Independent Woman Refuses to Invite Her Parents to Her Graduation, Citing Their Neglect as the Reason: ‘They were never there for me’

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    r/TrueOffMyChest ⚫ 14 Laughorgtfo I'm the oldest daughter who always had to 'handle it all' and now | don't want my family at my graduation.
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    I'm the oldest (and only) girl in the family. One of those super independent, self-sufficient types (probably because my mom was an alcoholic most of my life so I had to help raise my younger siblings). As soon as I turned 18, I left my mom and step dad's house to move in with my boyfriend. My parents got
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    divorced, my mom went to prison for drugs, and my stepdad moved to another state with my youngest brother. After the dust settled, I was standing around like that John Travolta meme, like, where'd everyone go? I think. everyone assumed I'd be fine on my own because I've always been resourceful and independent. I guess they were right, but jeez.
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    Since then, my boyfriend (now husband) and I have worked our butts off. We have 2 kids together. Neither of my parents were present for any part of the pregnancy, birth, or postpartum period. I don't think they've even met my second child.
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    They weren't there when I got my first apartment. Or when I got married. They weren't there when we struggled with finances and our mental health. They weren't there for any birthdays or holidays, including their grandchildren's.
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    None of my family was. Not my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nada. (My husband's family has been incredibly supportive and welcoming, to be clear. And I'm grateful for them every day.)
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    Now, I'm finally graduating with my first degree, top of my class, and nominated to speak at both graduation ceremonies (we have the large commencement ceremony for the entire college and a smaller, more intimate pinning ceremony for our nursing cohort).
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    After much thought, I don't think I want my family to attend. There have been so many times that I needed them over the past 10 years and that even doesn't count their absences during my childhood. And this post is only the tip of the iceberg. It doesn't seem fair that they get to celebrate with me after
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    neglecting to be there for some of the most difficult and transformative years of my life. Plus, I feel like they'd show up and see how well I'm doing and use it as a way to excuse their parenting. Like, "Hey she turned out alright, didn't she? We couldn't have been that bad of parents!"
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    TLDR: I'm the hyper-independent oldest daughter who got ignored most of her life because "she's got this". Since my family decided to skip out on most (all) of the meaningful milestones of my adulthood, I'm not inclined to invite them to my college graduation.
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    Beautiful_Rule... 14h ago • INFO: How would your family know that you're graduating? Would they simply go there? I'm guessing that what your feeling is longing and nostalgia. You mentioned grandparents, unlces, aunts,
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    cousins, etc... so you do have a big family, but none of them cared enough to check on you throughout the years. However, you also see, at this poing in your life (Congratulations, btw!!! That's an amazing achievement!!) that probably your peers are talking about mom and dad being in the
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    crowd, how embarrassing it'd be if they take too many pictures, or maybe you're looking at your in-law family and guessing 'why couldn't I have this'? Now, this is just me speculating and I many be talking nonsense, please, correct me if I am.
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    You do not have to have your family attend. Not wanting them doesn't make you a bad person. after 10 years of not showing up they're not even family anymore. Stay strong, OP. And I hope you have an amazing day!
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    • Trick_Delivery4... 14h ago • So don't invite them. It is ok not to. They didn't attend your wedding either. Your husband, kids, and inlaws will be your cheering section! I'm proud of you!
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    Block them on all social media so you don't have to see them and keep up the NC. But a therapist could help with your justifiable anger at the way you were treated.
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    Fairtogood • 14h ago • Well done! And invite who you like. There's no reason to invite anyone who could take the shine off your achievements.
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    CuriousPengui... • 12h ago • I am also the child who was neglected and forgotten. Always resourceful because my life depended on me "figuring it out" but had zero or negative guidance from parents.
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    They absolutely tried to make my accomplishments, despite them not helping, into their wins. I wish I could go back in time and not invite my mom to my graduation. She tried to spin to teachers and fellow graduates how proud she was of her daughter and
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    blah blah blah, made me want to fk'n vomit. I also have a supportive spouse and his family adores me. We can make our own family. We don't need biology for that.

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