Dad allows his 7-year-old daughter to stay up all night after she constantly resisted her 10 PM bedtime, cries from exhaustion during her after school activities: 'My wife questioned my parenting technique'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 18, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Sleep hygiene is developed extremely early in life. My parents insisted that I go to bed by 8 PM until I was in 4th grade. I remember thinking how absurd it was because everyone else in my class stayed up until at least 9 PM on school nights. I might have complained about it then, but I am reaping its benefits today. Even as a grown-up who doesn't have to get to the office until 10 PM, I make sure I'm home in bed by 12:30 AM at the very latest on weeknights. Getting a good night's sleep is more important to me than basically any party or late-night social engagement, no matter how silly that may sound to those insomniacs out there. The dad in this story tried an unconventional method to instill good sleep habits in his 7-year-old, and everyone seems conflicted over whether it was smart.

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    Cheezburger Image 10430440192
    via Joseph Gonzalez

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for teaching my daughter the importance of sleep?
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 03
    Just like any other kid, my (7 yo) daughter HATES bedtime. If it's ever 9:59 and we tell her it's bed time then she will make a huge court case about how we are depriving her of one minute of her life. I always let it go but this week when I told her it's bed time at 10:05 she protested.
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 04
    Essentially she didn't understand why she had to go to bed while the rest of us adults stayed up later. It's unfair that we get to enjoy the rest of our night while she has to go to bed early. I mean she's not wrong, it definitely makes more sense for me to go to bed early as well since all of us wake up roughly around the same time but I needed her to understand the consequence of the trade off between sleep and early mornings.
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 05
    So I told her okay...she can stay up as long as she wants. H I, if we go to bed she can keep watching tv all night till the next morning. Her eyes glimmered and she did her little victory dance before sitting on the sofa and enjoying her little win. My wife protested saying that she'll be too tired for school tomorrow and I said "that's the point".
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 06
    I went to bed and woke up at 7am, sure enough my daughter slept on the sofa probably about 2 hours before I woke up. Understandably, getting her to wake up and get ready for school was a battle that neither of us enjoyed. I dropped her off at school and picked her up again after work, she was DONE with the day and slept in the car on the way home.
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 07
    Once we got home she tried to go to bed and I told her she can't because her swimming lesson is in an hour so she needs to get ready for that. She cried but I still forced her to go with her mom. She came back just barely able to make it through the day and tried making her way up the stairs again. I told her she forgot about her homework and she started crying again.
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 08
    My wife said we should let her sleep but I was firm on my stance that if we let her off the hook right now then she will never understand the consequences of her decision. Delaying responsibilities due to factors within your control isn't okay and I don't want her learning that it is. I helped her with her homework and by the time it was 8 she was already in bed.
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 09
    The next night when it was 10 she didn't even protest, just started walking up to her bedroom and declined when I asked her if she wanted to stay up with us. I thought the mission was a success but my wife questioned my parenting technique and said it was border line neglectful & manipulative. I disagreed but after a few conversations with friends and family I'm slowly starting to doubt myself...so reddit AITA?
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 10
    Marmot_Mountain NTA at all...Although we have different parenting techniques, yours worked. I made my kids go to bed at 8. And yes, they had tantrums, but hey, that wore them out! As they got older (9, 10) I made them a deal: they could stay up until 9 ( to watch DragonBall Z) as long as there were NO PROBLEMS getting up and ready in the morning. If one of them was late or not ready in time the next morning, that night they went to bed at 8. It was interesting that at 6:30 am I didn't have to ye
    via u/Marmot_Mountain
  • 11
    twelvedayslate This is my thing. OP, that bedtime is way too late. You're running into issues because she's overtired.
    via u/twelvedayslate
  • 12
    Disneyhorse My kids are almost 14 and their bedtime is finally 9pm (was 8pm pretty much forever). We get up around 6-7am. My own bedtime is 10pm at the latest. Good sleep habits are important... if you regularly get lots of sleep those random late nights aren't bad at all. My kids are NEVER irritable either.
    via u/Disneyhorse
  • 13
    Satan-PostRehab OP You know I hear you, 10PM is indeed on the late side and I think this is a consequence of never really setting an official bed time when she started going to school. By the time we wanted her to sleep earlier she had already been going to bed at 10 for a few years and shifting the bed time this late seemed difficult since she was already complaining about it. Seemed harmless as well since she wakes up with a lot of energy and it seems enough for her. If it ever proves to be a
    via u/Satan-PostRehab
  • 14
    Hot_Rutabaga_1551 Our oldest was appalled when they found out that there was only them and one other boy in the class who went to bed at 8:30pm. They were 10. (We started the "going to bed" routine at 8:30pm so lights were out by about 8:50pm.) Bedtimes changed by 30 minutes or so over the years so that it was lights out at 10:15pm by the time they were in their late teens (school nights only). Our agreement has always been that if they didn't wake up naturally for school the next morning, or we
    via u/Hot_Rutabaga_1551
  • 15
    OP's daughter has learned a valuable lesson in consequences. I also believe that their battles to get her to bed previously come from her being over tired as 10pm is too late a time for someone of her age.
    via u/Hot_Rutabaga_1551
  • 16
    Lex-tailonis "I thought the mission was a success but my wife questioned my parenting technique and said it was border line neglectful & manipulative." You didn't cut her finger off you just kept her awake. I say bravo! And I'm impressed it only too one cycle. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Lex-tailonis
  • 17
    fairiefire It's one day. She didn't di. NTA choices have consequences.
    via u/fairiefire
  • 18
    twelvedayslate YTA for having a 10pm bedtime in the first place for a SEVEN year old. That's too late. She's overtired, which is why bedtime is such a fight.
    via u/twelvedayslate
  • 19
    Quirky-Vegetable-769 ⚫22h ago • I can tell you confidently that even as an adult I can't stand waking up at 6am no matter what time I go to bed the night before. I have been a night owl from the day I was born and just wasn't built to be a morning person. I agree that it may not be for every 7 year old but everyone has different sleep needs.
    via u/Quirky-Vegetable-769
  • 20
    ErikLovemonger I live outside of the US and in most of the world 8PM bedtime for kids is not a thing.
    via u/ErikLovemonger
  • 21
    Soaringsage NTA for teaching your daughter a lesson. She learned the consequences of her actions and why an earlier bedtime is important. However, YTA for two specific reasons. First off, as others have said 10pm is way too late a bedtime for a 7 yo.
    via u/Soaringsage
  • 22
    Second, YTA for making your wife take her to her swim lesson or do anything else when your kid was grumpy and crying from lack of sleep. Your wife didn't want to let your daughter stay up late because she knew your daughter would have a hard time of it the next day, making parenting her harder, yet you still made your wife deal with the consequences of YOUR actions by not dealing with your grumpy daughter yourself. Next time you pull a decision like this over the protests of your wife, make sure
    via u/Soaringsage
  • 23
    TooManlyShoes OP is the one that helped with homework after swim lessons. But also, yes. OP should have taken their daughter to swim lessons as well. It always drives me crazy when my baby daddy makes decisions that negatively impact my time with our kid.
    via u/TooManlyShoes
  • 24
    kkrolla NTA. I took a parenting class. One thing they said was to be thoughtful in your discipline, give a consequence for whatever infraction, then follow through. Don't do the, if you don't stop you won't watch screen for a month, then give them screen time 2 days later. Also, don't give exaggerated consequences for small infractions. You tell kiddo that sleep and routine are important. They don't get it until they experience it. It wasn't cruel. She wasn't tortured. She was tired and frustrat
    via u/kkrolla
  • 25
    Staring AtStarshine You didn't start out this way, but YTA. I don't think this is a bad idea necessarily, sometimes kids have to learn the hard way, especially when "because I said so" doesn't cut it. But jesus christ man, you made your point. The first time she started crying should've been the end of it: she understood what you were trying to do. That's when you should've sat down and had the conversation to make sure she saw why it's important she gets enough rest every night. This didn't bec
    via u/StaringAtStarshine
  • 26
    WherethefuckisTheFun Agreed. I thought it was a genius idea at first but then I changed it to YTA when he keeps pushing her and makes her cry. Point was made by the time she finished school and was exhausted. The rest was cruel punishment
    via u/WherethefuckisTheFun
  • 27
    LadyPurpleButterfly I would have been terrified to allow my worn out, tired daughter to go to swimming lessons! That is where he reached YTA for me! My dude! No one should be trying to swim when they are exhausted!
    via u/LadyPurpleButterfly
  • 28
    justnotthatwitty You taught your daughter a lesson, which is fine, but I still say YTA because (1) you had her up til 10 to begin with, (2) you jump straight to "naughty kid won't go to bed" and don't stop to question why your daughter feels left out & wants more time with her parents at night, and (3) you left the hard follow through to your wife then act kind of smug that what "you" did worked.
    via u/justnotthatwitty
  • 29
    KittiesLove1 I don't think she learned anything, she's just trying to avoid you being mean to her again.
    via u/KittiesLove1
  • 30
    Snoo-88741 • 19h ago • IMO YTA, because you made a unilateral decision and bowled over your wife. I don't think this is bad parenting at all, and would be willing to do the same, but you and your wife are supposed to be a team, and you're supposed to discuss how to discipline your child together and come to an agreement. Not just decide something and keep going with it despite your partner's protests.
    via u/Snoo-88741

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