'He's mad at being forced to look after his own child': Husband refuses to assist pregnant wife with their toddler, claims he's 'off duty'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 9, 2024 3:00 PM EST

As any parent can tell you, parenting is a full-time job. It may not pay the bills, but it sure takes a lot out of you. It doesn't stop when you go to sleep, or when you're watching TV, or even when you're on vacation. You're a parent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You don't get to choose whether or not you're 'on duty' if you're a parent, you just always are. And for couples parenting together, it's important that you both understand that. Otherwise, conflicts are bound to arise. 

That's what happened in this couple when the husband didn't quite internalize the role of father. So while his wife was sick, tired, and trying to take care of their children, he was off trying to rest. But commenters were quick to swoop in and show them what was what. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10425553408
    via Sean Roy

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for interrupting husbands "free time" because I'm sick?
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 03
    I (24f) am pregnant with my second child. My husband (25m) wasn't the most understanding of pregnancy last time and basically thought I was being "dramatic" till I started showing at which point he was very supportive. This seems to be happening again.
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 04
    He has been helping out with our toddler a lot at night and I'm suppose to then take toddler when he's up at 6am to let husband sleep in. This has happened with varying success because toddler is loud.
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 05
    Last night husband went to bed at 9:30pm last night and toddler slept till 4:45am when my husband got up to settle him and then husband went back to sleep till around 7:45.
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 06
    Tensions were already running high because husband continued to be "off the clock" but stayed in the dining room. This meant toddler was running up to dad every 30 seconds. I was trying to make everyone food but was repeatedly being called over to distract my toddler away from my husband. I finally told him if he wanted to have free time he needed to go into the bedroom and shut the door. He did so after some grumbling that he should be allowed to enjoy time wherever he wants in his home. But se
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 07
    I continued to clean and take care of toddler while getting sicker and sicker. I had to interrupt husband for a minute to watch toddler while I puked. Then he went back to the room when I was done. At 9:45 am I had to interrupt him again cause I was sick.
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 08
    At this point husband was very upset. He says I shouldn't be "offering" him free time and then interrupting him repeatedly. I feel I really did try my best to give him free time but can't control when I'm sick. I've tried to just bring toddler with me but he will just open the door and run away while I'm puking. AITA for interrupting my husband?
    via u/Zobug6_
  • 09
    crazyheather345 22h ago • • NTA, so obviously NTA. When you got married, did you exchange a set of vows that said "in sickness and in health", or some variant thereof? Because this sort of situation is what those vows mean.
    via u/crazyheather345
  • 10
    Your husband is your husband for all times and all seasons. Not just when he actively choses to be on 'husband duty'. That man is the father of your child at times and all seasons. Not just when he actively choses to be on 'daddy duty'. Toddlers are a handful. They require a lot of care. He knew that before you had a child. You are ill, so he needs to look after his own flesh and blood.
    via u/crazyheather345
  • 11
    Would you step up for him if he was ill? Why can't he step up for you?
    via u/crazyheather345
  • 12
    burnt-heterodoxy 22h ago. Girl, why did you have another baby with this guy after he already treated you like sh while you were pregnant with the first one? Don't get it twisted - huffing and accusing you of being dramatic and not supporting and caring for you whilst sick due to carrying his child, no matter how showing, is treating you like sh. NTA he s ks
    via u/burnt-heterodoxy
  • 13
    Mobile_Following_198 • 22h ago NTA and the subtle language and actions here make it sound like there is already an inherent imbalance in your relationship. Your husband doesn't "help out" with his own kids. That's called just... parenting. I notice you are also the one cooking, the one cleaning up after the toddler, the one expected to do such duties and also manage yourself, the
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 14
    house, the kids... while the husband relaxes and is occasionally given duties to "help" you. This isn't how a partnership should work. It should. be more organic and equitable, and he should have more compassion and sympathy and be willing to take on more load without asking when you are sick. Your husband is a major AH.
    via u/Mobile_Following_198
  • 15
    D20IsHowlRoll • 22h ago NTA he's a full time dad and husband, thems the breaks. He was the AH well before we even got to you being sick. He was miffed at you for struggling to cook food for the family and entertain the the toddler at the same time? Frankly it sounds like like you have two toddlers.
    via u/D20IsHowlRoll
  • 16
    Busylzy83 22h ago • • NTA Being a husband and father isn't a job. It doesn't come with "off-duty" hours and weekends away. It's called being a partner and parenting. Honestly - it was a red flag during the first pregnancy when he thought you were being dramatic instead of having morning sickness, a well documented part of pregnancy in the first trimester for a lot of people.
    via u/Busylzy83
  • 17
    If he feels the need to divide up the hours of the day and the duties of parenting a child to this degree even while married you might as well go for the divorce and just turn it into the custody arrangement. Get the child support and move on and find a partner who gives a f about you and your kids and not just himself.
    via u/Busylzy83
  • 18
    Existence Raisin • 22h ago NTA. He's mad at being forced to look after his own child, while his pregnant wife is being sick, because it's "interrupting his free time"
    via u/ExistenceRaisin
  • 19
    dstarpro . 22h ago . NTA. Husband got 7 hours of straight sleep, then 3 more straight hours, and then thinks he's entitled to sit around like a bump on a log while you run around ragged, pregnant and ill? Serving him BREAKFAST IN BED LIKE HE'S A KING? F NO. Tell that man he's a parent and husband, and has adult responsibilities now. He's not one of the toddlers.
    via u/dstarpro
  • 20
    • Special_Hedgehog83... 22h ago So your husband acted like this during your first pregnancy, why get pregnant a second time when you know this is how he is?
    via u/Special_Hedgehog83
  • 21
    • Upstairs_Courage_465 22h ago ⚫ So, "free time" has a different definition after kids. Sleep also is subjective after kids, especially when they are little. While you are making a meal, husband should be watching the LO. While you are picking, husband should be watching the LO. The 1st and possibly second trimester can be chock full of vomit and a tiredness that surpasses human understanding. Tell the husband that if he wants to make babies, he has to step up.
    via u/Upstairs_Courage_465

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