Woman Refuses to Attend Her Friend’s Wedding After Learning Her High School Bully Will Be There, Causing Rift in the Friendship

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    TWO HOT TAKE r/TwoHotTakes • 2 days Exciting Trifle5916 AITA for telling my close friend I can't come to her wedding because she's also inviting my high school bully?
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    So the backstory is that one of my closest friends (f 27) is getting married in November. She is also close friends with the girl († 27) who basically tormented me in high school and I knew that she would be at any life events and I accepted that and was up for being uncomfortable. However in
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    January of 2023 I had a bit of a mental breakdown and attempted. Since then my mental health has been on a decline, I've been unable to work, go out alone etc.. for context I have always struggled with my mental health, I have been on and off anti depressants since I was 16,
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    panic attacks, and the bully from high school contributed to my worsening mental health as a teen. Still I previously accepted that I would have to see her from time to time. I understand that she has a friendship with us both and it's not fair for me to ask her to choose between two very close
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    friends. However with my worsening mental health and also my sister is going through something where the court date will be in the same month as her wedding I don't think I can handle being around my bully.
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    So I sent her this message "Since you told me about you getting married I've had this pit in my stomach It's cause I don't think I can hack being around T again | understand she's your friend and I never wanna put you in the position to choose between anyone But I have to put my
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    health first especially cause I can't risk getting worse around H's court case I need to be there for her Since I had my breakdown I can't handle things anymore Just went on a walk and ended up discussing how I was feeling and had a panic attack in the park I don't wanna ruin your day by
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    having menty b I'm so so so sorry and I feel so so sad about missing out on such an important day but it's not fair for me to ask you to not have your friend there for me But I don't think I can be at any event with her there So I would love to be a part of your big day, I'll still love to do your Mehndi
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    and help you shop, decorate, pack sweets whatever you need I just can't do it I'm sorry"
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    She was not happy with this message and basically doesn't want to be friends anymore and thinks! didn't think about her feelings at all, made a decision without talking to her about it. I don't know if it was wrong of me to message her this and now I'm
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    so upset to have lost a friend I've had since year 1. So am I the for sending her this message and saying I can't come to her wedding?
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    • Bo... 2d ago • Edited 2d ago That person is not your friend. And you are NTA. But I do want to say some things: • You're not a bad person/friend for struggling with your
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    mental health or being at risk for a "menty b". You are great and worthy of love and you are not a burden to anyone because of your struggles.
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    . • You are a normal person. (saw this in one of your comments) Normal is such a made up narrow construct that's only recently been used. You're a human being living life and going through
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    stuff. It's taking a toll on you. AKA you're reacting normally. Those are all perfectly normal things. You deserve to give yourself the love of calling yourself normal and sane. You're just
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    . having a hard time of things right now and it isn't feeling so great, but a bad time right now doesn't mean a bad life overall. You're going to get there. By removing toxic people who would
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    befriend your former bully from your life, you will create space for better people. Those people will show you how worthy you are of love and kindness just by being yourself. Trust me. I
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    didn't believe it when people told me this, but I've since developed real, true, two-sided friendships based on mutual desire to be in each other's lives for the good and the bad. You will find
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    your people. Keep on trucking, friend. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's your bright future ahead. You got this ♥
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    edenburning •2d ago Tbh the fact that your friend is friends with someone who tormented you is... Beyond the pale. You deserve better friends.
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    StateLarge 2d ago NTA you are better off without her. One less stress in your life
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    Due_Situation_6849 • 2d ago NTA. Your feelings are valid.
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    hobbitfeet • 2d ago Entirely justified. And I really question what kind of person the bride is, if she could be good friends with someone who tormented you.
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    I generally want to kick people who hurt my friends. straight in the nads.
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    Comprehensive Pu... • 2d ago NTA - Your reasons are valid and totally understandable. The bride's reaction just shows that she's not a true friend. A genuine friend would accept your reasons if they valued and respected you. Her real friend is your
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    bully and that should be enough to tell you that you should not feel bad and to remove this person from your life. Protecting your mental is more important.
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    Sasu-Jo 2d ago Ha, I wouldn't go. NTA. My own older brother married my high school bully. I told him, mom told him, we all told him. We didn't go to his wedding. Dumb broad, left him for another man.
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    Irbikeworks ⚫2d ago NTA Speaking as someone who was bullied and ostracized all through school, I recommend cutting ties with everyone who was friends with a high school bully. Those people rarely change. They just learn to
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    change. They just learn to hide it better.
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    Fredredphooey • 2d ago NTA. Your "friend" thinks that you should ignore the abuse you've suffered to accommodate her unnecessarily. If she actually cared about you, she would have either not invited your
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    bully or said that she understands and let it go. She had chosen your bully as her friend, not you. Telling you that you should have essentially asked permission to not come is unacceptable.
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    Accept the fact that she's not someone who wants to be or should be in your life.
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    Equal-Brilliant2640 • 2d ago Why would you want to be friends with someone who is best friends with your bully? Especially since it still causes you trauma to be near said person?

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