Woman Refuses to Spend Savings to Bail Sister Out of Debt, Family Brands Her 'Heartless and Selfish' Despite Not Helping Themselves

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 6, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web. If you have the financial means to do so, helping out a family member in need can be incredibly rewarding. Whether you loan out money with the expectation of being paid back, or you go full Good Samaritan, supporting the people you love during a financial rough patch or while they receive pricey medical care typically results in stronger family relationships in the long run. While 'family helps family' is a good notion to live by in most cases, there are plenty of people that end up feeling entitled to their family's financial assistance.

In our story today, a successful woman finds herself being pressured to clear out her savings account to get her sister out of debt. Confused by the fact that she is being singled out to dish out money for her sister's financial irresponsibility, she takes to the internet to vent her frustrations. Get all the details down below.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/babygrlchyna • 22h AITA for refusing to spend my savings to bail out my sibling from debt?
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 02
    My sibling recently approached me, asking for help with their financial situation. Apparently, they've racked up a ton of debt over the past few years from "emergency" purchases and lifestyle choices. They've been struggling to manage it, and now it's at a breaking point where creditors are contacting them non-stop.
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 03
    I've been careful with my money, working hard and saving for years to build up a bit of a safety net for myself. I'm not rolling in cash, but I've got enough set aside to feel secure. When my sibling asked me to help, they weren't looking for a small loan; they wanted me to clear out nearly all my savings to cover their debts. They argued that "family should help each other" and implied I was selfish for not wanting to help them get out of this mess.
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 04
    I tried suggesting other options like talking to a financial advisor or consolidating their debt but they brushed those off, saying they'd take too long and that I was their "only real option." They even got my parents involved, who are now pressuring me, saying that "family is more important than money" and that I should do this because I'm the "responsible one."
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 05
    I feel for my sibling, and I understand they're in a tough spot. But it doesn't feel fair to me to sacrifice everything I've worked for, especially when I had nothing to do with their financial choices. Now I'm being called heartless and cold by my family, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being selfish for holding onto my savings.
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 06
    AITA for refusing to use my savings to bail out my sibling? 6,443 2,657 D
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 07
    Existence Raisin ⚫ 21h • Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] NTA. It's their fault they got into this situation, and it's not your responsibility to get them out of it, especially if it will put you in a bad situation to help. them ... Reply 7.3k
    via u/ExistenceRaisin
  • 08
    babygrlchyna OP • 21h Thanks for saying that. It's hard to stand my ground, especially when the guilt trip is intense. But I really don't want to put myself in a bad position just because they made poor choices. 13.5k
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 09
    Shadow4summer • 21h Part ipant [1] You are not their only option. A consolidation loan is a good start. And although I hate it, declare bankruptcy. Do not fund your siblings lifestyle. If they don't change, your money will just be thrown away. NTA. Ask your folks, who will take care of you when you need it if you are not allowed to take care of yourself now? 1 3k
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 10
    NefariousnessSweet70 · 18h • Op, please put a hold on your credit, make sure no one can take out loans in your name. It happens way too often in Redit. Be sure No One else can access your banking.
    via u/NefariousnessSweet70
  • 11
    If you have to go NC with the flying monkeys, do it. Keep them on an information diet, telling them nothing when anything changes. Stop calling them, stop answering their calls. They only want your money. 1.8k
    via u/NefariousnessSweet70
  • 12
    Pspaughtamus • 16h Part ipant [1] To add to this, do not tell anyone the state of your finances, not how much you have in savings especially. ← 836 ⇓
    via u/Pspaughtamus
  • 13
    star_stitch 14h Absolutely. Never ever discuss your finances with family (other than your partner of course) or friends. My sister was always trying to find out how much money we had and ways to manipulate me into bailing her out. 325
    via u/star_stitch
  • 14
    NTA ColdstreamCapple • 21h Supreme Court [146] If you bail your sibling out I guarantee in 6 months time if not sooner they'll want another handout and be back in the same position Tell your parents if they want to bail them out that's on them but it's time to stop enabling them and give them a real world wake up call Otherwise they'll never learn and why should you be their personal ATM because they feel they deserve things above their means? ← Reply 684
    via u/ColdstreamCapple
  • 15
    No_Profile_3343 • 21h Part ipant [1] 100%! NTA Paying off their debt teaches them ZERO about managing money. If you enable them to continue their poor money skills, the circle of poor sending habits continues. Tell mom and dad they can make their choices with their money but yours is strictly off-limits and is set aside for you! 112
    via u/No_Profile_3343
  • 16
    Mary_Tagetes • 16h There was a post on here a while ago about a guy receiving lots of pressure from his family to bail out his cousin. The guy had bought a place in Shanghai, his fiancé and her family insisted, and now he was in trouble. The OP tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn't listen. He mentioned he was buying a car at a family gathering, big mistake. He knew that he could give him every cent and it wouldn't matter. NTA, sibling needs a financial counselling. 23
    via u/Mary_Tagetes
  • 17
    • waaasupla 21h Tell them, "Since I was getting punished for being the 'responsible' one. I chose not to be since family bails out others anyway. So I bought lottery and lost everything. I would appreciate if you can give me some money for next month rent." They are not listening to any other options bcoz they want free money from you that they never have to pay back. And if you give now, it's just the beginning & you will become the enabler.
    via u/waaasupla
  • 18
    Stop telling them how much money you make, spend or save. Let this be a lesson to keep your finances a secret. Tell them you spent everything and keep it away from them. And start asking them for money. ... ← Reply 1.6k
    via u/waaasupla
  • 19
    babygrlchyna OP. 21h Haha, that would definitely make a point! I think you're right; if I give in now, they'll always expect me to bail them out. I'd rather set a boundary now than start a pattern. 941
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 20
    blackcat218 • 20h Oh I like this answer. I would also be asking why the parents aren't helping since it's their kid. Also could add in that they are older and therefore should be more responsible and can bail out sibling. 21
    via u/blackcat218
  • 21
    City_Girl_at_heart ⚫ 21h • NTA. You saved money, they didn't. They got into debt, you didn't. Tell everyone who wants to help to put their money in if they're so happy to spend your money. ... Reply 246
    via u/City_Girl_at_heart
  • 22
    O babygrlchyna OP. 21h Exactly! It's frustrating that they're so quick to volunteer my money instead of pitching in themselves. If they feel strongly about helping, they could start by offering their own support. 188 ⇓
    via u/babygrlchyna
  • 23
    PracticallySkeptic ⚫ 21h Ah le Aficionado [10] NTA. Please do not let your family pressure you into giving away your hard earned savings. No! They are wrong. You are not wrong. Period. Consider also that you are pouring money into a bottomless hole here until your sibling learns how to manage their finances and right the ship. They have to do that first, before any bailout and not after. Your suggestions were the right ones - go consolidate the debt, form a repayment plan, etc. Reply 366
    via u/PracticallySkeptic
  • 24
    babygrlchyna OP • 21h Thank you! That's exactly my concern. I don't want to throw my savings at the problem if they haven't taken steps to fix their spending habits. I feel like supporting them in making a real financial plan would help them more in the long run. ... 242
    via u/babygrlchyna

Tags

family drama sibling rivalry lazy Female Empowerment adulting siblings reddit story relationships debt love entitled sister reddit thread Reddit savings money entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article