‘She's [not an]… Emotional Support Person': Divorced co-parents argue over whether or not their daughter should attend a Halloween party that her step-sister wasn't invited to, father puts his foot down and lets her go

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Oct 9, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

It's not easy raising teens, especially on your own. So if you happen to be in the stressful situation of a divorce and have teens to think about, it just adds another level of stress. The best case scenario is that there is no bad blood within the breakup of the marriage and you two decide to co-parent 50/50. That being said, it's not easy to keep the peace as co-parents. It is a rare occasion to see a broken-up couple keep things respectful, though it's not impossible. For this Redditor, he and his ex-wife parted on fine terms and were co-parenting just fine. However, she got remarried and brought a step-sister into the midst. He doesn't know much about her, but he has been told by his teen daughter that they don't get along and in fact, she doesn't get along with most people in her school. So when she was invited to a Halloween party and her step-sister wasn't, it wasn't a surprise. However, the mother was outraged that her father gave her permission to go without her step-sister. He doesn't think it would cause very good sisterly affection if one sister prevented the other from going to a party, don't you? See the full story below! 

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    Cheezburger Image 10413647872
    via Unsplash+ (and Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for letting my daughter attend a Halloween party her stepsister is being excluded from? My ex-wife and I share two kids. Our daughter is 15 and our son is 13. We divorced 11 years ago and we share custody of the kids (50/50). My ex is remarried and she has a stepdaughter in her home the same age as our daughter.
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    My ex and her husband have tried to make the kids close, but especially the two girls because they're the same age. This has not worked. I know from my kids time with me that they have zero closeness to her and my daughter in particular doesn't like her stepsister. From speaking to my ex about issues in the past I know her stepdaughter has trouble with other kids liking her and she gets excluded by them more frequently than she's included by others. This was something my ex wanted me to address
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    My daughter and her best friend were invited to a Halloween party. This year the kids are with me for Halloween so she asked me for permission to go. I spoke to the hosting parent and I felt like it was safe for my daughter to go under the circumstances. My ex discovered I have given our daughter permission to go and she was furious. She asked why I hadn't offered to take her stepdaughter to begin with because she learned I was dropping the girls off and picking them up. Then she
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    mentioned her stepdaughter was excluded from the party and that every other kid in their grade is included. She felt that this meant our daughter should not be attending either in support of her stepsister. She tried to forbid me from allowing our daughter to go. I told her wasn't a decision she could make. She argued that I should be encouraging a supportive sibling dynamic between the girls and that it seems like our kids only support each other and not their stepsister, who they've known for
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    My ex told me I'll be a real hole to a 15 year old girl if I let our daughter go to this party. AITA?
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    No_Construction_1096 NTA - Your daughter is her own person. If she wants to go to a party, has your permission and you are her guardian for that period, then you are in the right to allow her to go there. You aren't encouraging any bullying or discrimination of your ex's stepdaughter and you certainly wouldn't be encouraging any supportive sibling dynamics between the girls by punishing your daughter by not allowing her to go. Upstairs Pizza9200 My only concern with the party was would it be a s
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    No_Construction_1096 Although I am not a parent myself, but I take it I would feel the same like you about the party. You did your homework, found that it is safe enviroment for your kid to socialize and have fun and you can sleep peacefully at night without worry about something happening there. Btw do you know why ex's stepdaughter is excluded from the party? Upstairs Pizza9200 That's always my concern with parties. A lot of teen parties making the local news in recent years for the worst of r
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    IOwnTheShortBus As a child growing up, I had an extremely awkward stepbrother. The type to say 2 words and it would be an insult. My dad specifically wouldn't let me go hang out with friends if he wasn't invited (he never was). He'd always say that they could stay with us (we lived in the middle of nowhere, and the interactions when they did were so forced and awkward that it cost me more than a few friendships). So no, you're not the Some people at making friends, and that isn't your fault. It'
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    HighlyImprobable42 Your ex in 5 years: why does my daughter never talk to me? Also your ex: I'm going to use my kid as an emotional support animal for my stepkid. Your ex is sabotaging her own relationship with your daughter by forcing this dynamic. Protect your daughter from being used just to placate this other kid. Stepsister's parental units should be helping her, not pushing off their job on your daughter. NTA.
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    coastalkid92 NTA. I can understand why your ex wife is struggling with this situation. It's hard to raise children under the same roof who are having two very different social experiences at school. But punishing your daughter for that isn't going to magically make the situation better, it's just going to further the gap between the two of them. Encouraging a supportive dynamic between the girls goes both ways but it can be as simple as your daughter acknowledging that this is likely tough for h
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    Upstairs Pizza9200 My ex-wife doesn't see it as a punishment. She views it as something she would do for her brother (which is true) so she should do it for her stepsister too. That was something she really emphasized to me while we spoke. She pointed out how protective she is and would be of her brother and how she doesn't give a about her stepsister and how she's treated. This has been an issue for her for years. But she also won't answer if roles were reversed if her stepdaughter would do it
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    Due-Reflection-1835 What your ex is trying to do will backfire spectacularly...if your daughter is punished because her stepsister isn't invited, she will only hate her more. I understand that it watching one of your kids being excluded. But being a helicopter parent and trying to force a group to accept them is only going to make it worse for her. She needs to focus on helping the girl make her own friends. And the Brady Bunch is not real for crying out loud. I doubt anyone ever truly accepted
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    LightPhotographer Hahaha, of course you are NTA. Your ex's brain must be exploding trying to make this sound reasonable. If she has a point with her SD being excluded then she should take it up with the organizers. Note that your daughters power is limited. She can not make the stepdaughter popular. Groups do not work that way, teenagers doubly so. It's a string situation: you can't push a string. The mother can not push that string, and neither can your daughter.
    via LightPhotographer

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divorced family drama aita divorce parenting co parenting teenagers parenting raising teens divorce family step daughter
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