‘You’re all losers’: Woman Abruptly Breaks Up With Fiancé After He Demands His Unemployed Family Move in With Them On Her Dime

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Oct 11, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. We often do a lot for our partners and loved ones. From lauding them for their accomplishments, assuaging them through emotional times, or just comforting them when they need us. We all have our boundaries though, and even through a willingness to unconditionally love and support our partners, we have to be obstinate when our boundaries are crossed. 

In this Reddit thread, it centers around an engaged couple. The original poster (OP) is a woman who's just broken up with her fiancé. To explain matters simply, he's a loser, and so is his entire family. He's tethered to them in ways that are stronger than his connection to his fiancée, and these ropes are affecting their relationship more and more as time goes on. But you'll have to read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 3 days ago • Puzzleheaded-Term572 ÷ AITA for abruptly ending our relationship and calling him and his Mom losers after he wanted to force me to accept that he move his entire family into our new home while I would likely be paying for almost everything?
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 02
    Please forgive any grammar errors. English is not my first language. I'm (f40) at a point in my career where I've been able to accomplish some things very fast and some took a loooong huge minute. I'm very grateful and ready for my new chapter, which includes relocation and a slower
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 03
    pace. I'm in the process of ending a relationship ( Jason M39), since I recently came to the conclusion that I can't be with him. I've given him lots of opportunities and I feel depleted and tired. Its come to a point where I get tense by merely hearing his voice. We are engaged, and we have also gotten over many bad moments in our relationship. I was
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 04
    extremely busy and now that I have the opportunity of finding myself a bit, I just don't wanna get married.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 05
    He comes from a family with trauma. His parents had a very bad and long dragging divorce and their children got pulled into it. Maybe I shouldn't talk like this but all of their kids are losers, including my fiancé. I've tried to ignore this, but I'm ashamed of him. His sister has a cosmetology certificate but she refuses to get a job because she "needs" to be a
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 06
    SAHM, yet is always angry at her ex because his child support isn't enough. His two brothers are musicians. One works at a hotel and sent his baby mama home to her parents as soon as she got pregnant and the other one lives a man child life. Both BILs spend long nights playing with bands but never get paid, so they
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 07
    frequently have problems at their real jobs for tardiness. Jason and I had issues early on because he kept switching jobs and complaining.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 08
    We reached a stable stage in our relationship until we got engaged. I don't feel like I'm his priority. Everything always needs to go to his family. Every plan, every potential progress, is always about giving to his family. When I got an opportunity to develop a food truck park, he immediately tried to bring his
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 09
    mother into it so that she could get a food stand "to help her". If I get a hospitality client, he immediately asks if his brothers can get hired. Not only this, but tries to create opportunities so that they can get plugged on to whatever I'm doing and start a business sucking the life out of my clients. Of course I never allow it.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 10
    PHe doesn't understand that this has cost me lots of blood, sweat and tears to get and that I'm not okay just handing it down. For background, I have access to both medium sized and small companies and I got my first global client last year.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 11
    At the time when my career began to really pick up, Jason and I had gotten engaged and I felt comfortable sharing my progress. By Holiday season last year, I had a very complicated situation. I needed to complete a deadline but had already bought tickets for my kids to fly to see my parents. Jason confirmed that he
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 12
    would go with me whenever I was ready, so I didn't book a flight as he would drive us. I flew my kids, came back, worked my and was both anxious and worried. I kept open off communication with the client, delivered by the 22nd but needed to wait for their approval, which included a visit to their location.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 13
    They are manufacturers, so I was basically on call. It was approved, but Jason went MIA. It was too late to get a flight, but when he replied to give him a couple of hours I was relieved thinking that we would leave soon. He stalled and made me wait until I started crying due to anxiety. I ended up driving myself while exhausted on
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 14
    Xmas Eve, which is exactly what I didn't want. I had to stop at a motel to sleep a few hours and then get on and spent Xmas forcing myself to stay awake to be present for my family. I nearly broke up with him over this, especially when he said he didn't leave early because his mother got emotional.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 15
    So fast forward and I have gotten good contracts. Clients have been referring other clients and I finally stabilized my schedule and have been hiring more people. I was super excited to share my progress with him. I got a very good opportunity to move closer to my family and to work for a very large company for very good
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 16
    money. The minute that I told him, he started with the family business subject. He wanted me to hire a company that he would create. I am firmly opposed to this. That's a company only on name. He wanted to "tap into anything that can be done" (his words). He has been very insistent, but dropped it because we had a huge fight.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 17
    He's been very enthusiastic about moving. He has a job prospect and he would earn a better salary. Last month, we found a rental property and were discussing our plans. I need a home office and bedrooms for my kids. He mentioned that he needed a spare room for guests. I immediately had a bad feeling and he said he wanted his family
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 18
    to stay over until they found their own jobs. He said the family room could be converted into another extra bedroom. I could picture myself having to deal with his family and being unable to evict them. I tried to talk to him but he said it's what he wants and he has a right to bring his family and said "period" which sounded so one sided that it has made me
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 19
    rethink the whole matter. I mean, who's gonna pay for all this? I asked if he planned on doing all this on my dime and he started throwing things.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 20
    I sat him down for a serious conversation and his reasoning is that family helps family (true in my case because we are very close, but they don't use me as their personal raft). I was very blunt and as honest as I could. I dont want his family living with us, and he knows that. I will not agree to financially support anyone especially after he's made
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 21
    plans to spend my new money but hasn't asked me if I agree or even if I plan on helping my own. family. He has never asked if my family needs anything, it's all about him. He has made plans to get his family inside our new home, without offering a potential deadline, and has dropped hints about wanting a new car. I was sincere about slowly losing my
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 22
    respect for him because his ways have made me feel like he has no respect for my sacrifices and everything I went through to get to this point. It wasn't him getting sleep deprived and being constantly on the line to get things done. The conversation went nowhere because he grabbed his backpack and went out. A few days later, he told me
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 23
    that he got fired and sent me the memo that he got and it clearly Isaid it was because of insubordination. There is so much to unpack about this, from being a possible poor example to my kids to being a weak man who won't be able to answer for our family should I be
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 24
    unable to support us. 1. I can't. I told him that I that wanted to break up and he said things that are embarrassing. He said he thought he'd finally found the love of his life but said he is dissatisfied with me because I'm taking away all of his dreams. The entire situation was cringe because he held onto the car wheel and started rocking back
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 25
    and forth. He accused me of being a snob now that "I'm rich" ( I'm not rich, but I hope my opportunities keep opening up so that I can build my wealth). I told him the problem was right there. He's asking to stay together, but won't work on himself.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 26
    I gathered all of his belongings and asked him to come pick them up and he refused. So I had to drive to MIL's house and once there, she confronted me. She said that I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing by playing a "goody two shoes" (moron/stupid in their family slang) and secretly working to rip the family apart. She mentioned very personal things
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 27
    that I know I didn't share with her and it made me so mad that I called her and all of her children losers. He keeps sending me info on couples therapy but I just don't want it. He won't remove his car from my garage and he won't take his gym equipment which is too heavy. He says he would have
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 28
    done it, but because I called him a loser, he's not removing anything because I disrespected his mom. AITA for confronting her?
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Term572
  • 29
    FleaQueen 3d ago NTA, your ex and his family sound absolutely unbearable. He's throwing things? And saying you are the one who is bad since they started having success when he is the gold-digger trying to help his family leech off you? Big yikes.
    via u/FleaQueen
  • 30
    jjnocera 3d ago • FYI, the home gym community is huge, if you list the items on Facebook they will be bought fairly quickly.
    via u/jjnocera

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