Woman Reconsiders Marriage After Her Husband Continually Avoids Buying Her a Birthday Gift: ‘He gave me a handmade note to a spa that never materialized’

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jul 27, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Marriage can be one of the most beautiful things in the world. Going through life with someone, through the thick and thin, and facing the world together is soul opening and enriching. Though it's not always a walk in the park, its challenges still excite both partners to grow and share life together, which bonds them closer and closer. But unfortunately, people change, and sometimes for the worse. 

Though you may think you married someone, they may not turn out to be the person you thought they were. You really have to be with someone for longer to see all their nooks and crannies of behavior, emotional intelligence, and coping mechanisms. That's exactly what brings us to the story here. 

In this Reddit thread, it's obvious this husband just doesn't care. Whether he doesn't care about his wife, his happiness, or life at all is unclear. People have different reasons for doing things, and different manifestations of feelings. But one thing is clear- something isn't right. How hard is it to listen to your wife about her birthday gift? Keep in mind, it's more than about a 'gift,' it's a whole realm of communication and respect that is lacking. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    r/relationship_advice ⚫11 | ThrowRAdiheysk My (F41) husband (M39) didn't get me a birthday present, despite reminders and I am so disappointed and angry. Is this a breakup level offence?
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 02
    Last year when I (F41) turned 40, my husband of 12 years (M39) gave me a handmade note staying "happy birthday! I'll treat you to the spa". That spa visit. never materialized of course.
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 03
    This year, I sent him links to jewellery I would like ($25-50. Money is no issue, we both save north of $5000 each every month and live a very comfy life). My birthday was a month ago. He didn't get me anything.
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 04
    I raised it with him after a week and said it made me sad that he didn't get my anything and I'd love something little. He said he wanted to get me noise cancelling headphones but hadn't bought them because he wanted to check in with me first. It's been 3 weeks now, and of course I still
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 05
    3 weeks now, and of course I still haven't gotten anything.
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 06
    He turns 40 in a month. I want to be petty and give him a handmade note saying that I'll treat him to the spa...
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 07
    The thing that upsets me is that a friend of ours turned 40 and her husband gave her a really expensive gift ($8500) that needed assembling. My husband spent 3 entire weekends helping them put the thing together. And he spent exactly 0 seconds on me
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 08
    even after I said it would mean a lot to me.
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 09
    I am too low maintenance, am I not? And he obviously doesn't care very deeply. I don't want to bring it up again, because I know I will just be more disappointed. But really, this isn't normal, is it? Time for a divorce?
    via u/ThrowRAdiheysk
  • 10
    alchemyandArsenic ⚫ 10h ago Then stop raising the conversation and sit this grown man down and tell him that you don't appreciate him spending three weekends making another man's wife's present when he couldn't bother to
    via u/alchemyandArsenic
  • 11
    get you anything. Quit letting him worm his way out of it because you want to wait three or four weeks on him.
    via u/alchemyandArsenic
  • 12
    Ask him why he doesn't care enough about something that you expressed that you cared about. Be direct. Make your decision from there, but it doesn't sound like your husband likes you very much.
    via u/alchemyandArsenic
  • 13
    Outside-Ad-1677 • 10h ago You need have a sit down conversation and use "I statements".
    via u/Outside-Ad-1677
  • 14
    "I felt unloved etc when my birthday was ignored, I still haven't got the headphones" "I expected XYZ" "I wanted more" "My feelings were really hurt” "I'm feeling resentful and now don't want to do anything for your birthday"
    via u/Outside-Ad-1677
  • 15
    "I need XYZ to happen to fix this issue" Then see what he does. If he continues to know it's deliberate. up, you
    via u/Outside-Ad-1677
  • 16
    jamicam 11h ago "I understand that we are not exchanging gifts or doing anything special for birthdays. That's too bad, I would have liked us to do that for each other. Just giving you the heads-up for
    via u/jamicam
  • 17
    your bday next month - I will not be planning anything for it."
    via u/jamicam
  • 18
    False-Impression... • 10h ago You should book a day at the spa on his birthday and pick up a gas station car deodorizer or something to give him the next day. "Oh, I guess it was your birthday yesterday. Here”
    via u/False-Impression
  • 19
    Actually, that would make me feel like a jerk, and your relationship won't be improved by a race to the bottom.
    via u/False-Impression
  • 20
    I'd probably ask him about his birthday plans as a way to re-open the conversation. "honestly, I was going to ditch you on your birthday and treat myself to the spa day you promised but never delivered, just so you could
    via u/False-Impression
  • 21
    see how hurtful it is, but I don't think that's the right way to improve things. Can we talk about how we handle birthdays? Because I'm feeling hurt and resentful enough it's damaging our relationship"
    via u/False-Impression
  • 22
    00Lisa00 9h ago Just don't do anything. If he asks why say "oh I thought we aren't doing birthdays anymore since you haven't gotten me anything in a couple of years"
    via u/00Lisa00
  • 23
    pamelaonthego 9h ago He doesn't believe he needs to put any effort to keep you. You need to look at what people do, not what they say.
    via u/pamelaonthego
  • 24
    His actions say that you are less valuable than his friend. That he doesn't need to buy you even a small gift for your birthday/anniversary. That he can promise you things and not deliver because despite him doing less than bare minimum,
    via u/pamelaonthego
  • 25
    you will stay. I see a lot of women in these posts say "but I ask for so little." You ask for so little that they think that they can give you nothing. I say match that energy and mentally prepare yourself to
    via u/pamelaonthego
  • 26
    mentally prepare yourself to accept what that will show
    via u/pamelaonthego
  • 27
    Temporary-Charg... 9h ago No this isn't normal, and yes, leave him if he doesn't. make you feel loved and secure in your relationship. You should have many years ahead of you, and you deserve to not feel unloved, ignored, and disrespected
    via u/Temporary-Charg
  • 28
    for the rest of it. And the IRONY of helping his friend assemble the friend's wife's birthday gift, when he gave you NOTHING! It's time to see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row as far as protecting yourself financially. Then divorce. Life.
    via u/Temporary-Charg
  • 29
    isn't always ruled by the big things. A string of little things can be just as hurtful and harmful; maybe even more so. Good luck to you.
    via u/Temporary-Charg

Tags

family drama marriage drama birthday family feud relationships lol couples divorce love family reddit thread Reddit funny dating
Scroll Down For The Next Article