26-year-old woman accuses 28-year-old coworker of abandoning and "excluding" her when he refuses to give her a ride to dinner: 'I think she's a bit pretentious to be honest'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 17, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

As a part of our professional lives, we're almost obligated to be amiable to our coworkers, clients, and associates, even if we can stand them… with every fiber of our being. The reality of life is you're not going to get along and vibe with everyone, nor should you, without distilling your personality and trying to people-please so as not to offend anyone ever. 

While getting along with coworkers and working well with them is an obligation… where does that obligation end? Once you're out of the office in a casual setting, having some laid-back drinks—even if it's with other members of the office—are you obligated to go out of your way for that coworker that you just don't get along with?

That was the issue at hand in this thread, where this woman was upset that her coworker had "excluded" by refusing to drive her to their workgroups after dinner drinks. Her coworker turned to this online community to see whether or not he was wrong for his refusal. See the original thread and some key responses, below.

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    AITA "purposefully excluding" a coworker Throwaway for privacy. I (28M) work in a team of 7 people. A new girl Jess (26F) joined a couple months ago who I don't really care for. I am polite to her while we work but we don't share any hobbies or overlap in any way. I think she's a bit pretentious to be honest. She's always talking about her living in
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    London in her early twenties. It's her whole personality, talking about all the expensive things she used to do and how she's "sooooo broke" as a result. We are all paid very well for what we do and the area we live in.
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    Last night, we had all planned to go for dinner after work to celebrate Chris (28M) getting. married. I knew Jess would be going but it wasn't my plan to dictate who went and it's a nice thing to celebrate so I decided to go anyway. Everyone at work drives apart from me so Chris offered to drive us both. I will say I am the closest with him, we started around the same time.
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    I was all set to go until Jess said she finds driving on her own nerve-wracking (I have no idea. how she manages to commute in every day) and asked if I'd ride with her. I declined and said I wanted to travel with Chris. She insisted so I told her I want to ride with Chris so we can talk about some wedding things and got into the car. Chris did offer to also drive her but she declined.
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    We all got to the restaurant. Jess did not. She had a panic attack mid journey and decided to UBER home, leaving her car on a random street somewhere. Today at work, she had a go at me and accused me of purposefully excluding her from the group plan. Apparently me not riding with her was a scheme on my end to make her not go because I don't like her.
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    I told her that she excluded herself. Chris offered her a lift and she didn't take it. She also didn't have to abandon her car and ditch, she could have called an UBER for herself to the restaurant. Then I walked off.
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    While I don't like her, I never make that known at work or to any of my coworkers. I ask about her weekend, I offer her a hot drink if I make one, I help her whenever she has questions. I just don't talk to her like I do with everyone else and I don't have her on my social media - I've know everyone else for 3 years+ now, of course I'm close to them.
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    I was talking to Chris about this post-shift and he told me that it wouldn't have hurt for me to ride with her instead of him when she insisted. AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a e: I declined to ride with a coworker because I don't like her even though she wanted me to due to driving nerves. This meant she did not go to dinner with us all and she felt excluded. It would not have hurt me to sit in a car with her for 15 mins even though I don't like her.
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    Gigi-lily 5h ago • • NTA. You mentioned everyone else drives so she had multiple people she could have asked to go with after you said no. She could have gone with Chris. She could have taken and Uber to the restaurant then had someone drop her back to the car if she didn't want to pay to uber twice.
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    Her being mad at you because she has a vehicle she is afraid to drive is ridiculous. You are not excluding her at work, you are not being disrespectful or outwardly that is asked. and that is all
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    mizfit416 5h ago • NTA - How do you exclude someone who was invited? She imposed herself on you and you politely declined, TWICE. She's a nit wit.
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    • Artistic_Musician_78 5h ago NTA, and how did she manage to drive her car there herself? Or anywhere? This is so strange.
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    Angelblade92 . 6h ago • NTA - The people saying it wouldn't have hurt are completely missing the point. You aren't an NPC there simply to make other people happy. You didn't want to travel with her and you don't have to. It's weird that because she threw a hissy fit you are supposed to get in line and do what she wants.
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    • Vote_for_knife_Party 5h ago Chris did offer to also drive her but she declined. That seems to sum it up pretty succinctly; even if we give a good faith acceptance of the driving problem (perhaps the problem is driving to unfamiliar places alone?), you weren't her one and only option. NTA.
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    tuxedovic 5h ago · • I think you need to go to HR. Her demanding to be alone with you and causing trouble because you weren't raises all sorts of red flags. You must stop this drama now.
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    • UrbanyetiO 5h ago NTA if she can't drive without having a panic attack, she shouldn't have a license let alone a car. It's also not your responsibility to get into a car with someone least of all when the driver advises they're a nervous driver.
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    Spiritual-Bobcat7461 • 5h ago I promise you if the genders were reversed people would not be like "it wouldn't hurt to ride with NTA she is not your responsibility and she had multiple opportunities to get to the restaurant and chose not to.
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terrible coworkers workplace discussion decorum aita workplace-stories coworkers ethics workplace coworker in the workplace
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