Aunt and uncle insist on getting custody of their 8-year-old niece for Thanksgiving and Christmas despite not contacting her for the entire year since her father's passing: 'They said I was keeping her away from them'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 28, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Holidays are often the only times of the year when people see their extended family. If you're hanging out with your aunts and cousins every weekend, that's great, but I think I speak for many of us when I say that seeing extended family merely once or twice a year is okay with me. Sometimes, you want to see them even less than that, and I'm here to tell you that is okay. Nobody should be forced to see anyone they really don't want to hang out with, no matter what time of year it is. When you're a kid, you're often stuck with whatever family members your family wants to see in November and December. 

The little girl in this story is lucky she has a mom to protect her from her nefarious aunt and uncle. After calling her mom a gold-digger for saying her daughter is next of kin to her late ex-husband, this man and woman decided they should spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with their niece without her mom and older brother. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10434722048
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not allowing my Late Ex husband's siblings to pick up our daughter for Thanksgiving and Christmas?
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 03
    AITA for not allowing my ex in laws to come for Christmas? In Jan 2024 my Ex husband the Father of my daughter (8) and step dad to my oldest (15) passed away unexpectedly. Our divorce was not amicable but we had gotten to a place where we were able to peacefully co-parent and he even spent Thanksgiving and Christmas Day 2023 with the kids and I at my house. After his passing his Brother (42) well call him James and sister well call her Lotti (53) treated me badly calling me a gold digger and gre
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 04
    receive some of his shirts and a few items of memorabilia but most of his stuff, furniture, cowboy hat & boots, jerseys, and Car were taken by his sister and brother. At the memorial service they insisted that my son his step son be left out of the eulogy completely because he was his legal child. This crushed my son. He was truly heartbroken, my ex and him had a rocky relationship and were working to repair it before his passing. Fast forward to now, neither Lotti nor James has text/called or a
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 05
    They have on occasions where we have been at the same event not even made an effort to come and say hi. Then I got a phone call from them last week asking if they could pick her up on Thursday for Thanksgiving since it would have been their brothers year for the holiday. And that they would like to do the same for Christmas. I said absolutely not they could not just pick her up, that we already had plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They said I was being an ah le and that I was
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 06
    keeping her away from them. When I offered to meet them at a local restaurant for a meal the weekend after Thanksgiving and Christmas to celebrate with them they said they were owed time just for them and her. I told them that they were not entitled to anything and if they couldn't accept what I was willing to do to accommodate them they they were out of luck. So Am I the A**Hole?
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 07
    hess80 • 2d ago • FROM THE IN-LAWS' PERSPECTIVE: We lost our brother and want to maintain a connection with his daughter. These would have been his holidays with her if he was alive. We're grieving and want to keep family traditions. The restaurant suggestion feels impersonal compared to intimate family time we used to have. Our niece is our last connection to our brother, and it feels like we're losing that too.
    via u/hess80
  • 08
    FROM THE OP'S PERSPECTIVE: Absolutely NTA (Not The A**hole). Here's why: They showed their true colors immediately after your ex's death by: Taking most of his belongings from his daughter Excluding your son from the eulogy Calling you a gold digger Not maintaining any relationship with their niece all year Making no effort at shared events to even say hello
    via u/hess80
  • 09
    Then they suddenly want holiday custody as if they have parental rights. Red flags: No prior contact or interest in her wellbeing Demanding private time without your presence Rejecting reasonable compromise of restaurant meetings Claiming they're "owed" time Trying to guilt you about access
    via u/hess80
  • 10
    Safety and Legal Considerations: You're the only legal parent now No established relationship with the child this past year No legal rights to unsupervised time Child's emotional wellbeing must come first Their hostile behavior makes unsupervised visits unwise
    via u/hess80
  • 11
    Your restaurant offer was more than generous given all their past behavior. They don't get to ignore their niece I year then demand holiday custody. Your priority is protecting your daughter's emotional wellbeing, not accommodating adults who've shown hostility toward her family.
    via u/hess80
  • 12
    Document all interactions in case they try to pursue legal action for grandparent/family rights. While sad they've lost connection to their brother's child, it's due to their own actions, not yours.
    via u/hess80
  • 13
    Historical-You-3372 This. This concerns me so much. I would dig HARD into why they want unsupervised access to an 8 year old girl, and I would dig VERY hard, and I would refuse even if I found the reasons benign.
    via u/Historical-You-3372
  • 14
    Excellent_Squirrel86 Perhaps somebody found a will, an insurance policy, a 401K and cannot get it without some cooperation from your daughter.
    via u/Excellent_Squirrel86
  • 15
    whybother_incertname Personally, i would sue them for theif. They took everything that legally belonged to their niece. She had every legal right to keep whatever she wanted then offer her aunt & uncle to choose from the remainder if they wanted. They were greedy harpies who barely left their niece anything & treated their nephew like trash. NTA OP. Meeting at a neutral place is very fair
    via u/whybother_incertname
  • 16
    BasisPsychological NTA! They are not owed any time with her, nor are you obligated to continue with any parenting/custody plan or agreements. They have no current legal rights. You're beyond gracious (and, a much better person than me) by even offering the weekend meal. How does your daughter feel about them?
    via u/BasisPsychological
  • 17
    Medium_Finding_2462 OP She doesn't want to see them. Prior to her dad's passing she hadn't seen them in a year.
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 18
    MelG146 Given that they haven't had any meaningful contact with her in a year, no NTA. But maybe prepare yourself for a battle over visitation rights.
    via u/MelG146
  • 19
    Moemoe5 They couldn't even win visitation rights. She has never lived with either of them and neither have ever had regular contact with her.
    via u/Moemoe5
  • 20
    cassowary32 NTA. The audacity of some people! Guess what, there is no longer a custody schedule, so the holiday schedule doesn't hold either! That's wild that they'd think that after the way they treated your family that you'd give them unsupervised access to your daughter. Is your daughter at least receiving his social security death benefits? Did your ex have life insurance?
    via u/cassowary32
  • 21
    Medium_Finding_2462 OP She is receiving them yes, they are used for her expenses as well as put into a high yield savings for her when she turns 18. His Life insurance and 401K are both being held in an IRA for her when she turns 18.
    via u/Medium_Finding_2462
  • 22
    d1scworld You need to go to the probate court. If he did without a will, most likely EVERYTHING should have gone to your daughter. In my state the order of beneficiaries goes offspring, parents, then siblings. It stops at the first tier in which there is at least one beneficiary. ΝΤΑ
    via u/d1scworld

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christmas family drama kids thanksgiving niece reddit story parenting aunt dad uncle family reddit thread Reddit mom holidays parents custody
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