Woman’s Gluten Allergy Starts Family Fight, as Husband’s Cousin Insists She Use ‘Positive’ Language About Food in Front of Daughter

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  • 01
    r/AITAH ⚫ 16 hr. ago Unlucky_Rub_5170 AITAH for refusing to accommodate a family member's simple request?
  • 02
    My husband and I (29F/32M) moved to the south several years ago to be closer to his family. We live in the city about 90 minutes away from his rural hometown now. His family is very traditional and still does a Sunday dinner with the whole family most weeks. We can't make it weekly but we try to attend at least monthly.
  • 03
    I have celiac disease so dinner is a bit difficult. I love his family and they've tried for me but I just have to bring my own food. Cross contamination has shown to be a major problem. I've also learned I have to be firm about it - "I cannot eat that, it will make me extremely sick" or else I'm (admittedly gently) pressured to
  • 04
    "just try some". But over the years, they've gotten much better about accepting me declining to eat. They still offer frequently though.
  • 05
    My husband's cousin and his wife had a little girl about 5 years ago. His wife says she was raised in a house with a lot of really toxic ideas about food and she struggled with disordered eating for a long time and wants to raise her daughter without that. Which I understand and respect but as her daughter is starting to grow
  • 06
    up, she's gotten very sensitive to the word "can't" when it comes to food because she believes it promotes the idea of good vs bad foods. When we do attend dinner, she really hates that I will say, "no thank you I can't eat that" in front of her child rather than "no thank you, I'm not hungry" or something similar to
  • 07
    that. She would turn to her child and say "OP means she doesn't want any right now; there's no kind of food we can't eat!" Which I found a little obnoxious but whatever, she was talking to her kid and not me.
  • 08
    But after the latest dinner, she sent me a text about how disappointed she was that I couldn't accommodate her request to use more positive language around her daughter. I explained that the best way to have the family respect my needs was to be firm about it and that I understood her concerns but
  • 09
    she's going to be starting school in a few weeks where some other children will likely have allergies so it's probably time to inject some nuance to into her approach. 5 is young but not too young to tell "sometimes normal foods will make certain people feel sick so they decided with their doctor that it would be a
  • 10
    good choice to not eat that food again. This doesn't mean that food is bad, just that bodies are all different" or something. I don't have children, that's probably not perfect phrasing but she's a capable kid.
  • 11
    The text I received back was longer and angrier that I expected, calling me a for "telling her how to raise her kid" and "talking about things I know. nothing about". She sent several more berating me and calling me before I just a selfish blocked her. According to my husband, her, his cousin and his
  • 12
    aunt have been vaguely posting on facebook via memes about how some people you call family are back stabbing traitors and like that but other silly nothing directly has been said. about the situation.
  • 13
    I feel she'll be confrontational at the next dinner and I don't know how to approach this. I'm not even sure if I'm right here; my husband supports me but the first step is figuring out if I even owe her an apology so AITA?
  • 14
    Dry_Sandwich_860 • 16h ago Omigod. Do not spend even 30 more seconds worrying about this. You CAN'T eat certain foods without getting sick. That is simply the reality.
  • 15
    You didn't try to parent her child. You have stood back and let her tell her child whatever. However, when SHE raised the topic, you told her your thoughts about your own experience.
  • 16
    Your experience is that people don't fully understand that certain food makes you sick. You suggested how she might explain that to her child.
  • 17
    There is zero that's offensive or wrong about your approach. My advice is that you should prepare in advance for your next encounter with her. Treat her like the crazy relative at Thanksgiving who tries to convert people to a weird religion or hits on
  • 18
    everyone's wives. I.e., resolve to stay calm no matter what. Remember that you know now that she is crazy, so your job is just to keep the situation calm. You don't have to convince anyone else that she is crazy because anyone who isn't crazy will see it.
  • 19
    TheVaneja 16h ago NTA she is. I'd blow up at her myself but whatever you choose she's in the wrong. She certainly isn't making any difference in how willing a 5 year old is to eat with that nonsense. 5 year old kids don't need logic to refuse to eat.

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