Pregnant woman and her husband try to alter annual family trip to remote Christmas tree farm because it isn't kid friendly enough, dad refuses because it's a tradition he cherishes: 'What’s your problem, just do it for dad''

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 5, 2024 6:00 PM EST

There are so many holiday traditions that we accept to make other members of our family happy. It's a form of giving to see The Nutcracker with your mom every year, even though you really don't care about the Sugar Plum Fairy and her journey. A dad might not particularly enjoy risking his hide to put colorful lights on the roof every year, but he does it to make his kids smile. Like them or not, there's a good chance that annual Christmas traditions make someone in your family happy, and that's reason enough to continue doing them. 

What if you find yourself stuck doing a family tradition that you, your partner, and your siblings all really dislike? Would it be cruel to abandon the tradition in favor of a more convenient, cozy tradition that has the same bare bones as the old one? That's what this eldest child took to Reddit to ask, and the responses are conflicted as they come. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10437268224
    via Josh Bean

    This image is for illustration only, and the Christmas trees are models; the image does not depict the actual farm in the story.

  • 02
    AITA to skip my parent's annual Christmas tree tradition because I'm 6 months pregnant and want to start new traditions of our own?
    via u/webpaige
  • 03
    I'm a 33 year old first time mom, my husband (34) and I are expecting our first baby and I'm 6 months pregnant. I am the oldest of 4 kids and every year my parents would take us 45 mins into the mountains to cut down a Christmas tree from their friend's Christmas tree farm. It's been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. Rain or shine we'd be up there the first week of December doing this.
    via u/webpaige
  • 04
    I never particularly enjoyed the tradition personally. It's usually freezing cold, wet, and this particular Xmas tree farm is kind of boring (imo) because it's so remote and they don't offer any amenities like some of the other tree farms in the area do. For example, think fire pits, activities for small children, hot cocoa, wreath making, etc. It's just very bare bones. My parents like it cuz it's their friend's place and we've gone every year and they don't like change.
    via u/webpaige
  • 05
    Since marrying my husband 8 years ago I've gone along with this tradition even though my husband and I both dislike it, and we find it to be a thing that my dad guilts us into going along with. My younger siblings (none of them have kids) also kind of guilt trip me by saying things like “none of us like it but we just do it for dad, why are you being an a_h_le.”
    via u/webpaige
  • 06
    This year my husband is really asking me to put my foot down and break away from this tradition so that we can start our own tradition for our daughter. Something that we actually look forward to and that is more kid friendly. There are some lovely tree farms in our area (Northern California) that are very kid friendly that we'd like to check out. I offered to my parents "hey how about we try this other tree farm cuz it has stuff for kids and fire pits and stuff, and I think that could be a fun
    via u/webpaige
  • 07
    My dad is sending texts like “come on this is a tradition I cherish and it's only an hour of your time, what's the big deal?" My sisters are sending texts like “if you want to try the other farm then just do both, what's your problem, just do it for dad.” The thing is though - it's not an hour of my time. It's 45 mins from our house to the farm, 45 mins back, a couple hours at the farm, and it's an experience my husband and I never particularly enjoy for a variety of reasons. We'd really like to
    via u/webpaige
  • 08
    My parents have always been loving parents who mean well so | have no real complaints about how they raised me, which is part of why this makes it so hard for me to say no to them. AITA for declining to continue this family of origin xmas tradition with my parents now that I'm having children of my own? My family says I am. What do you all think?
    via u/webpaige
  • 09
    ms_sinn • 9h ago Part ipant [1] NTA... especially being 6 months pregnant. Seems like a trek. And then when you have a kid what will you want to do? That said? What are the other family traditions? Is this the only one that's important or are there other ones coming up for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?
    via u/ms_sinn
  • 10
    Why do I ask? I hated traveling with my kids on 12/24 and 12/25... so if I could give up actual Christmas Day drama by having a family day earlier to get a tree? Good trade off. My kids wanted to stay home on Christmas Day and open gifts and play with gifts - cool whoever wants to join us- but traveling with kids that day was not fun for any of us. So think about this day, other days, both families. What do you want to do and how do you include your families as appropriate. Go from there
    via u/ms_sinn
  • 11
    webpaige OP This is great advice to think about this for the future! I agree that hauling a baby or a kid around on Christmas Day would not be fun for us or them.
    via u/webpaige
  • 12
    Notong 19651a Why not OP let this be a win-win? They stick to their tradition, and start her own. She's not an AH for prioritizing her family's needs. NTA.
    via u/Notong19651a
  • 13
    sysikki Piggybacking here to say that if there are no amenities and you're 6 months pregnant you can say that's a no go in itself.
    via u/sysikki
  • 14
    kredtheredhead I would maybe stick to you and your hubby's traditional Christmas this year, but speak to both families and let them know next year will be different after the baby is born and that you and hubs want to start your own traditions with baby? I think if you back out now, it might cause drama you don't need. But definitely speak to both of your families after the holidays and TELL them what you and your husband want for the holidays going forward.
    via u/kredtheredhead
  • 15
    RickRussellTX • 8h ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] Top 5% Commenter NTA. OP. Slow down. Stop all this. You and your husband are your own family. If you'd prefer to do something different, don't negotiate, don't argue, don't justify, don't defend yourself, don't explain. "Hubs and I have decided to do something different this year. Have fun and send me the photos."
    via u/RickRussellTX
  • 16
    By focusing on nitpicky details like amenities, distance, etc. you're basically saying, "here are my reasons, now start arguing with me and tell why my reasons Stop doing that. It's exhausting. You don't need to justify yourself. "Not this year, but thank you for asking" is all you need to say.
    via u/RickRussellTX
  • 17
    webpaige OP LOVE this! Thank you!
    via u/webpaige
  • 18
    Firefly_browncoat •8h ago • Edited 8h ago • YTA. I think you're being disingenuous framing this as wanting to start your own traditions when there's nothing stopping you from doing both. You just think it's boring and you don't feel like doing it anymore which is understandable. But sometimes the Reddit advice tends to be black and white (Don't do anything you don't feel like doing, ever, not even for someone you love.) Real life
    via u/Firefly_browncoat
  • 19
    is more complicated and nuanced than that. And while it's true that it's within your rights to say no, ask yourself if skipping this tradition and not spending just a few hours with your family is worth making your dad sad over something that clearly means so much to him. As someone who's lost a parent, one day you might look back on this and wish you chose differently.
    via u/Firefly_browncoat
  • 20
    DelLardo I can't believe it took this long to find a YTA response (which you are). As you're about to find out your Dad has spent 33 years doing things for his children that were boring, not what he wanted to do and not where he wanted to be. He's asking for one thing around Christmas that is important to him, why doesn't matter, it makes him happy.
    via u/DelLardo
  • 21
    You could choose not to do this thing for him and maybe it would be justified but as nothing in your post indicated that he was or is a bad parent then it would make YTA.
    via u/DelLardo
  • 22
    webpaige OP This is the first YTA answer I've seen that isn't disrespectful, r de, or making value judgments on my character. Thank you!! I appreciate the points you made! I also feel frustrated that I suggested a tweak to the old tradition (trying a new place that's more fun and has fires to keep us warm) and was shot down immediately. The inflexibility is hard for me to understand when the outcome is the same (family time + obtaining a tree).
    via u/webpaige
  • 23
    iolaus 79 But you are trying to replace their tradition with your one, at least in their eyes You see it as tweaking (and I'll be honest I agree with you) - you see that the tradition is 'getting a tree and spending time together 'your dad sees the tradition as 'going to this place, kids squabble in the back seat and we support our friends'
    via u/iolaus79
  • 24
    HighLadyOfTheMeta I agree with the take above this one. Especially since it sounds like a tradition you've openly talked down on in the past. This is clearly incredibly important to someone you love. While technically you are not obligated to go along I think it's antisocial (in the general sense) to act like people shouldn't fake it every once in a while.
    via u/HighLadyOfTheMeta
  • 25
    Also, I'm kinda bothered by the suggestion that it should be a simple choice for your dad to not patronize his friend's business. Idk where you are from but I know that betrayal could make a grown man cry around where I'm from. Maybe not that extreme lol but still I'm confused why that aspect of it is brushed off so quickly.
    via u/HighLadyOfTheMeta
  • 26
    WhoFearsDeath Why are you trying to get adults to go to a location with kid friendly activities when the only kid will still be in your uterus? If you don't want to go, don't. Quit trying to center yourself in the tradition because "think of the kids" when she's not even here yet.
    via u/WhoFearsDeath
  • 27
    SideEyeFeminism It's a conditional NAH for me. Stop trying to change other people's traditions. Gracefully bow out and go somewhere else if you don't want to participate, that's your right. But having a kid doesn't give you the right to change the tradition for everyone else, especially when said kiddo hasn't even made her debut on the planet yet. It is entirely reasonable for everyone else to have a negative reaction to you trying to amend a family tradition to center yourself.
    via u/SideEyeFeminism
  • 28
    shoefarts666 This could be a good time for a white lie. 'I'm not doing any big trips. I'm pregnant.' NTA
    via u/shoefarts666
  • 29
    webpaige OP • 8h ago • Yeah I'll prob just resort to that this year and then next year I'll have the actual baby as an excuse.
    via u/webpaige
  • 30
    Wild Queen1987 Yes, YTA - you took the time to set up how much you don't like this family tradition, so it's not really just about being pregnant. Just have the guts to tell your family you don't want to go anymore.
    via u/Wild_Queen1987

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christmas family drama tradition christmas tree siblings reddit story traditions christmas trees dad family pregnant sibling reddit thread Reddit parents
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