Woman's Mother-In-Law Won't Take Her Dairy Allergy Seriously, Feud Comes To a Head When Every Dish at Dinner Purposefully Includes Dairy: ‘[She] blamed me for ‘causing drama’’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 11, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

Just because you don't believe someone has a food allergy doesn't mean you cook with said food. Also, not believing somebody's allergy is just weird.

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  • Mother-in-laws can often go too far when it comes to bickering with us, the loves of their sons' lives. No, these stories are not just tall-tales; it seems that MILs just typically have issues with the partners their son's choose (for whatever strange, concerning reason that may be).

    Some MILs decide that they get to dictate how you raise your child. Others simply try to outshine you on special occasions. Well, some also try to get an allergic reaction out of you. To clarify: the woman in this story will not get into serious health danger if consuming the allergen. The MIL is also communicative about the fact that there is dairy in the dishes. This is the knowledge of both parties.

    The woman in this story is expressing grief over the fact that her MIL constantly cooks with an allergen that makes her life very difficult, but also gets upset when the women tries to bring her own food to social gatherings. There seems to be no winning between the two. After a dinner where every dish contained dairy, the woman's husband stood up to his mother about how ill-mannered she is regarding her cooking. The MIL expresses that the woman is dramatizing the allergy, but the two eventually talk it out. The woman is still not a fan of the MIL, for reasons explained in her most recent edits. Scroll to read.

  • 01
    My MIL puts an ingredient I'm allergic to in her dishes.
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  • 02
    I, 27 female, have been with my fiancé, 28 male for 5 years. I have an allergy to dairy. No, I won't de, and no I don't just have 'tummy issues'. It's beyond that. Dairy causes such bad inflammation in my body that even a small amount can put me out of commission for nearly a week. I've always had back, knee and general joint issues growing up but I've finally narrowed it down within the past few years. While strictly dairy free, I will go
    via Fantastic_Read_9651
  • 03
    months on end without any serious back or joint pain. The moment I have even the smallest amount, butter on my toast, cheese on my burger, my back will literally go out the next day and I'll be in pretty serious pain for about a week until the inflammation goes down. There have been too many occurrences of missing work, and ER visits before I narrowed down the allergy. Believe me I love cheese, but it's just not worth it anymore.
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  • 04
    My MIL has known of the allergy for the past 4 years. My fiance continues to remind her, however she still somehow finds a way to add some element of dairy to every dish. I put up with it for a few months, as we eat at their house maybe once a month to every 6 weeks, but it's becoming a serious problem.
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  • 05
    For a while I put my trust in her and ate what she made, as she made it clear she would exclude any form of dairy. But following every dinner at her house, I would be in serious pain. I began asking her and reminding her at every meal, and that seemed to annoy her. Just last week, she made burgers, potatoes, corn on the cob and a salad.
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  • 06
    She mixed cheese into the burgers, butter in the potatoes and on the corn, and ranch on the salad. For dessert, an ice cream cake (it was someone's birthday). My fiancé lost it, he reiterated my dairy allergy and his mom goes 'oh, right, well that really '. I told my fiance to just eat and that I'd make something when we got home, he refused and told his mom that if she can't respect a legit allergy (I don't think she believes me), then we won't be coming to dinner in the future.
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  • 07
    Well, his mom first blamed me for 'causing drama' but after a few more discussions ultimately apologized and said she would take it seriously. I'm at the point I don't actually trust her. I generally like his family and I don't want to be the barrier between my fiance and his mom having a relationship. I'm not really sure what to do at this point.
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  • 08
    This is more of a vent but I'm open to advice. ETA: thank you everyone for your comments and words of encouragement! Yes, it could be a sensitivity/intolerance rather than an allergy. I'm really not sure what to call it. No, I haven't been officially tested as I live in America and my health insurance . All that I DO know is that it is the only thing in my regular diet that causes this inflammation and pain, and I would even say that it does cause damage to my body as why else would I be in this
    via Fantastic_Read_9651
  • 09
    I have tried bringing my own food, which tends to cause more drama. And yes, I know I can be a pushover. I have never been good at standing up for myself but it's something I'm working on, thanks to my fiance. I envy all of the commenters who have a back bone lol. As of right now, I'll be eating before hand or afterwards, and simply refusing anything I didn't see her make. I appreciate everyone's advice!
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  • 10
    ETA: to be clear, I'm not asking her to modify every dish to my needs. I'm not asking her to bend over backwards. Setting aside some potatoes before adding butter seems pretty simple in my opinion. Setting aside a plain corn on the cob, leaving cheese out of one burger. I really don't care about the dessert either, if someone's inviting me for dinner and insisting I attend, just have something I CAN EAT. My sister has even crazier sensitivities than I, and I've done this countless times for her.
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  • 11
    gobsmacked247.20 hr. ago Your DH checked his mom. Good for him!! That's half the battle won there. Honestly OP, I would just stop going or just bring my own meal. There is no way she did not recall your allergy. She didn't care. She just didn't count on her son calling her on her . She's back pedaling now but that won't last.
    via gobsmacked247
  • 12
    Brilliant _Report_358 19 hr. ago I was going to say the same about bringing her own meal, and then I'd say something to the MIL like "well I know it's SO hard for you to make dishes dairy free so I wanted to take the burden off you and make it easier" with a super, sweet smile.
    via Brilliant_Report_358
  • 13
    Floomby 15 hr. ago Why even go there at all? If OP doesn't eat MIL's dishes, they will receive a raft of for it and MIL will play the victim. This woman has lost the privilege of having a relationship with you.
    via Floomby
  • 14
    On_my_last_spoon · 19 hr. ago You are correct, and I'd actually say it's more than not caring. She mixed cheese into the burgers. That's not just "forgetting" that full on hostile! OP you are not the reason your fiancé might stop talking to his mother. She is the reason
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  • 15
    Celladoore 19 hr. ago There is zero reason to mix the cheese in, other than making sure there wasn't a single thing OP could eat.
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  • 16
    OrigRayofSunshine · 18 hr. ago She's doing it on purpose. I'm willing to bet she's from a generation that didn't have things like food allergies, or if we did, we put up or shut up. They don't believe these allergies are real, let alone deadly in some cases. To push the point, they'll
    via OrigRayofSunshine
  • 17
    "challenge" the person. My mother pulled that and between that and a ton of other narcissistic control issues, she's no longer part of our family. FAFO isn't something I'm willing to try and good on OPS partner for coming to her defense.
    via OrigRayofSunshine
  • 18
    Volundr79 18 hr. ago No, no, you act like she's just too simple to comprehend cooking any other way, and now we finally understand, so she's free to follow the recipe exactly as written, with no creativity or interpretation at all!
    via Volundr79
  • 19
    SweetWaterfall0579 18 hr. ago How malicious these people are! To prove, what? If I've never heard of that in my life, it cannot possibly exist. Pfft. Milk hurts her back? Butter is going to make her writhe in pain? Oh Are you kidding me? I serve her dairy every single time! She hasn't■ has she? It's all in her head. She's a little cookoowoowoo, I see. *yet,
    via SweetWaterfall0579
  • 20
    KPinCVG 20 hr. ago Your fiance is willing to go to bat for you, which is at least half of the battle. If you ever eat there again, you need to establish a very clear boundary, it sounds like they do things as a family and that overall you like the family. So I would suggest the boundary is if this food makes her sick, then the table. is off "Mom, we're coming for dinner this weekend, you know that OP has dairy allergy/sensitivity. If she gets sick after eating at your house, no matter what you s
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  • 21
    Boundaries are important. You can't make people do things. However, you can very clearly tell them what you will do if they cross the boundary. They have the freedom to decide whether to cross or not. Just as you have the freedom to put them on a timeout that lasts through Labor Day, Halloween, somebody's birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas. Choose a boundary you can stick to with a punishment you're able to enforce. Don't be one of those people who says if you do something "I'm going to ground
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  • 22
    SituationEasy179. 19 hr. ago Now this is ridiculous from your MIL. I suggested bringing your own food in my comment elsewhere. She cannot object to that if she's not going to accommodate your dietary needs. Ludicrous.
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  • 23
    NefariousnessSweet70 19 hr. ago . edited 19 hr. ago Sorry. Not for love or money would I eat food that she prepared. Bring your own meal to her place, and if you set it aside, keep your eyes on it. She has shown who she is. Believe her. She has lost any and all consideration about being upset that you no longer will eat what she cooks. Tough cannolies. ( spelling probably incorrect) She deserves to never see either of them again.
    via NefariousnessSweet70

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toxic relationships entitled parents allergies toxic mother wife reddit story relationships in-law husband entitled people karma incompetence mother in law entitled family Reddit payback toxic relationship parents entitled people
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