'We all do it, but don't TELL them': Woman spends first date listing off her date's personal information, date feels like their "privacy was violated"

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Aug 10, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

First dates can be rough. You're probably using a dating app to meet up with that person based off a few photos and a couple of sentences about themselves. You're meeting someone who's basically a stranger to you. No matter how many people you share your location with, or how many friends you have on board to call you if it goes wrong, it can still be super intimidating to go on first dates. 

On a lot of dating apps, last names aren't available for everyone to see. But that would never stop someone dedicated to discovering information from finding out all about a person's online life. If you've ever Googled your own name, you've probably seen this firsthand. Not only will tons of your own info come up, including your work info, emails, and phone number, but your family's information will be right there alongside it. There are some creepy people out there, and the internet has given them the tools necessary to peek into people's private lives with zero consequences. 

This person is grappling with that fact after embarking on a date with a woman who really did her research. Instead of just looking up this person, u/Komplexs, she found quite literally everything there was to know about them. You can check out the full story below, as well as some interesting insights from commenters about how the original poster can stop that from happening in the future. 

Next, check out the funniest reasons these little kids called emergency lines, like one kid who tried to prank them, only to be told he messed up his own joke. 

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  • 01
    WAS
    via Good Faces on Unsplash
  • 02
    Casual first date knew way too much personal information about me and my family. Am I wrong for being upset?
    via u/Komplexs
  • 03
    First date for drinks at a bar off a dating app. She lived a few hours away so it was a casual encounter. Halfway she lists off a ton of personal info about me, where Im from, my family, their occupations, companies, criminal records, bankruptcies, etc
    via u/Komplexs
  • 04
    Said the background check was mainly for her safety. The date went decent.. Went back to hers and I even crashed for night
    via u/Komplexs
  • 05
    I played it off but It bothered me. I understand a womans need to vet the men they're (casually) dating but felt like my privacy was violated esp with having so much information about my family and I How would you feel?
    via u/Komplexs
  • 06
    Specialist-Radio9960 It is creepy, but also a warning to check out your privacy settings on these sites to try to make it harder 91 Reply Share whatsnewpikachu This is good advice. Probably more unsettling that she found everything online.
    via u/Specialist-Radio9960
  • 07
    BriarKnave According to comments she didn't need to use a shady background check site, she just scrolled through his instagram friends list. Having that much available to to the open, not to victim blame, is kind of your own fault.
    via u/BriarKnave
  • 08
    Buddy-Matt I'm shocked I had to scroll more than 2 responses to see this. This isn't a red flag about the date as much it's a red flag about how much personal information OP is sharing online and in public This date was happy to be upfront they'd done background checks. Assuming Internet dating, I'd say that sounds fairly sensible. But what about all the people who haven't. And when it turns out OP's email password is the name of the nan they frequently post info about... Yeesh
    via u/Buddy-Matt
  • 09
    thebigbroke I feel like the extent of a dating background check should be to make sure you don't have a criminal record or appear on a registry not a deep dive into your family and friends and places you've lived in the last 10 years
    via u/thebigbroke
  • 10
    YourEngineerMom I actually assumed she payed some sort of service for this and just was given all the info... but OP said in another comment that she followed a trail off their Instagram account to find this info. I mean, I'm definitely a creep and low-key stalk my friends when I first meet them, but the MOST info I have ever found was like, current criminal status or immediate family members. I don't go this far, and I know I'm being creepy. Why would she SAY it??
    via u/YourEngineerMom
  • 11
    whatsnewpikachu That's what I'm saying! We all do it but don't TELL them.
    via u/whatsnewpikachu
  • 12
    Comprehensive-Ad3963 +1. This. She's going on a date, not interviewing you for a federal security clearance. 4 Reply Share CarlySheDevil Exactly. That was way more detail than she needed. And there would be no reason for her to share all this with you unless she enjoyed making you feel stalked. Who wants to go on a date and review their previous addresses and siblings' names?
    via u/Comprehensive-Ad3963
  • 13
    LeilaDFW Same. Seems like a power play and very creepy. 354 Reply Share ... Komplexs OP That's what I said.. like I understand the need for safety but that's so creepy. She knew my sister was in the army previous states I've lived, previous addresses. Even asked about a family member that is estranged to us cause we have similar names. Like I didn't want to feel like I'm being judged on a first date. EDIT: Even worse imo, She found my full name through my IG. She went to my tagged posts, found a
    via u/LeilaDFW
  • 14
    trophycloset33 It man but here is a wake up call. This is all public info. Get it blocked or removed ASAP. 224 Reply Share
    via u/trophycloset33
  • 15
    ADHDoll I background check everyone I date but only to see their criminal record. During the free trial with a background checking app, someone I was seriously talking to had "Aggravated Stalking" on his record. Since then, I started paying for the service monthly. Can I check family history and some financial records, yes. But I don't- unless they have given me a reason to think they are married.
    via u/ADHDoll
  • 16
    yoshino219 What is this background check? I've never heard about this, how can it be possible that you can just pay a random app to learn other person's personal things? I can't wrap my mind around it, like, someone can seriously learn about my financial records and family just like that?
    via u/yoshino219
  • 17
    Rough_Grapefruit_796. I use a background check service to vet customers since I don't want to be stiffed for time/materials on big jobs. You can learn basic info about financial records like properties owned, previous bankruptcies, liens on property, and civil cases involving debt.
    via u/Rough_Grapefruit_796
  • 18
    Maclean_Braun I imagine that the background check was mainly for her safety, but it doesn't mean that it's not an uncomfortable feeling knowing a stranger knows details of your life you haven't told them.
    via u/Maclean_Braun
  • 19
    Spyderbeast I think anyone doing a little internet research about the virtual stranger they're meeting on a first date is smart. But blabbering all about it ON the first date? Just no, honey. No, it's not wrong she accessed public information to protect herself. She's just an idiot for not keeping it to herself. She's just getting to know you. Whatever the research revealed to her, she should wait, listen, and see if you hang yourself in a provable lie. But hey, y'all ended up at her place, so i
    via u/Spyderbeast
  • 20
    Squash-Reasonable I'm a dude. Most men overestimate how safe they are. You should have noped the f outta there. You may not live very long taking risks like that.
    via u/Squash-Reasonable
  • 21
    MattR9590 To add to that it's always a good idea to do a quick 15 minute social media check before hand, also make sure you are aware of what you are posting online and who can see it.
    via u/MattR9590
  • 22
    theorys This is such a man story, it's hilarious. 0% of women would have gone back to crash at some dude's pad after he starts telling his date what her parents do for a living. 80 Reply Share ... congrats_its_anxiety Right? I read a story on Reddit recently, posted by a woman, that had a guy she had gone on a date with send flowers to her job. She had never told him where she worked, so it completely creeped her out. It was a nice gesture but knowing where someone lives or works and using that
    via u/theorys
  • 23
    JuicyCactus85 That happened to me years ago before dating apps or social media. I got an Edible Atrangement at work. Except it had originally gone to another office (same company name) nearby. When I received it the card just said "mangos" and my friend and I were trying to think of who would send it. Minutes later I had realized I had told a guy, that I had went on a date with a week earlier, how much I loved mangos. We had jokingly started listing mangos dishes turning the date for like only t
    via u/JuicyCactus85
  • 24
    misterio1 Honestly get away. I played it cool when some girl revealed just how much she knew about me cause it felt nice being that liked by someone that pretty, and when it ended surprise surprise she wouldn't leave me alone. Only time I had to say I would get police involved if she didn't stop. Its a huge red flag and you know it 21 Reply Share Professional_Map4351 Everyone always frames this as a safety issue for women, completely missing the point that this is a safety concern for men as wel
    via u/misterio1

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