Woman Sees Red Flags After Boyfriend Cancels Plans Last Minute to 'Comfort' Coworker, He Gets Defensive When Asked for Details

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 30, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome, internet-surfin' ladies. A partner that gets jealous of your workplace friendships is probably a walking, talking red flag. While it's always better to set some boundaries with coworkers, it is inevitable that after spending several hours working together, problem-solving, and gossiping about your overbearing manager in the break room, you will develop some relationships that deserve some attention outside of work. If your partner doesn't understand that, then you need to drop them. But what if you keep cancelling plans with your partner to hang out with your coworkers? What if it is the same coworker every time, and you keep skirting any and all opportunities for your partner to meet this coworker so you can have your one-on-one time? Well, then you're partner might have a point.

In our story today, our protagonist is fed up when her boyfriend cancels their plans yet again to spend an evening with a coworker who is having another personal crisis that apparently only he can help her through. Scroll down to read BF's defensive texts when our protagonist calls him out on prioritizing another woman. 

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  • 01
    r/AmlOverreacting u/Any-Confusion-5519.5d AIO about my partner's relationship with their coworker
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 02
    3 8:20A Boston, MA hey babe i'm grabbing drinks at hh so you don't have to wait up جاس 1/4 huh hiii what do you mean? What about din? i'm just gonna eat out weren't we going to Bertie's...? who are you going to hh with? we can go another night just some coworkers COWORKER well duh lol but who ,, and a new guy ook like do you want me to stop by? I'm just confused because we had plans. You were buoy Monday and I came + iMessage
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 03
    3 8:20A اس 2/4 Boston, MA ... ook like do you want me to stop by? I'm just confused because we had plans. You were busy Monday and I came home late yesterday so like I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight I'm sorry i'm just busy tonight it came up last minute i don't know what you except me to do it's a work thing Well can you leave early? I'll be home by 12 your happy hour goes til 12 How are you getting home babe can you relax? i'll be home later + iMessage •1/1.
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 04
    3 8:21A اس 3/4 Boston, MA i'll be home later is your best friend gonna drive you again i'll see you later i'm so over the surveillance The surveillance?? So I assume that's a yes unsent a message is gonna drive me back but she's not my best friend she's just a coworker ok so when are we all hanging out literally whenever can you at least try to be back + iMessage 11/11
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 05
    8:35A 4/4 Boston, MA can you at least try to be back before 12 so we can see each other a little before bed okay look this isn't my story to tell but you really need to chill out s boyfriend cheated on her so we're just trying to support her omg :( poor I'm so sorry for her and that's really hard And I'm not trying to be insensitive But doesn't she have any non- work friends that she wants to be with? she's having a really hard time. i can't do this right now + iMessage Delivered
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 06
    they've been hanging out with their coworker a lot over the past couple of weeks. This girl always seems to be in some kind of crisis, too. Last week it was that she messed up an account and she was afraid she was gonna lose her job. I don't know whether I'm reading too much into this or if I'm overreacting but I've never met her and I've asked to swing by whatever bar or place they're hanging out at multiple times and I'm always shut down in some way or I get no response. I don't want to be the
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 07
    have any friends but lately they're always together and I'm getting blown off. These curt and vague responses are out of character too, and it's always the type of response I get when I'm asking questions about an event where this female coworker is at or really anything that has to do with her. It has really put me on edge, they're usually such a sweet and attentive partner but i feel like they might be cheating... am i overreacting?? 19.4k ♡ 8,114 D
    via u/Any-Confusion-5519
  • 08
    Accomplished Pear7305 • 5d Nah. Girl if you don't dump this . You're his gf; he's blowing you off, getting defensive and twisting your concern as "surveillance" because he knows he's being sneaky. He should make you, your plans and your feelings his priority, not his Office Wife. He's telling you she's his focus and you aren't getting it. Let those two dramatic windbags have each other. 3.6k
    via u/AccomplishedPea7305
  • 09
    • VesperLynd- ⚫ 5d I do wonder if that other woman is even aware of all this or if OPs future ex just has the hots for her and is trying to get her dr_nk. Either way this is disgusting and he 100% will cheat if he isn't already. At least emotionally. She needs to dump him asap ✩ 767
    via u/VesperLynd
  • 10
    islandgal8oh8 • 5d His "work thing" was comforting his female coworker after she'd been cheated on... at a bar until midnight??? Sounds like a really important and exclusive work thing. 1 6.1k
    via u/islandgal8oh8
  • 11
    CoreyLee04 • 4d "She's really having a bad time. She just got cheated on. Anywho I'm going to go cheat on you with her" ... 2.6k B
    via u/CoreyLee04
  • 12
    Admiral-Thrawn2 • 4d The part that me off is they had plans but then he said the work thing was "last second" like i see my coworkers ALL DAY. If I have plans after work there's O chance I'm going to spend more hours with coworkers after work ... 11.2k
    via u/Admiral-Thrawn2
  • 13
    CuriousPenguinSocks • 4d He plays it like a work thing, and when that doesn't work, he pulls the emotional support card. I'm sorry, but my husband has had actual work dinners come up when we had plans. I was invited to join, and the bosses gave me an apology, lol. NOR here OP, you deserve more. Your plans with your BF were less important than a coworker being cheated on. Big yikes. 1728
    via u/CuriousPenguinSocks
  • 14
    adamspc1.5d I hate to say it, but if i had to bet your suspicions are right. The idea that he needs to hang out with this girl and making it sound like it's the noble thing to do is a red flag. Making you think there is a reason she is always around and making himself look good and compassionate at the same time. 2.8k
    via u/adamspc1
  • 15
    dramatic_melancholy ⚫ 5d Exactly, why didn't he say that from the beginning? Why would another girl (you, his girlfriend) who she seemingly knows via bf not be a good additional support system there?
    via u/dramatic_melancholy
  • 16
    Trust your gut, I've lived this situation before. It's hard but best case he doesn't show you the respect you deserve regardless of if he's cheating or not. My next boyfriend who did respect and value me showed me a world of difference that even a couple years after the breakup informed me as to how bad it really was. Sending love! 631
    via u/dramatic_melancholy
  • 17
    MiniDrow • 5d Honey your man is playing you, and if he isn't he clearly doesn't give a about you. Sorry if I'm blunt but that's what it is. You're literally telling him you really want to see him, you'll even stop by the bar that he's at and yet he doesn't want you anywhere near it? Pretty sure the only cheating that's going on his him cheating on you. You're dating a , there are millions of guys out there that would love that type of attention from their girl. Leave his He's a 1.7k
    via u/MiniDrow
  • 18
    vineswinga11111 • 5d And then when she asks when they're all going to hang out he says "literally whenever"... So how about now? 384
    via u/vineswinga11111
  • 19
    Difficult Process_88.5d No, you're not over reacting. Even if nothing is going on btwn them... 1. He wouldn't have a problem with you being there. 2. She's relying too much on him. There may not be anything sexual going on btwn them but it's emotional and it won't be long before it becomes sexual. Btw, supporting a co worker after a break up isn't a "work thing"! And he got awful defensive. 13.6k
    via u/Difficult Process_88
  • 20
    CookieWifeCookieKids • 5d And aggressive! 1.3k
    via u/CookieWifeCookieKids
  • 21
    Turts-McGurt • 5d Not just that but prioritizing the other woman's emotional needs over his partners. It was over as soon as he said "she's having a really hard time right now". Like.... why is that your problem? You made plans with your partner and are cancelling on them... You're giving your partner a problem to help another woman? Yeah relatoinship is done. + 3.4k
    via u/Turts-McGurt
  • 22
    NOR. Emerald EyesAlyssa • 5d I am direct AF, and basically this is telling me, that his colleague's broken heart is more important to him than you are, and also, I'm not liking the fact that he is gaslighting you, by saying he doesn't like the surveillance. 1.2k
    via u/Emerald EyesAlyssa
  • 23
    exscapegoat • 5d Yeah asking for details or offering to stop by when someone repeatedly cancels plans isn't surveillance 239
    via u/exscapegoat
  • 24
    11gus11.5d It's not even surveillance. OP just wants to spend time with her boyfriend, and he's acting like she's doing something crazy ... 219
    via u/11gus11
  • 25
    Typical_Elderberry_9⚫ 5d I think he's hiding something :/ 298
    via u/Typical_Elderberry_9
  • 26
    BattleTurbulent9142 5d This certainly feels odd. Trust your gut with this. On the flip side, you have such a sweet spirit of kindness and consideration in these messages! 231
    via u/BattleTurbulent9142
  • 27
    Throwra Barracuda • 5d Girl I'd just show up there 2 ↑ 71 ↓
    via u/ThrowraBarracuda

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