Woman Refuses to Let Guests Eat Her Daughter's 'Nonntraditional' Thanksgiving Dessert, Makes Back-Up Pie to Undermine Daughter's Efforts: 'You planned to embarrass me!'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 1, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Welcome, gossip goddesses. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. While it is supposed to be a wholesome evening spent with family members that you may not always have the opportunity to see, it really has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Many leave the annual Thanksgiving get-together with fresh reminders as to why they rarely reach out to certain relatives. Somehow, we all do it again the next year anyway. 

In our story today, a young woman's strained relationship with her judgemental mother comes to a head when she is put in charge of the dessert for Thanksgiving dinner. Our protagonist chooses to bring cheesecake rather than the traditional pumpkin pie, seeing as she rather loathes the taste of the latter. Foreseeing that her daughter would choose a nontraditional dessert, her mother secretly bakes a pie with the sole intention of undermining her efforts. Get all the details of this disastrous dinner down below. 

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  • 01
    She went on to cut the pie and serve it to everyone, instructing me to leave the cheesecake in the kitchen. When someone asked to try my dessert, she said, “Let's not mix too many flavors at once."
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  • 02
    u/throwaway 3747434 • 1d AITA for leaving in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner because of pumpkin pie?
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 03
    My (32f) Mother (60f) hosts Thanksgiving dinner at her house every year. It's a small event, with my parents, me, my brothers family and my SILs family attending. We avoid family quarrels by implementing a strict "no politics" rule and trying our best to be civil. I should probably mention that we are not a particularly close-knit family. We rarely see each other beyond these events since my Brother lives in South Africa and I travel a lot due to my work. Thanksgiving is important to my mom sinc
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 04
    Anyway, the main problem I have with my mother is her constant critique of me. She has a habit of making passive-aggressive comments about my life choices, from my career to my lack of children to the way I dress. I've addressed this with her multiple times, but she doesn't really seem aware of it. My father claims it is just her way of fussing and expressing that she cares. It does hurt though,
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 05
    because my brother is never criticised in the same manner. I cannot entirely fault her for her criticism, since I did majorly mess up my life a few months ago (depression) and it has affected her opinion of me negatively. It does not excuse the way I acted, but I just wanted to explain why I left. By the time we finished dinner, I was a bit prickly because of some of her commentary.
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 06
    I made a cake for dessert. I was explicitly put in charge of it and no one specified what exactly I should make, so I opted for Maple Cheesecake. I did my best and I think it looked okay. Mum normally makes pumpkin pie, but I really hate pumpkins (they make me gag), so I thought perhaps we could try something new. As I was bringing out the
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 07
    cheesecake, my mom eyed it somewhat warily and announced that she'd decided to make the usual pie as well. This caught me off guard. I asked why she didn't tell me beforehand, and she said something like, "Well, we figured you'd do your own thing, so I thought it was best to have a backup." She went on to cut the pie and serve it to everyone, instructing me to leave the cheesecake in the kitchen. When someone asked to try my dessert, she said "lets not
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 08
    mix too many flavors at once," which just felt passive-aggressive. I know it's immature for an adult to get this upset over a triviality, but I just (politely) refused as she was handing me a slice of pie, retrieved my coat and left. People were calling after me I think, but by that point I was crying for some reason and it would have been too humiliating to have an emotional outburst in front of everyone for no real reason.
    via u/throwaway3747434
  • 09
    My mom just texted me saying that it was incredibly rude and immature of me to leave like that, especially on Thanksgiving. My brother also sent me a message saying Im acting irrationally. I feel horrible for leaving so abruptly, especially because my parents are getting older and we are already not close. Something about my mother seems to turn me into a neurotic teenager and I hate it. 12.7k 2,299 D
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  • 10
    jphistory. 1d Ahle Enthusiast [5] NTA. Your mom is the wooorst, like seriously the worst. God forbid anyone eat and then compliment your cheesecake! You were not crying for some reason, you were crying for valid reasons. You were not behaving irrationally, you were reacting with perfect rationality given your circumstances. Maybe take off the rest of the holidays and give yourself some grace? Or spend them with a friend or family member that doesn't treat you like an inconvenience? From one blac
    via u/jphistory
  • 11
    allyearswift. 1d Ahle Enthusiast [7] This. Feeling insulted when you've been insulted IS rational. Mom set her up for failure, and it's some weird power play to not just make her put in the work and then dismiss it, banish the cheesecake to the kitchen and tell other people not to eat it, but try and force OP to eat the hated pumpkin. And everyone else goes along with that? Bah. 1.6k
    via u/allyearswift
  • 12
    Mundane-Currency 5088 • 1d This! OP feels exactly the way her mother intended her to feel. That interaction was Designed to make OP feel hurt. A rational statement would be... "Mom. You deliberately hurt my feelings with weird passive aggressive pie nonsense. You wanted me to hurt, so I'm hurt. If you don't like my reaction to You deliberately hurting me I suggest you stop." ... 751
    via u/Mundane-Currency5088
  • 13
    TemperatureTight465 • 1d Part ipant [2] Yeah. OP, you didn't leave because of pumpkin pie, you left because of an extended pattern of mistreatment from your family. That's amazing that you were able to do that and take the space you need. Do not feel bad; she did that on purpose 194
    via u/TemperatureTight465
  • 14
    NoveltyFunsy • 22h Agreed. She set you up to fail and had set herself up to be the saviour. Why ask you to make a dessert if nothing was ever going to be better than her pumpkin pie? The sly dig about you doing 'your own thing' uggggghhhhhh. Heaven forbid someone makes something as outrageous as a CHEESECAKE. Ooooooohhh the scandal! Maple cheesecake sounds amazing BTW, I would smash that in an instant.
    via u/NoveltyFunsy
  • 15
    Personally, I like to combat passive-aggressive people with all out aggression. Don't mince your words, call her out. She is going to get offended either way by the sounds of it, so may as well. Д 13
    via u/NoveltyFunsy
  • 16
    kurokomainu Professor • 1d NTA if your mother's way of "fussing and expressing that she cares" looks, sounds, and feels like she's being a deliberately nasty person then I'm guessing she is really just being a deliberately nasty person. Walks like a duck and all that. I'd tell your father this.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • 17
    Your mother premeditated the whole dessert thing right down to the kick in the teeth of excluding the dessert you made from the table. She got off on being cruel in this petty way for whatever warped reason. This kind of thing is no accident and not care in any way.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • 18
    Golden boy brother can't see it because he is never the target. Dad is trying to see it through the best possible lens. Your mother won't admit to herself what she is really doing even as she deliberately does it. Their blindness doesn't mean she isn't doing it. Reply 5 20.8k
    via u/kurokomainu
  • 19
    audioaddict321 • 1d Not just excluding it from the dinner table, but actively telling someone trying to eat the cheesecake they can't! OP, the only reason you don't know with absolute certainty that your mother is the a h le here is because you are used to her ABUSE. I wouldn't be surprised if your depression were directly tied to the way she diminishes you and your father/ brother do nothing about it.
    via u/audioaddict321
  • 20
    Are you able to go to therapy? Therapy is literally a person to talk to who can give you an outside perspective and whose only interest is helping you decide how you want to act, protect yourself, etc., regarding the things happening around you and rattling around in your head. OP, I'm so sorry your family has failed you here. ... 28.7k
    via u/audioaddict321
  • 21
    Idontlikesoup1 • 1d Your mother only wants you there to humiliate you. And you « didn't mess up your life with depression ». Depression messed up your life and clearly your mom was not part of your recovery. Her behavior is despicable. ... 1 799 ♡
    via u/Idontlikesoup1
  • 22
    lilylady. 1d NTA - You're not close for good reason. Your mom can't even be nice and civil for one evening. Next year decline the invite. We usually have several kinds of dessert for our holiday meals. Maple and pumpkin go great together. I've had keylime pie and chocolate silk pie at the same time without any issue. Your mother was just being unkind on purpose to undermine you.
    via u/lilylady
  • 23
    You did the right thing by leaving when you felt like you could take no more. You don't need to reply to those texts. They didn't ask a question to reply to. They didn't offer an apology to accept or decline. So what would you need to reply to? Ignore it and go on with your best life. You deserve peace and kindness at the holidays as much as anyone... your family isn't bringing that. So have Thanksgiving with a friend next year. ← Reply 1 1.4k
    via u/lilylady
  • 24
    jokayaker • 1d Just having had Thanksgiving dinner at my niece's house with 4 different families (relatives - some haven't seen in 5 years) there were 6 different homemade pies. Having a small slice of each of them was glorious. Your mom is an AH. D 301
    via u/jokayaker

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family drama thanksgiving reddit story relationships couples dinner love family dinner reddit thread red flag Reddit holidays toxic mother parenting entitled daughter
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