Grandmother Makes Negative Comments About Granddaughter's Body, Mom Cuts Contact to Protect Her Children's Body Image

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    r/AmltheAsshole u/Federal Web3475 • 1d AITA for not letting my mom see my kids because of fat-shaming?
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    I (31f) was on the chubby side growing up and my mom (58f) was always hard on me for my weight. It deeply impacted my self-esteem, to the point that I ended up losing an unhealthy amount of weight in my teens just to please her. Once I left the house, I gained some weight back and, after years of therapy, I finally felt like I had a healthy relationship to food and exercise. My mom also seemed to stop being as obsessed with my body once I wasn't around her 24/7, and our relationship got a lot be
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    I had a daughter nine years ago, let's call her Mia. Mia is a sweet girl and ADORES her grandma. A couple days ago I sent her and her brother (Liam, 7m) to stay with my parents for the weekend. On the car ride home, I noticed that Mia wasn't her bubbly self and asked her if something was wrong. She was clearly embarrassed but eventually she started to bawl and told me what happened. Apparently, that afternoon they had gone out for ice cream. Mia tried
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    to order a cone with 2 scoops, but my mother stopped her and changed her order to a single scoop in a cup. When Liam ordered a cone with 2 scoops, my mother didn't say a word. When Mia asked why Liam got a cone and not her, my mother told her it was because she's fat and needs to lose weight or nobody will find her attractive. I was livid.
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    The second we got home, I called my mom and told her that what she said was completely unacceptable and that from then on, I would have to chaperone any time she spent with my daughter. My mom told me I was overreacting, that Mia was exaggerating, and that I shouldn't believe a nine year old over her. She told me it's probably just something she picked up in dance class and that I was "projecting." I was pretty sure she was full of
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    but I wanted to verify anyway, so I had another talk with Mia. I told her that if my mother ever says anything like that to her again, to tell me right away. She started crying again, and told me that not only was this not the first time something like this happened, but also that my mother told Mia not to tell me because I'm fat and she wouldn't want to be like me.
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    I called my mom again, and told her everything Mia told me. All she said was, "Well was I wrong? You are fat."
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    I hung up. She tried to call me again but I didn't pick up. I haven't responded to her since. This morning she got my brother involved. He thinks it is an overreaction to not respond and that she didn't mean any harm, but I am pretty adamant about not wanting to expose my daughter to her . I told my brother that if my mother is willing to apologize to Mia and I, and agree to chaperoned visits, I might consider letting them see each other. I know she won't do that. I feel horrible because it's Li
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    edited to fix typos edited to add: I don't think my mom's comments would be acceptable even if she were overweight, but Mia is perfectly healthy for a girl her age. She is very active (a dancer) so she eats a lot to sustain herself but her weight has never been an issue. 2,668 | 520
  • 10
    NTA Apart-Ad-6518. 1d Commander in Cheeks [217] "Mia tried to order a cone with 2 scoops, but my mother stopped her and changed her order to a single scoop in a cup. When Liam ordered a cone with 2 scoops, my mother didn't say a word. When Mia asked why Liam got a cone and not her, my mother told her it was because she's fat and needs to lose weight or nobody will find her attractive."
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    That statement shows who your mom is on so many levels. It's obvious so I won't say more. She was also nasty about/undermined you to your daughter. I'm betting she got your brother involved because the same dynamic played out between you as your mom's doing with your kids.
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    You aren't overreacting. That you're willing to consider chaperoned visits says a lot for you. Not sure I'd be that reasoned this early after. Also remember your son wants her around because she doesn't treat him like c**p. I hope Mia feels better soon. Massive kudos to you as a mom for protecting her from the toxic B S you endured. All the best! ... ← Reply 4.7k
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    Salamanderonthefarm • 1d . Completely agree, and in addition telling a child to lie to their parents is extremely dangerous. Disgraceful. Best wishes to OP, enjoy your beautiful girl & keep her safe: NTA. 1.5k
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    rombies 22h . Partassipant [2] And this ice cream didn't just materialize out of thin air. OP's mom was the one who made the choice to take the children to get ice cream. She created a situation in which she would be able to emotionally abuse her granddaughter. If she was really worried about her granddaughter's health, there wouldn't have been an ice cream trip. This shows exactly the kind of person she is. ... 1510
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    DrMamaBear · 23h . Partassipant [2] NTA. of course your brother doesn't see the issue. I imagine he always got 2 scoops. My grandfather did something similar to me as a 10yo. My mom went no contact and we didn't see them for a number of years. I was also at risk of an ED at the time. I would be distancing from your mom for both kids. 254
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    TruckPure6828 • 21h Partassipant [1] Chaperones visits?!!! How about NO visits. Can we call not forget that OP had to spend YEARS in therapy for the is exact behavior. It's already damaging her daughter's mental health. OP needs. to get her daughter in at least a few therapy sessions since her mother has been messing with her daughter's self image for I don't know how long. I'm so angry right now 100
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    chickadeerevelry ⚫ 1d Absolutely NTA. • You know firsthand the damage these kind of comments can do to a young girl. You have a duty as a mother to protect your children and you are doing exactly that. Kudos to you, OP, for shutting that down.
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    Your mother is wholly in the wrong for making fat shaming, unhealthy comments to your daughter that could foster an ED, as well as for showing (sexist) preferential treatment by only directing those comments toward your daughter and letting her brother eat more than her. And she certainly should not be restricting your daughter's diet.
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    If you're comfortable with doing so, it might be good to have a talk with your own brother about how your mom's fatphobic comments impacted you growing up. Chances are, he's oblivious because he wasn't her target. Reply Ŵ 1k B
  • 20
    lordmwahaha • 1d NTA. Your mother is emotionally abusing your daughter. And she knows it's wrong, because she told her not to say anything to you. She knows exactly what she did or she wouldn't have tried to hide it.
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    Now is probably a good time to teach Mia that if an adult ever says to her "Don't tell mum", she needs to tell mum immediately. It may also be a good time to have an age appropriate conversation about emotional abuse, and about how sometimes, someone you love will hurt you because of their own insecurities, and that's not okay. ← Reply ☑657
  • 22
    Glovelmaginary4716. 1d Partassipant [3] NTA your mother is an absolute monster though. Reply 368
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    Aromatic_Recipe1749. 1d NTA.... unless you let that evil woman anywhere near your kids. What a horrible way to talk to a 9 year old child. You know how it affected you, don't buy any of your mother's BS. Tell your brother to step away because you are not overreacting at all. She's lucky that you haven't exiled her completely. Reply 221 ♡

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