Pregnant Woman Refuses to Travel for In-Law's Thanksgiving Dinner, Setting Healthy Boundaries but Enraging Them for 'Breaking Tradition'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 30, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Welcome, hot tea sippin' sisters. The holidays are the jolliest time of the year! You finally get to take some days off of work or school, travel to see long-distance family and friends, and gain about ten pounds from massive holiday dinners, never-ending leftovers, and festive snacks. The downsides of traveling during this time include sky-high plane ticket prices, packed airports, and the increased probability of delays or flight cancellations due to weather. If this sort of thing isn't bad enough on its own, imagine being pregnant for it. 

In our story today, a woman far along in her pregnancy decides that she will not attend her in-law's holiday events this year because doing so would require her to travel by plane. While it's already too much that her mother-in-law expects her to deal with TSA and cramped airplane seats during the craziest time of the year while pregnant, MIL then proceeds to try and convince her son to leave his pregnant wife alone during the holidays so he can "spend time with his family." To read our protagonist's sassy and absolutely perfect response to her MIL, scroll down below!

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Awkward_Middle4138.2d AITAH For Telling My MIL That My Husband Is Spending Thanksgiving With His "New" Family?
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 02
    31F. I'm married to my husband Elliot (33M) and am pregnant with our first baby. Our daughter is due the week after Thanksgiving and we're both incredibly excited.
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  • 03
    Elliot and I are actually from the same hometown, but we moved across the country when I got into my dream grad school. To be honest, his parents weren't happy about him moving for me, and always said I was talking him away from the family and that he shouldn't "give up his dreams" for me. Luckily, Elliot stood up for me and told his parents that he saw a future with me and wanted to be in the same city as me. I also don't know how he was "giving up his dreams" when the city is actually the best
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 04
    We ended up loving the city, and staying there after I graduated. It was beneficial for both of our careers and we now have a great group of friends. Elliot's parents have gotten better over the years, but I've never felt fully comfortable around them and always get the sense that they're upset we moved away.
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 05
    For our entire marriage, we've flown home to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families. But given that my due date is the week after Thanksgiving this year, we obviously planned on staying home and celebrating together. Yesterday, my MIL called and told me about a conversation she had with Elliot. I guess she called him earlier in the week, and asked when he was flying home for Thanksgiving. Elliot said that I can't fly when my due date is a week away, and my MIL said he could still
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 06
    fly out for a few days. Elliot refused because he didn't want to leave me. He said he wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with me and feels uncomfortable leaving when I'm so close to my due date since the baby could come early. I learned all this from my MIL because Elliot never told me about the conversation. He said he didn't tell me because the request was insane, and he didn't want me to worry about it with everything else going on.
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 07
    My MIL asked if me if I'd tell Elliot he should fly home to spend time with his parents and sisters. I told my MIL that I want him to spend time with his family, but also, I want my husband with me when I'm in the final stage of pregnancy. I also don't want to be alone on Thanksgiving, since my family is on the other side of the country.
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 08
    My MIL told me that I see Elliot all the time, and the holidays are the time he gets to spend with his family. She also said that I was the one who wanted to move away, and so I should accept that there will be times when Elliot and I don't spend the holidays together because he has an obligation to fly home and spend that time with his family. I tried to tell her that I don't feel comfortable, but she kept going on and on about how she wants to see her son on Thanksgiving and how family is the
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 09
    I interrupted, and said she's welcome to visit us, but Elliot and I are both going to be home on Thanksgiving and also Christmas since we'll have a newborn. I told her that since she values family so much, she should be happy that she raised a son who prioritizes his wife and child, since we're his family now. I said that Elliot is doing the right thing by putting his "new" family first at this stage of his
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 10
    life. This set my MIL off, and she said I was being selfish and possessive. She said that her biggest fear when we got married was that I would take him away from his family, and I'm doing just that. She seemed especially upset that I referred to us as Elliot's "new" family. I told her she needs to take it up with Elliot and got off the phone.
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 11
    When I told Elliot about the conversation, he was furious to say the least. He told me that his mom is being unreasonable and assured me he'd take care of it. I'm glad he's sticking up for me, but I've been sad all day. I'm not trying to keep my husband away from his family, but also, I don't want to spend Thanksgiving alone when I'm so pregnant. I also want him here in case I go into labor early. I feel bad that they miss him and won't get to see him for the holidays this year, especially when
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 12
    Also, the funniest thing is that my MIL came to the USA from England, and so I don't know why Thanksgiving is such a big deal to her LMAO. 3,202 284 D
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 13
    banson961119 • 2d NTA. It's your best and most honest option to do this. ... ← Reply 2.5k
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  • 14
    _coffee_ • 2d Certainly NTA. You were absolutely right to invite her to visit. I'm surprised she didn't offer to do so anyway, what with you being an expectant mother. Doesn't she want to see her grandchild right away? No, she just wants to impose herself onto you and remind you that (in her mind) you're the second most important person woman in her son's life. I think your post would be more than welcome in r/ JustNoMIL (Just no, mother-in-law) ← Reply 612
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  • 15
    RJack151 • 2d NTA. You two have visited for years and are starting a family. Time for MIL to pay up and come to you. Glad that your husband is standing up for his family/ you. Reply 250
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  • 16
    Awkward_Middle4138 OP.2d Thanks so much! I agree and I'm glad he's sticking up for me too! ← 75
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  • 17
    xCharmingBreeze • 2d I completely agree. You've made the effort to visit for years, and now that you're starting your own family, it's reasonable for your MIL to come to you. It's great to see that your husband is supporting you. It sounds like a fair compromise, and your MIL should understand that family dynamics change, especially with a newborn on the way OP. NTA 13
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  • 18
    Fredredphooey • 2d NTA. She's only making it a big deal because it's an opportunity to villify you and make you feel bad. She doesn't care about Thanksgiving per se. Stop feeling guilty. If your MIL actually wanted to see her son, she would get on a plane. She only wants to see him if it's convenient for her. Reply 161
    via u/Fredredphooey
  • 19
    Awkward_Middle4138 OP.2d You're right! She knows she can visit us! You'd think she'd offer that while I'm pregnant! ... ✩ 76 ⇓
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 20
    ΝΤΑ Tight Cheetah_4474 • 2d You are right. When you guys got married and started having kids you became top priority and his mother/family of orgin become extended. That's the way it's supposed to be. She's having a hard time with that but that's on her because what she is asking for is impossible. She's asking for your husband to remain #1 and that's over. Let him handle her unreasonable expectations. Reply 50
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  • 21
    Awkward_Middle4138 OP.2d Thanks for the advice! She's putting him in a tough position by expecting him to put her over his wife and child ... 28 ⇓
    via u/Awkward_Middleton4138
  • 22
    madgeystardust • 2d She isn't really. He didn't bat an eye and told her no. It doesn't sound like it was tough for him at all and that's fabulous. He didn't even tell you, he just handled it. She put him in a tough position when she went behind his back to bully you into sending him to her house whilst you're heavily pregnant and alone. She's delusional. ... 26
    via u/madgeystardust
  • 23
    Dachshundmom5 • 2d Oh honey. You have a champion of a husband trying to be a good husband and father. He's fending off his crazy mother and refusing to play Norman to her Mama Bates, LET HIM BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER. Please get yourself into some counseling so this witch quits manipulating you. Your husband's a great guy here and you deserve him to be a great guy. Your baby deserves this man as a father. Don't undermine that because you're desperate to people please. You deserve this good hu
    via u/Dachshundmom5
  • 24
    lapsteelguitar . • 2d Do the Drs even allow a 40 week pregnant to fly? How about the airlines? And to think that your hubby would leave town with you that far along? That's so unreasonable I.... Just can't. Personally, I can't imagine any kind of emergency that would have dragged me from my wife, with her being that far along.
    via u/lapsteelguitar
  • 25
    Your MIL is going to accept that things have changed, something she seems unwilling to do. The good thing is, your hubby has your back. Regarding you hubby not telling what his mom proposed, I'd have started that conversation with "guess what that crazy b might not have said anything. said THIS time." Or I NTA. Reply ☑ 13
    via u/lapsteelguitar
  • 26
    Emotional-Hair-1607 • 2d Imagine being very pregnant and trying to fly at the busiest time of year when winter weather has set in. 6⇓
    via u/Emotional-Hair-1607

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family drama marriage pregnancy entitled parents married with children thanksgiving Female Empowerment reddit story relationships couples mother in law love entitled pregnant reddit thread Reddit
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