Woman's Fiancé Brushes Off Her Medical Emergency and Refuses to Drive Her to the Hospital, Leading Her to Question the Engagement

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    r/relationship_advice u/Zestyclose District64 • 15h My fiancé 32M wasn't there for me when I thought I was having an emergency 30F. How would this make you guys feel?
  • 02
    My fiancé 32M and I 30F have been together for 3 years. Last night I broke out in hives from head to toe at 1AM (this has never happened before). I am a medical provider and stood in the bathroom considering whether this would be life threatening and if I should seek medical attention before waking my partner up. I decided since this has never happened I should go to the ER and wake up my partner. His response to me was, "you know I can't drive you." I asked him several times and each time he to
  • 03
    All because he has a big exam on Monday and I suppose the idea of dropping me off at the hospital a mile away was just not in his plans. I ended up driving myself... and once I got in the car he then starts to call me apologizing and checking in.
  • 04
    I am someone who is very empathetic and nurturing and always there for him. I am appalled my partner wasn't there for me in a time of need and I feel this is a really telling moment about his character. Today... he is super apologetic and knows he was wrong. He's apologized several times and has acknowledged that he should've been there for me and how lonely I must have felt. He said it felt like a bad dream and he knows he should've sprang into action.
  • 05
    However, if this was a serious medical emergency I now see how little support he is. I need advice... How would you guys feel about this if you were in my shoes? 962 461 D
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    Which_Atmosphere_685 • 13h My throat started to close in the middle of the night because of an allergic reaction. I took the ambulance and had no way home at 4am. I sent a text to my friend asking her to pick me up. My phone died before she could respond so I had no way to get home. When I was discharged she was waiting in the lobby for me. She came even though I sent one text at 4am. I'm glad she was awake. I'm so grateful she came and showed up for me. Your partner should be doing all of the a
  • 07
    whatsmypassword73 • 14h Pay attention because he showed you who he is. Life is unpredictable and several close friends have had catastrophic/life changing diagnoses. If you marry the right person you will have a partner that will do anything for you. Selfish people make lousy partners. Reply 2k
  • 08
    ZestycloseDistrict64 OP. 14h I am just so let down because of this exact reason. I'm an ICU nurse and I treat sick patients with life threatening illnesses everyday. It just made me feel like I'm really not in a supportive relationship and really low priority रु भी ট961
  • 09
    YourGlacier • 13h He probably was attracted to how kind you are. My dad has had 3 wives (really abusive guy whose true colors only showed after marriage) and all 3 worked in healthcare. He loved being doted on and supported, but when his first ex wife who was a doctor was having an ectopic pregnancy he refused to drive her and she nearly died. He cried and was so sorry, but later confessed to my mom (who was a nurse at the time--and he said this after they were married, of course!) that he hoped
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    RememberKoomValley • 13h If the hives had progressed to respiratory anaphylaxis, you'd be dead. I know of someone who went into respiratory arrest on the road to the ER. No one to help him, and no breath to call 911. What good is a partner who doesn't help you? 349
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    RugBurn70 12h This was my thought. I've had several family members who've gone into anaphylactic shock and stopped breathing. Fortunately, they had people around that were able to get them to emergency help in time. Even my brother's teenaged, stoner buddies were more help than op's partner. They at least knew to throw him in the truck and drive to the nearest ranger station. 96
  • 12
    Arf265 • 11h People always portray their best selves until the rings are on, beware. ← 44
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    Billowing_Flags • 11h I, personally, wouldn't give him another chance! What if next time it IS fatal or completely debilitating? All the apologies in the world won't make up for his selfish choice! Also, he is 32yo FFS, he's not a child or new to dating/adulting.
  • 14
    I made the mistake of staying with someone who was NOT supportive when I was ill (nearly died of a blood clot days after delivering our child). Eleven months later I had a gallstone attack; he wouldn't stay up with me because "there's nothing I can do for you." Ended up waking him up to take me to the ER.
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    Don't be a slow learner like ME! Save yourself the agony and disappointment and learn from others' (in this case MY) experience! There are plenty of men who WILL support you as you support them! 16
  • 16
    peakpenguins • 15h Early 30s Female Twice in our marriage my husband has gotten out of bed to drive me to the ER despite having work in a few hours. I'd feel pretty bummed in your shoes too. I don't really get why an exam on Monday would prevent him from taking you to the ER on what I assume is a Friday night/Saturday morning? Reply 688
  • 17
    Zestyclose District64 OP. 15h Which is what a loving, supportive partner should do! I would've jumped right out of bed. I just feel there's absolutely no excuse in any circumstances why he felt he couldn't take me in that moment. ↑ 335
  • 18
    Fickle Revolutionary • 14h When I was dating my ex, I had an emergency about 2 years into our relationship and while I was driving myself to the ER, and after I'd called my best friend to meet me there I realized that I hadn't even considered calling him. He had a history of not picking up the phone or not showing up when it was important. That was my "ah ha" moment. We broke up less than a year later. Also, I was a medic at the time and my partner was in med school. Reply 142
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    greenbastardette • 15h I wouldn't feel great about it. It would definitely cause me to reflect on how he'd treated me at other times when I'd needed him. Even in times that aren't quite so intense as a medical emergency, does he show up for you? Or do you find you mostly need to rely on yourself because he can't be bothered for one reason or another? It's the patterns of behavior that are crucial to keep an eye on / take into consideration when evaluating the relationship. Reply 170
  • 20
    paper_wavements • 14h . I would feel...like ending things. I can tell you're a caring person, OP. Think really hard about whether this is the first time he's put his wants ahead of your needs. Ask yourself if you're often putting yourself last in relationships (even platonic). Consider therapy or even CoDA meetings to address this if need be. Reply 65
  • 21
    Once-and-Future • 14h He can't drive you 1 AM on Saturday because of an exam on Monday? Either he never really woke up before you left and his subconscious anxiety over the exam was speaking, or he's a failure as a human. You know him best, which do you think it was? Reply 56

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