26-year-old woman sets deadline for roommate’s boyfriend when a one-week stay turns into five, gives him the option to start paying for utilities but he refuses to stop freeloading: ‘It feels like I’m sponsoring a staycation’

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a "temporary guest" turned into a full-time, rent-free roommate? It's unfortunately not an uncommon situation. One moment, you're doing your flatemate's boyfriend a favor out of the kindess of your heart, and the next, the weeklong stay has stretched into five weeks of free showers, borrowed groceries, and vanishing toiletries. He's even turned your personal space into a gaming lounge! 

What do you even do in this situation? If you're the narrator of today's story, you might try to get him to pitch in on utilities and vow to stop raiding your fridge as a compromise for a longer stay. However, the freeloader in question didn't react well to the idea of pulling even a fraction of his own weight. In fact, he went and accused her of being "controlling" for not wanting to bankroll his extended sleepover. 

Back in my early 20s, my roommates and I came to the agreement that guests were like leftovers. That is, having a little bit is fine, but once they start to linger too long, they start to stink up the fridge, so to speak. We all tolerated each others' partners or siblings spending the night over the weekend, but if the number of nights crept into week-long territory, tensions rose fast. It's not an easy balance; no one wants to be the unempathetic roommate, but no one wants to end up funding a staycation, either. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my roommate's boyfriend he has to pay £100 toward utilities or move out after his "one-week" stay hit five weeks?

    Angry woman in argument with a man
    via Dean Drobot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 02
    (F27) share a 2-bed flat with a roommate (F26). Her boyfriend "stayed for a week" after his lease ended. We're on week five.
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 03
    In that time he's been showering twice a day, cooking with my pots/spices, pouring my milk/ using my eggs, and my shampoo
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 04
    keeps magically shrinking. Our smart meter's been climbing and the water bill's up; the living room has basically turned into his office/gaming den.
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 05
    Close up of man's head as he washes his hair
    via towfiqu barbhuiya

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 06
    Last week I asked for a totally reasonable contribution: £100 toward utilities and to stop treating my food/toiletries as communal. He laughed and said
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 07
    it's "temporary" and I'm being "transactional." Roommate says I'm "making her choose," that he's "basically family," and I
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 08
    should show "compassion." I actually like him fine, but compassion doesn't pay the bill when the meter's spinning.
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 09
    So I set a boundary: by Friday, either (1) he transfers £100 and agrees to stop using my groceries/personal items, or (2)
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 10
    he finds somewhere else to sleep. Now I'm the villain for "setting ultimatums." For context, when we moved in we agreed
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 11
    that guests are a few nights, not a third roommate by stealth. This isn't a guest anymore - it's an unpaid tenant with opinions.
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 12
    I'm not trying to ban him; I just don't want to subsidize soeone who isn't on the lease. If he
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 13
    chipped in and respected basic house rules, great. But right now it feels like I'm sponsoring a staycation. AITA for enforcing a pay-or-go deadline?
    via u/Ellafaith0x

  • She's not even charging rent! This man should be so, so, so grateful that she is willing to compromise.

  • 14
    Couple unpacking clothes from a box
    via Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 15
    TL;DR: Roomie's BF came for "a week"; it's week 5. Bills up, he uses my stuff, pays nothing. I said
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 16
    contribute £100 and stop treating my things as communal or he leaves. Now I'm "controlling." AITA?
    via u/Ellafaith0x
  • 17
    Adorable_Click9074 NTA. You might look into whether this is even allowed by your landlord. You could be putting
    via u/Adorable_Click9074
  • 18
    your lease at risk. Regardless, this guy is a leech. What you are doing is entirely reasonable. You just should not have allowed this to go on as long as you have.
    via u/Adorable_Click9074
  • 19
    Lease agreement papers
    via Bill Oxford from Getty Images Signature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 20
    rvedotrc Totally, I wouldn't be surprised if this is against fire codes or something like that.
    via u/rvedotrc
  • 21
    No_Surprise_9966 This guy is taking advantage of your generosity. If he's not contributing, he needs to go. You've been more than patient already.
    via u/No_Surprise_9966
  • 22
    JustheBean NTA So your roommate moved her boyfriend in without permission. She's the most in the wrong for that.
    via u/JustheBean
  • 23
    The comment about this being transactional is ridiculous. Of course it's transactional! You do not have a relationship with this man! He gets to stay in your
    via u/JustheBean
  • 24
    space in exchange for money, that is how that works. If he wants unconditional love and communal access to everything he can move back in with mommy.
    via u/JustheBean

  • He isn't dating the narrator! She has absolutely no reason to give him free stuff. 

  • 25
    The constantly using your stuff instead of his girlfriends would send me right over the edge. Props to you for keeping civil and reasonable.
    via u/JustheBean
  • 26
    No-Giraffe49 NTA. Check your lease there may be a clause in there for the length of time a guest can stay before needing to inform your landlord
    via u/No-Giraffe49
  • 27
    that there is an additional person residing there. If your roommate feels this is so transactional then she can leave with her boyfriend and find out directly what it's like to pay his way through life.
    via u/No-Giraffe49
  • 28
    SL8Rgirl NTA. Offer another solution. Pay the same you've paid in previous months towards utilities and make her cover the balance. Her guest, her financial burden. Also tell him to stop using your groceries and kitchenware.
    via u/SL8Rgirl

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