Woman Refuses to Pay Off Entitled Brother's Gambling Debt, He Publicly Shames Her on the Internet in Retaliation for 'Being Selfish and Hoarding Money'

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  • 01
    r/Amlthe u/Zelinia23 • 1d AITAH for refusing to help my brother pay off his debt after he tried to publicly shame me?
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    I (19F) started a new job recently and saved up quite a bit of money over the past year. My family was proud of me, but my older brother (25M) immediately started making comments like, "You're finally rolling in cash, so I guess you can help your family now." He has always been bad with money, mostly from wasting it on gambling and unnecessary purchases.
  • 03
    Last week, he asked me for $3,000 to help pay off his credit card debt. He said he needed it to avoid getting into more trouble. I told him no because I've seen how he handles money, and I don't trust him to use it wisely. He got mad and called me selfish, saying I was being unfair since I don't have any big expenses right now.
  • 04
    It didn't stop there. A few days later, he went on social media and posted a rant about how I was "hoarding" money while my own family struggled. He even called me a bad sister for refusing to help. Now some family members are saying I should just lend him the money to avoid more drama, but I don't think I should have to pay for his mistakes. AITAH? 5,317 ✓ 727 Q
  • 05
    Habitual-Reject • 1d NTA because that "loan" that your family mention wouldn't be a loan would it now? And if your family are so bothered by your brother's financial situation, they can help him with their money and not yours. Reply 6.3k
  • 06
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d You're so right, calling it a "loan" feels like a joke because there's no way I'd ever see that money again. If my family feels so strongly about helping him, they're welcome to step up themselves. Thanks for pointing that out! 3.7k
  • 07
    PS_is_BS • 1d Post a comment under his post about his gambling and going into debt on unnecessary purchases. Shame him right back! And don't lend him any money. Any relatives that come after you to lend him money, tell them to lend him theirs.
  • 08
    Edit: And don't tell family about your finances. Don't tell them how much you earn. Don't tell them how much you have in savings. Etc. Your finances are none of their business. @ 1 ↑ 2k
  • 09
    in_a_blink_of_an_1 • 22h Be the drama. Make so much noise and shame him so hard (and all that support him over you) that neither he, nor anyone else in your family, ever tries to ever take advantage of you again. Do it on social media if you don't want to do it in person. Do it often, and repeatedly. One retort is not enough. Become the difficult "child". 80
  • 10
    Egil Styrbjorn ⚫ 22h • Sometimes to end the drama you must become the drama 56
  • 11
    greyhounds4life1969. 22h Set up a family whatsApp group and ask for contributions as they're so concerned, watch the tumbleweed. ... 67
  • 12
    intelligentprince 1d A 25 year old man trying to shame his 19 year old sister into "lending " him money? PS you will never see that money again if you do. Don't do this OP, it's going to set up a situation where he constantly hits. you up for money, NTA Reply 1.2k
  • 13
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d Thank you for saying that. I've thought the same thing, it wouldn't just stop at this "loan." Helping him now would just set a precedent for him to keep coming back for more. I'm not willing to go down that road. 475
  • 14
    00 Cavane42 1d NTA Ever notice how people who say that family should help family are usually asking for help, and never offering it? ... ← Reply 527
  • 15
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d That's such a good observation! It's funny how the ones preaching about "helping family" are usually the ones asking for it instead of offering any help themselves. Thanks for the perspective! ... 202
  • 16
    StonyOwl • 1d Now that you're earning money, don't talk about it and don't tell anyone, including your family that you have savings. You're currently learning the hard way what happens when people without money or people who can't manage their money figure out someone else has some. They won't be happy for you, they'll just want you to give it to them. This is a life lesson. 59 ↓
  • 17
    fiestafan73 • 1d Ahle Aficionado [15] I would respond to his social media post with something like, "No, I am not hoarding money. I am saving money like an adult while you are basically lighting yours on fire and expecting me, a TEENAGER, to put the fire out for you. Grow the eff up, loser." If he's going to try to publicly shame you, there is no reason you can't shame him by telling the truth about this situation. NTA. Reply 99
  • 18
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d That's definitely tempting! It's frustrating being publicly shamed for making responsible choices while he burns through his own money. If he keeps this up, I might just have to call him out with the truth. Thanks for the support! 55
  • 19
    Ok Historian_646 • 1d Part ipant [3] NTA. You tell those family members to cough up the $3,000 for him. He is not your responsibility, and if your brother managed HIS money better, he wouldn't be begging for YOURS! Reply D 38
  • 20
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d I wish he saw it that way too. It's frustrating that he thinks his poor decisions should automatically become my responsibility 23
  • 21
    bobbiegee65 • 20h Part ipant [2] Oh, he knows better- he MUST! He just can't back down from his position because that would be admitting he has been greedy and unreasonable. Q + 8 3
  • 22
    ReliefEmotional2639 • 1d NTA. Tell the next person to tell you to lend him the money that they should pitch in. Because you KNOW that if you give in now, he'll keep coming back and repeating the same tactics. You will end up working just to support him and his bad habits. Reply 23
  • 23
    Zelinia23 OP. 1d I love that idea! The next time someone tries to guilt me, I'll just suggest they pitch in instead. Maybe that will make them realize how unfair they're being. ... 19

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