Woman Refuses to Let Brother Drive Her Car to Vegas, Entitled Sister-in-Law Turns Family Against Her

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 14, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Welcome, women of the WWW. It's not uncommon to think that when family members need help, you should do your best to lend a hand. Sometimes, you may find yourself having to lend your belongings. This is all well and good if your family members return your things or replace them if damaged. However, if your brother is known for not taking care of borrowed items, it should come as no surprise to him when you finally stop conceding your property - especially something as valuable and as necessary for daily life as your car. 

In our story today, a woman finds herself chastised by her family for refusing to lend her brother her car for his trip to Vegas. This refusal is the only logical response given her brother's track record when it comes to returning borrowed things. However, his meddling and entitled wife found a way to turn the situation around and make our protagonist look like the bad guy. Read the full story down below!

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Silentcitylady • 15h AITA for calling out my SIL for manipulating my mom into hating me after I refused to let them use my car for a Vegas trip?
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 02
    So, I (28F) have always had a good relationship with my mom. But recently, my brother (30M) and his wife (SIL, 29F) decided they wanted to take a road trip to Vegas and asked if they could borrow my car. For context, my brother has a bit of a track record of borrowing things and returning them in terrible shape, like when he once borrowed my laptop and returned it with a cracked screen, claiming it "must have been there before." I depend on my car to get to work, so I wasn't comfortable handing
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 03
    That's when things got weird. Within days, my mom, who usually respects my boundaries, started giving me the cold shoulder. When I confronted her, she went off about how "family is supposed to sacrifice for each other," how I'm "selfish for refusing," and how "my brother and SIL just want a break." Turns out, SIL has been feeding her story after story about how "ungrateful" I am, saying I care more about a car than family. According to her, this trip is a "last chance" for her and my brother to
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 04
    Things escalated when SIL started calling me names in family group chats, labeling me "selfish" and "greedy," claiming I don't know how to share. Now my mom believes SIL over me, saying I'm "cold-hearted" and I "don't value family unity." SIL even brought up times I "disappointed" my family, like the time I refused to lend my brother money (he never paid it back, and I needed it for bills).
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 05
    I told my mom I felt manipulated, and she completely flipped, saying she never thought she'd raised someone so unkind. I was shocked my mom is usually the one to see through things like this, but SIL has completely turned her against me. SIL is now talking about family values and how "everyone else" in the family thinks I'm in the wrong.
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 06
    It feels like SIL is trying to push me out, and my mom is taking her side. It's exhausting, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually in the wrong for not just giving in and lending them the car. AITA for standing my ground and calling out SIL's manipulation, even if it's causing a family divide? Or should I have just handed over my car to avoid all this drama? ۵ 2,409 922
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 07
    Provocative-Laura • 15h NTA. You are absolutely NTA for refusing to lend your car, especially given your brother's history of damaging borrowed items. Your SIL's behavior is manipulative and divisive, and it's incredibly disappointing that your mom is falling for it. Reply 2.7k
    via u/Provocative-Laura
  • 08
    Ο Silentcitylady OP.15h That's exactly what's been bothering me my brother's track record should make it obvious why I said no. It's hurtful that my mom is buying into SIL's narrative and turning against me over something so small. I just wish they could see how unfair this all is. 1.3k
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 09
    Raven_69-143 • 14h You're not alone OP. We've all been there, trying to explain ourselves to our family while they side with someone else's twisted version of the truth. Stay strong. ... 782
    via u/Raven_69-143
  • 10
    Silentcitylady OP. 14h It really helps to know I'm not alone in dealing with this kind of family drama. It's exhausting trying to explain myself, only to feel like they're believing a completely skewed story. I'm doing my best to stay strong and keep my boundaries, even if it means dealing with this tension for a while. 611
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 11
    mtngrl60 13h Honey, I'm older than your mother. Just stop responding. Ignore them all. You don't have to block them, but you can silence them on your phone. Let them spin their wheels. The thing with bullies is that when they don't get a rise out of you anymore, they stop and find a new target.
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 12
    Send one last message in the group chat. Tell them I'm like your mother, who is the one who actually gave birth to your brother and therefore probably feels she hast to accept or ignore or mitigate his nonsense, you're his sister.
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 13
    He couldn't even return your computer without breaking it and ruining it and refusing to pay for it. You're not about to give him your car to take on a cross- country trip. Not to mention you might actually need your car.
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 14
    And that you are tired of all this nonsense from your brother. He's not responsible. But want you to put your on the line for him. That's not happening, so if they all feel so strongly about this... I'm looking at you Mom... Then rent brother a car And pay for it. Put him on as an additional driver. And you take the risk for the child that you created.
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 15
    And do not ever feel guilty about setting a boundary. Remember that family is supposed to have your back, not be on your back. When they cross boundaries and do this it should actually make you more upset and pretty I off at them then you would be a stranger or an acquaintance was trying this nonsense
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 16
    Once you start looking at it that way, you Start understanding and recognizing just how crappy this behavior is when it comes from family. And then you stop feeling guilty about calling them out on it. And in fact, you become a lot more comfortable, starting to call them out and telling them that if family is family, then they should be respecting your boundaries be because family supports family.
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 17
    What you need to recognizes that family supports family does not mean that family enables poor behavior from family. And when family exhibit said, poor behavior, you never feel guilty for saying it and not accepting it. ... 2 671
    via u/mtngrl60
  • 18
    General Rip7904 • 15h There's these things called rental cars Reply 481
    via u/GeneralRip7904
  • 19
    Silentcitylady OP. 14h I've been thinking the same thing. They have tons of rental options available, especially for a trip to Vegas, so it's not like my car is their only option. It's frustrating they're making this my problem instead of just renting a car like anyone else would. ... 334
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 20
    FitSprinkles6307 • 14h Why don't you just drop in the group chat a list of everything he's done like borrowing money and not repaying it, the cracked laptop, etc... once you list them all state that no is a full sentence and you're not risking your car, job or insurance on irresponsible people. Also mention about family values goes both ways and your family should value your autonomy and your right to say no about things you own.
    via u/FitSprinkles6307
  • 21
    I'd be petty and also drop in that if someone can't afford to take a plane, train or rent an automobile to go on vacation, maybe they need to stay at home and work and save up the money to afford the full trip like adults. ... Reply 1 306
    via u/FitSprinkles6307
  • 22
    Naughty_Jeanette • 15h NTA. You have every right to refuse to lend out your car, and your SIL's behavior is manipulative and unacceptable. ... Reply 111
    via u/Naughty_Jeanette
  • 23
    NotShocked FruitWeird 14h NTA but why aren't you responding in the family chat? Bring up the times that you've loaned your brother items only to have them returned damaged, money loaned and never repaid, etc. Remind them that other family members have cars they can borrow, or you know... There's a thing called a rental car industry that does this as a business... ... ← Reply ☑ ↑ 83 ↓
    via u/NotShockedFruitWeird
  • 24
    Silentcitylady OP. 14h Honestly, I've been avoiding the family chat because I didn't want to fuel the drama, but maybe it's time to set the record straight. They seem to be overlooking all the times I helped my brother only to be let down, like with damaged items and unpaid loans. I think I'll remind them of those examples and mention the rental car option I mean, it's exactly what rental companies are for! ← 141
    via u/Silentcitylady
  • 25
    adjudicateu⚫ 14h Don't defend, it only extends the arguments. Simply state 'for everyone who thinks I should have loaned my car, you do not have a say in the decision. You DO have a say in how your own vehicle is used so any of you are free to take your own 'family first' and 'sacrifice' advice and loan your car to brother and wife for their vacation. This is the last I will say on the subject.' ← 89 ↓
    via u/adjudicateu

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family drama manipulative marriage sister-in-law reddit story married life marriage-drama relationships couples love entitled reddit thread red flag Reddit entitled people
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