fault and deferring to them. While it's true that admitting fault is a desirable part of the process, there should be more than one person accepting responsibility for their role in the problem.
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    There is a dynamic involved in family processes and a dynamic always involves more than one person. If your parents aren't ready to embrace these concepts, they are unlikely to continue with the therapy tbh. Without everyone being honest about their feelings and perceptions it's not going to help. Continue being direct with them. It's supposed to be a safe place for you to share your experiences without fear of retribution. ΝΤΑ
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    WhoKnewHomesteading. 17 hr. ago This and make sure to bring up how they treated you for speaking up after first appointment
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    Kangaroo-Pack-3727. 17 hr. ago OP I see that you are frustrated and what you just described, your parents are parentifying you which is not okay. You did not embarass them at therapy, you only the entire truth. They tell you that you embarassed them to stop you from speaking up and asking for help
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    OP you are NTA and my advice to you is keep telling the therapist and your granddad. Don't be afraid to tell a teacher or school counsellor too. You should get in touch with a local teen and children organisation as well as a local support group that help families with disabled kids to get advice and support which I can promise you that they will tell you what your parents did to you is wrong
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    Moving forward, you said you are 15 right? Be very careful OP in case you are starting to apply for a new part-time job or uni, make sure you use granddad's home address or your friend's home address as correspondence to receive your acceptance letters and/or application forms because it be safer that way and your parents cannot intercept and sabotage your uni plans and part-time job plans to stop you from pursuing your studies further and earn
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    money to save. Secondly start coming up with a plan to move out and talk with a friend, granddad or the local teen and children organisation for advice, help and support Update us OP
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    fallingintopolkadots · 22 hr. ago NTA. If your parents didn't want you to share the truth of how your family relationships functions.... then why did they opt to do family therapy? If they didn't want to be embarrassed by having their behavior outed, then they shouldn't have behaved that way. I'm glad you told the truth -- your parents are parentifying you and holding you to an unfair standard that limits your own growth. I hope that the therapist has your back.
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    Any_Swordfish9605 OP 21 hr. ago They wanted me to change my reactions, to do the stuff they want and they figured us doing family therapy with my sisters would make me too ashamed to be fully honest in front of them. They wanted me to spare my sisters feelings by holding back. And changing to be who they want me to be.
    via u/Any_Swordfish9605
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    sissyjones . 21 hr. ago Therapy is not brainwashing...
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    FeuerroteZora · 21 hr. ago We do see an awful lot of posts where families try to use it that way, though. Seems like there are a lot of parents out there who think therapy is just "getting someone else to convince my kid that I'm right." ("We're paying for this, so they should be agreeing with us!") Luckily most (but not all) therapists don't seem to be down with that.
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    Lanternestjerne. 21 hr. ago Info: what did your therapist say?
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    Any_Swordfish9605 OP 21 hr. ago The therapist didn't actually get to react because we ran out of time by the time my parents finished and I finished. She did say it would be addressed at our next session.
    via u/Any_Swordfish9605

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parents of teens teens family drama teenager teenage brother therapy sisters teenagers bad parenting parenting raising teens family sister little sister Parenting Fail
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