Woman Dumps Daughter On Sister So She Can Attend Adults Only Halloween Party, Sister Refuses, Prioritizing Her Own Plans

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 24, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, spooky sisters. When was the last time you went trick-or-treating? For many of us, the last true candy-collecting experience was likely in elementary or middle school. In my area, trick-or-treating was considered pretty uncool by the time I was in high school, although, several years later, it was pretty popular amongst 20-somethings trying to get in touch with their youth in my small college town. 

Many of us have likely revisited the Halloween tradition with nieces, nephews, kids we babysit, or our very own children. It is exciting and heartwarming to be able to pass on such a fun and nostalgic core memory to the next generation. However, if you are suddenly expected to drop all of your Halloween plans at the last minute to take your niece trick-or-treating, it can really taint the experience for everyone involved. Such was the case in our story today, which you can read by scrolling down below!

 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Embarrassed-Dot6610 23h AITAH for refusing to take my niece trick or treating even though my family is furious?
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 02
    Okay, so I (19F) feel like I might be the a h le, but I need some outside perspective because my family is seriously blowing up over this. For context, I live at home while going to college part-time and working. My older sister, "Emily" (26F), has a 6-year-old daughter, "Lily." I love Lily, she's great, but Emily has a habit of dumping her on me last-minute whenever she wants a break. This has been happening for years now, and no one in the family really questions it because, you know, "family
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 03
    So, a few days ago, Emily told me she couldn't take Lily trick-or-treating this year because she and her boyfriend were going to some adult Halloween party. She just assumed I'd do it. I had already made plans with my friends to go out to a haunted house and watch horror movies, something we've been planning for weeks. I told her no, that she should either take her daughter or figure something else out because I wasn't available.
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 04
    Well, Emily freaked out, saying I was being selfish and that Lily would be heartbroken if she didn't go. My mom backed her up, saying I should "step up as an aunt" because Lily looks up to me. I tried explaining that I'm not a built-in babysitter and that I already had plans, but now my whole family is treating me like I'm some kind of monster for prioritizing my own life over my niece's Halloween.
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 05
    I feel guilty because I know Lily is excited about it, but I don't think it's fair that I'm expected to drop everything every time my sister needs a break. So, AITA for refusing to take her trick-or-treating, or am I really being selfish like my family says?
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 06
    UPDATE -- I've told my sister that i'm not doing and she shouldn't expect me to drop my plans for her like i always do and how she shouldn't have been pushing that on me in the first place and how wrong it is. We've all had a sit down with my mom and i told her the same thing and that i'm 19 years old i pay rent here and go to school im an adult and it's finally time to focus on me we got into a huge argument of course lol they just were bickering
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 07
    about how im apart of this family and shouldn't feel "pushed "to help out .. so i'm gonna give it a couple hours maybe a few more comments and give it another go, THANK YOU TO LITERALLY EVERYONE FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE i knew i wasn't over reacting it's just what i've been dealing with for so long it's felt normal thank you all for opening my eyes to me getting totally pushed around and taken advantage of! i will update again !! 5,505 ☐ 2,188 D D
    via u/Embarrassed-Dot6610
  • 08
    twildsso1213 • 23h Definitely not idk who in their right mind would think it's okay to dump her on you ... Reply 4.8k
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  • 09
    MJCuddle 23h NTA. Tell your parents to take her. Time to set some clear boundaries. Some suggestions on responses: "You are choosing to go to a party vs taking her out. If she's disappointed because of that choice thats YOUR problem not mine." "Not my kid. Not my responsibility. I am 19 and child free. I am going to enjoy it." "Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." Reply 1.6k
    via u/MJCuddle
  • 10
    bythebrook88 • 23h but now my whole family is treating me like I'm some kind of monster for prioritizing my own life over my niece's Halloween Why can't any of your family take Lily? Are they prioritising their lives over your niece's Halloween? See how easy it is to turn the question back on them? ... Reply 781
    via u/bythebrook88
  • 11
    mocha_lattes_ • 23h Exactly. Turn this back around on them. Oh thanks for volunteering to take her. I'll let Emily and Lily know you will take her trick or treating. What you have plans? Too bad. Family helps family. Oh you can't because of x, y, z reason? Too bad. Family helps family. Doesn't matter if you have work or can't physically take care of her. Tooooo bad. You are now. Every single time from now on. They volunteer you or open their mouths to criticize then you volunteer them for the jo
    via u/mocha_lattes_
  • 12
    Strage-19h Tell your parents to take her. Time to set some clear boundaries. ... + 30
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  • 13
    • iamterrifiedofyou ⚫ 14h If mom is so sure you gotta step up here, why isn't SHE stepping up as a Grandma!??! The hypocrisy from everyone is astounding. Very much a codependent and dysfunctional family dynamic if they all agree that a 19 yr old should give up her plans instead of the kids own parent. 14 ⇓
    via u/iamterrifiedofyou
  • 14
    XxN-o-u-rxX • 23h You're not the ! You've got your own plans and it's unfair for your sister to just assume you'll drop everything for her. Being a good aunt doesn't mean being a free babysitter all the time. Reply 337
    via u/XxN-o-u-rxX
  • 15
    TheDarkSide46 • 23h "Emily told me she couldn't take Lily trick-or- treating this year because she and her boyfriend were going to some adult Halloween party. " Tell Emily & your family that SHE decided to have a child & its on her to look after that child until 18 that means SHE misses out on parties ect NOT ME ive done more than enough babysitting & in not changing my plans that have been set for weeks so SHE can go party, ΝΤΑ ... Reply 234
    via u/TheDarkSide46
  • 16
    Mishy162 23h NTA. But make sure you leave for your plans early or spend the day with a friend before going to your plans because it sounds like none of your family respect the fact you already have plans and if you are home you will find yourself alone with your niece. Reply 191
    via u/Mishy162
  • 17
    angelicak92 23h "You're her mother, act like it and look after your own kid". Sometimes you need to be really blunt. Nta ... ← Reply 153
    via u/angelicak92
  • 18
    L Lindensorry. 23h NTA. I'd leave your house early on Halloween because both your mom and sister will dump your niece on you. I mean, leave early in the morning or, better yet, leave on the 30th. ... Reply 1 166
    via u/Lindensorry
  • 19
    Infiniteltem • 19h Definitely leave the day before and don't come home until the 1st! Haha ... ← 56 ⇓
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  • 20
    Queasy-Disaster8002 · 23h NTA. I (55M) raised 5 kids. Loved, loved, loved taking them ToT'ing. They were so excited, we all dressed up. The joy of seeing a kid happy and excited is a 11 out of 10 memory. So quickly they got old enough to go on their own and didn't want a parent to tag along. Your sister seems all about her if she would pass that up for a 'regular date' she could have any other night. More importantly as the Aunt, you are a special relationship like a guest should be treated, not
    via u/Queasy-Disaster8002
  • 21
    NTA. Mapilean 23h • Your mother could take Lily instead. Is Emily her GC? She wasn't dumped with other people's kids when she was your age (and younger), why is she preventing you to pursue your interests and hang out with your friends? After all, family helps family, right? Or are you a next-door neighbor? Reply 45
    via u/Mapilean
  • 22
    NTA Outside-Ad1720 • 23h Not your responsibility. Your sister is the parent. She should be the one taking her out. Time to set much stricter boundaries with her. Be careful. She might try to leave her with you before you have a chance to leave. Don't let that happen. Reply 34
    via u/Outside-Ad1720
  • 23
    WaterElefant • 18h 1. You already had plans. Lily's mom should have ASKED you if you were available, not just ASSUMED. 2. Since you aren't, Emily should find someone else. Grandma, friend, another relative, a babysitter... 3. Why did she make plans before knowing? 4. IDK where you live, but here in AZ, it gets dark by 6:15. Plenty of time for Emily to take Lily around and still go to an adult party.
    via u/WaterElefant
  • 24
    5. Time for you to set boundaries with Emily. You are seriously being taken advantage of and not respected for your own life. 6. Six years ago, when Lily was a baby, you were 13. You're an adult now. They aren't recognizing that. IMHO, your sister and your Mom are getting high off of their drama and sense of entitlement. ← Reply 32 ↓
    via u/WaterElefant

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