Woman refuses to bankroll her mother-in-law's lifestyle, denying her husband's promise of $4,000 per year: 'They were extremely irresponsible with their $'

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2024 5:00 PM EST

There's never an easy answer when it comes to caring for your elderly parents. Nowadays, with an aging population, it's common to see older folks becoming a burden on their children after a lifetime of squandering wealth and opportunity. But for Gen Xers who have already seen their fair share of struggle, one more mouth to feed can be a gigantic responsibility, even if it's for dear old Ma. 

The woman in our next story, a mother of two with one on the way, was faced with a tough decision when her MIL suddenly needed financial support. After spending away her savings, she was left with a meager piggybank–in the form of her offspring. And after living paycheck to paycheck for years, the idea of bankrolling $4,000 annually to fund her mother-in-law was unsettling. So this woman and her family were forced to reckon with a brutal reality…

Keep scrolling for the dramatic family tale that spawned from a unilateral decision that would affect not only this marriage but also everyone's future. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10433351168
    via solarisys

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not being supportive of giving my MIL $4000 a year So my FIL just passed away recently. My husband and his siblings met with his mom to discuss finances - she has $40,000 to her name (is 76).
    via pobin91
  • 03
    They did the math and decided that she needs around $12,000 a year to help her with expenses- which the siblings are going to split. Well, except one, who is refusing to pay. Therefore, we have to pay $4000 for her property tax and credit card bill.
    via pobin91
  • 04
    My husband never asked me if this was okay but rather told me it was happening. AITA for being furious about this? In the moment I said nothing because his dad had literally just passed away days before. But I'm very frustrated. We have 2 young kids
    via pobin91
  • 05
    and another on the way. I'm a teacher. He makes good money but we still have tight budget. Idk what to do at this point but I refuse to shell out $4000 to her when they were extremely irresponsible with their $. I worry what will happen if there is a huge expense that arises.
    via pobin91
  • 06
    EDIT sorry for the confusion. - I'm upset because he committed to this without asking me. If he asked I wouldn't have said no. I'm not thrilled with it, but know she needs help. The sibling who isn't helping is the biggest ah le and would expect equal
    via pobin91
  • 07
    inheritance. The townhome is fully paid off. They are paying off the CC. I agree we need to sit down and I need to get more info. $4000 a year won't make us homeless, but that's a lot of money to commit to. We lived paycheck to paycheck for years
    via pobin91
  • 08
    and finally last year my husband made good money. So it's very new to us to have a little extra money. If she truly needs the help I'm happy to do it, but just wish I would have been apart of the
    via pobin91
  • 09
    discussion. That's all. We also need a new car - I have driven the same car for 14 years and it won't work with three kids - and this amount monthly is like a car payment too.
    via pobin91
  • 10
    alien_overlord_1001 NTA. If you are sharing finances, he shouldn't be making decisions like this without your input. If you have separate money there probably isn't much you can do if its his money he is giving her.
    via alien_overlord_1001
  • 11
    On the other hand, what goes around comes around - does he at least inherit a share of this property one day? That might pay it back and then some.
    via alien_overlord_1001
  • 12
    Ok_Resident_3518 1. He shouldn't make financial decisions without you if you have shared income or he intends to pay it with some or your salary and not exclusively his. 2. It's only $80 a week, maybe you can find a compromise?
    via Ok_Resident_3518
  • 13
    XplodingFairy Dust Yeah but if one sibling isn't going to contribute they should be prepared to have that deducted from their inheritance to pay back the others.
    via XplodingFairyDust
  • 14
    Hairy_rambutan This is one of those issues where the answer will depend very much on your culture, the way you and your husband have agreed to structure your finances and your own financial circumstances and values.
    via Hairy_rambutan
  • 15
    Consider things before deciding. What will happen to MIL if you and your husband don't pay? How will your husband feel about that, how will you feel about, how will it impact your relationship? If you do pay, how will that affect you and your relationship?
    via Hairy_rambutan
  • 16
    Only you can determine whether the consequences of your actions, whichever way you go, are acceptable to you.
    via Hairy_rambutan
  • 17
    Mayaa-Green NTA. It's understandable to want to help family, but your husband should've discussed this with you first. You're a team, especially with kids and a tight budget, and big financial decisions need to be mutual.
    via Mayaa-Green
  • 18
    STFUCrybaby YTA. Unpopular opinion, based on these comments. You are a mother, and a teacher. No offense whatsoever, but teachers don't make very good money. Some day, you might be in her exact same position. Then what? Your kids will be married.
    via STFUCrybaby
  • 19
    What if one of their wives/ husbands is like you, or her other child, and refuses to pay? Are you going to be homeless and old? Abandoned? This society has lost all respect for its elders. Protect her and it up, buttercup. Stop acting so entitled, because some day it just may be you, and Karma has a really funny way of repaying.
    via STFUCrybaby
  • 20
    CheeseMyMeat She literally said this 4K could create a lot of basic living issues for their family. If I need financial help, I wouldn't want my children to go hungry just because I was financially irresponsible with my money. If she had extra money, sure. But she doesn't, and it sounds like her partner didn't even talk to her first.
    via CheeseMyMeat
  • 21
    goodboy.gus I mean, OP could put that $4,000 a year towards her and her husband's own retirement accounts. If MIL lives another 10 years, that's an extra $40,000 that could've been used to fund their retirement.
    via g00dboygus

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