Mom makes 16-year-old daughter sleep in the same room as colic baby brother and get up with him during the night, grandma strongly disagrees: 'I never made my girls take care of one another when they were younger'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 21, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

It's so rotten to have to care for your younger siblings constantly. The fact that any of the Duggar girls grew up to have their own kids at all is nothing short of a miracle. They did more mothering before age 12 than most mothers do in their first couple of years of motherhood. I know in large families, a lot of chores can fall on kids, but expecting a kid under 18 to take care of a baby while the mom is doing God knows what else is wrong, no matter how you swing it. 

The mom in this story imposed one of the most unacceptable responsibilities on her teenage daughter that I can think of. She allowed her colic baby to sleep in her 16-year-old daughter's bedroom and expected her to get up with him during the night. The logic is that she (the mother) needs her sleep.

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    via Olivie Strauss

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for telling my daughter that her child cannot take care of the baby
    via u/NewCourage7873
  • 03
    I am a mother of 6 beautiful women and a grandmother of 23; 7 granddaughters and 16 grandsons. I was at my second oldest daughter's house, Kaia, and the newborn baby boy was crying. She had asked her only daughter, who is 16, to get the baby. The baby has colic and it's terrible. I asked my granddaughter if her mom always makes her get the baby, and she told me yes. She also mentioned that the baby sleeps in her room and wakes up every hour, and she's the one who gets the baby.
    via u/NewCourage7873
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    When I asked Kaia about this, she said that she does it because she needs sleep. I told her that the baby is her child, but she insisted that she still needs to sleep. I asked my other daughters if they made their oldest daughters or sons take care of the youngest, and they said yes. I never made my girls take care of one another when they were younger, aside from occasional help. I told them that they needed to take care of the baby themselves. AITAH for doing this or no? I kinda feel guilty an
    via u/NewCourage7873
  • 05
    JTBlakeinNYC NTA. Teenagers actually need more sleep than adults. At our daughter's last checkup, our pediatrician told us that teens need a minimum of 9 uninterrupted hours each night in order to be emotionally and physically healthy.
    via u/JTBlakeinNYC
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    xoleighbea OPS not wrong for wanting to ensure your granddaughter isn't taking on too much. Parenting should never be delegated to a teen.
    via u/xoleighbea
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    jem_lucy It's not fair to put that kind of responsibility on a 16-year-old. Parents should handle their own children, especially when it comes to a newborn with colic
    via u/jem_lucy
  • 08
    Finding-my-way176 It's not on your 16yo granddaughter to take care of her baby sister. A baby needs their mother more than anyone I would think. It's strange that all your daughters have done this even if they did grow up that way.
    via u/Finding-my-way176
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    renee30152 I betcha one of them bragged to the others and they decided to try it. Shameful as it is their babies not their others children's.
    via u/renee30152
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    YeeHawMiMaw NTA - not even a little bit. Your grandchildren will maintain a relationship with the grandparent who stood up for them when they go low contact with the mothers that parentified and dumped their responsibilities on children.
    via u/YeeHawMiMaw
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    NewCourage7873 OP The majority of my grandsons who have left home they stopped talking to their parents and they'll contact me or my husband(they're papa)
    via u/NewCourage7873
  • 12
    kaldaka16 Have you not questioned before this why that keeps happening?
    via u/kaldaka16
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    Harlotte Hoehansson I can't even imagine the audacity it takes to push the nightime care of my own baby on to my older child. That is absolutely mind boggling
    via u/HarlotteHoehansson
  • 14
    TygrEyes There is a huge difference between "can you grab the baby, I'm in the middle of something" and "you be the mom because I'm checking out." Definitely NTA. I am 6.5 years older than my sister and almost 8 older than my brother. I did a LOT of helping and babysitting over the years, usually unpaid and rarely without anyone actually asking (as opposed to ordering). I didn't think that was fair, and still don't. No way in is it one kid's responsibility to get up with baby overnight. Eff that
    via u/TygrEyes
  • 15
    Dandelient And where's the dad? Two adults made that baby and they have the primary responsibility. I like the idea of your granddaughter having an extended visit with you (assuming you're not too far away from her school so she can still attend). Parents need to figure out a solution that does not involve parentification of their daughter. They'll have to figure out something when she's not there!
    via u/Dandelient
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    R3D-Samurai That poor teen will end up not wanting her own children, bc she will be so exhausted from caring for her sibling. I came from broken home and basically raised my brother while parents enjoyed their booze. I still do not desire to have any children yet. I'd figured I'd have some by now, now it's looking like more mid 30s that I am willing to even consider having one.
    via u/R3D-Samurai
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    MissBustyPeach It's tough to navigate these situations, especially when it involves family. It sounds like you were coming from a place of concern for your daughter and her child. It's important to express your feelings, but it might help to approach it more as a conversation rather than a directive. Open dialogue can make a huge difference and help her see your perspective without feeling attacked. Ultimately, you want what's best for both of them, and finding a way to communicate that can stre
    via u/MissBustyPeach
  • 18
    Far_Information_9613 NTA. Your daughters are being neglectful. There's nothing you can do about it though.
    via u/Far_Information_9613
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    NewCourage7873 OF I know. When they were younger I didn't want them to take care of one another because I faced parentification when I was 10 years old and I just didn't want them to go through that type of stress. But now I don't even know if I did the right thing or not.
    via u/NewCourage7873

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Babies baby mother crazy things parents say siblings grandma colic reddit story parenting sibling reddit thread Reddit grandmother mom Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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