22-year-old brother complains that 7-year-old sister is closer to their teenage cousin than him, dad reprimands him for not bonding with her: 'I snapped and told him these were the consequences of his actions'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 7, 2024 6:00 PM EST

No matter what the reason for it, building a new family after losing an old one can be a difficult task—especially when there are kids involved. While a parent may realize the necessity to move on, for them it can understandably be a larger adjustment. It's easy for this to affect family relationships, and for there to be some very obvious consequences. 

This is something that one dad found himself having to deal with in the dynamic between his adult son and young daughter, who are half-siblings. His son wanted nothing to do with his sister when she was born as he was still upset about his dad remarrying after his mom's passing, but this came back to bite him when their cousin took on a big brother role instead. He became increasingly unhappy that his sister seemed to prefer him, but his dad did not have much sympathy for his issue.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10437771008
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my son that the fact that his sister was happier to see her cousin was his fault?
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 03
    Background: I (42M) have a son "Jack" (22M) and a daughter "Cassie" (7F) from two different marriages. I had Jack with my first wife "Penelope" who passed away when Jack was 9. This hit both of us hard. I thought Penelope and I were going to be together forever. It took me a long time to be ready to date again, which I started doing when Jack was 14. He wasn't happy about it.
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 04
    I met my first girlfriend, my current wife, "Sara" through work. We dated for a few months before birth control failed and Sara became pregnant. Because of that, our relationship progressed very fast. She moved in with Jack and I by the time she was four months pregnant.
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 05
    Jack was understandably very upset, but bother Sara and I wanted our child to grow up in a two parent household. Unfortunately, due to lack of space, we also had to move out of the apartment I shared with my late wife. Jack was put in therapy to help him adjust. However, Jack and I did luck out a bit with Sara. Sara made it a point to have prominent memorabilia of Penelope because of her awful step- mother all but erased Sara's mother.
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 06
    After Cassie (my daughter) was born, Jack wanted nothing to do with her, which was understandable, but upsetting. However, Cassie's maternal cousin "Will" (18M) adored her from day one, and happily stepped into that brother role. Frequent hangouts, played with her dolls, etc. He even has a matching (i think) hello-kitty necklace with her, and uses it as his good luck charm for his sport.
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 07
    This was the first year both Jack and Will left for college. Jack messed around during highschool and had crappy grades and no scholarships. While I would be able to pay, I refused to pay 50k/year+ for him to screw around. So, he went to community college for two years and this year transferred to a good school. Will was an A student as well as an excellent athlete, and got an almost full ride to a far away school. Thankfully, both boys were able to come home for Thanksgiving. Jack came home fir
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 08
    My sister-in-law posted the video of them reuniting on Facebook, and Jack saw the video and was very upset at the difference in Cassie's "welcome home" enthusiasm. After listening to this for the fifth time, I snapped at him and told him these were the consequences of his actions, i.e. doing nothing to make a bond with his sister for the past seven years. He got ped and stormed off to his room. Since then my former in-laws have been ringing my phone off the hook yelling at me and demanding I rep
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 09
    empreur You're correct about why Cassie prefers Will, but YTA for how you are communicating with your son Jack. He's your kid too, and it doesn't sound like you treat him very well. The way you frame the scenario sure makes it seem that you don't hold your own son in very high esteem. You are very quick to list all of Will's great characteristics, and really critical of your son's perceived shortcomings.
    via empreur
  • 10
    Latter-Attorney68 OP I framed my opinion of my son wrong. Jack is a great kid. He had a few issues, which I blame firstly myself and then his mother's passing for, but he is great. He is very smart, he just lost his way in highschool for a bit and his grades suffered. I only mentioned Will's "great" characteristics as it was relevant to him going away for school in my opinion. I have my issues with that boy but I cannot deny how much he cares for Cassie.
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 11
    astronautmyproblem If that's how you represent it when you write out the story, it's likely that that's how you've represented yourself to your son. If your son lost his way in high school, it's your job to pull him back. You honestly put him in an incredibly inconsiderate and situation by getting another woman pregnant within months of meeting her and then suddenly moving in with her. It's great she wasn't an evil step mother but it doesn't fix the situation.
    via astronautmyproblem
  • 12
    What did you ever do to support Jack? Did you get him therapy? Did you discuss how he was feeling? Did you do anything to intentionally foster a relationship between him and your daughter? When he was messing up in school, how did you try to help? Simply deciding not to pay for his college at the end of it all is an extra kick in the teeth. It really seems like he needed you to step up and be the parent, and you didn't, and now you're blaming him for it— he who was a child at the time. It's incr
    via astronautmyproblem
  • 13
    Latter-Attorney68 OP Jack was in therapy. I tried to get Jack to participate in simple things like holding Cassie but she was a colic baby and Jack hates loud noises. Jack spent most of his time out with his friends in highschool and didn't spend time studying. Sara and I tried to help him in subjects we were good at, and I even set him up with professional tutoring. He spent time with people who regarded school at stupid and pointless, mostly because those people had trust funds waiting for the
    via Latter-Attorney68
  • 14
    Available_Medicine79 You sound like you would rather have Will for a son. You talk about Jack like he's a disappointment to you and talk up Will. Maybe your son picks up on that.
    via Available_Medicine79
  • 15
    AdMore707 Yeah, I get that. It probably feels like Jack's always being compared to Will, which can't feel good for him.
    via AdMore707
  • 16
    safbutcho Well, it's too bad you snapped instead of had an adult conversation with him. Asked him some leading questions to get there on his own. You know that phrase "perception is reality"? Poor kid, I bet he has a very different version of events these last 8 years. And then...you snapped at him. But I don't have enough info to make a judgment. Good luck.
    via safbutcho
  • 17
    MikeDropist Like all of us, your son is not too old for teachable moments. This was definitely one of them. Before Jack even said anything the first time, you should have taken him aside and, as gently as you could, pointed to her (no doubt adorable) response to seeing her cousin. You could have then pointed out that love is a plant that needs nurturing and not something that a person is entitled to because they share DNA. After that, if you think he understood, you could point out to him that s
    via MikeDropist
  • 18
    Ok_Might_6409 ESH All I know is that you don't give a sh about your son and it's all about Will. Do better as a father.
    via Ok_Might_6409
  • 19
    Latter-Attorney68 OP "It's all about Will"? Jack is the only reason I kept going after my first wife passed. I would stay up until 1 am finishing paperwork so I could spend Jack's waking hours with him. I sat at the dinner table helping him with homework from kindergarden to his second year at community college.
    via Latter-Attorney68
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    Cheezburger Image 10437797888
    via bookishmama_76
  • 21
    You could have gently pointed out the markers of the relationship w/Will without snapping at Jack. Was Jack in the wrong? Yeah. He didn't take the chance to build a relationship with Cassie so he doesn't get to be angry at the relationship Will built with Cassie. And your former in laws have no right to demand that you reprimand Cassie.
    via bookishmama_76
  • 22
    Living_Bot_Person YTA for making me read that love letter to Will. Just adopt him since you are clearly more into having him as a kid than your own son. In a matter of months, it went from just you and Jack to suddenly moving away, having a new mom, and a little sister on the way. But kudos to you, you threw him in therapy. You did the bare minimum of having someone else deal with your child's feelings of his life being flipped completely inside out. It's such a WONDER that his grades weren't am
    via Living_Bot_Person
  • 23
    kataklysmyk First of all, do not reprimand your daughter for not making a glittery sign for Jack. Forcing her to be friendlier with someone who didn't want to be forced to be friendly with her makes absolutely no sense, unless the "misery loves company" philosophy is a family motto. Jack, at 22, complaining that he is second best to an 18 year old who nurtured the sibling he didn't want is a problem. Yelling at Jack for whining, although understandable, is also a problem. Jack whining to his mot
    via kataklysmyk
  • 24
    Those in-laws making the demand that they did is also a problem. (Do they also resent your daughter?) ESH, except Will and your daughter. The rest of you need family therapy.
    via kataklysmyk
  • 25
    No_Middle_3193 ESH except Cassie. You sound like you don't like your son very much. Yes he should have done more to facilitate a relationship with his sister but did you encourage it at all? Where was he when Will was visiting and did anyone encourage him to join Will and Cassie? Is it possible your son felt frozen out?
    via No_Middle_3193
  • 26
    AnonAnontheAnony YTA - You may have had some points, but you could have handled that alot better. Snapping at him is not the right way and only shows your own attitude with the situation. Cassie's a child, and the in-laws are being obtuse, but you did nothing to actually improve the situation either by snapping.
    via AnonAnontheAnony
  • 27
    Ok-Relationship-7821 I just can't get over the fact that your ex in laws wants a 7 year old CHILD to be reprimanded and apologize to a 22 year old MAN because she wasn't as excited to see him as she was someone else.
    via Ok-Relationship-7821
  • 28
    newgelos NTA. I honestly don't get all the ah comments. You snapped at him and, granted, that wasn't the best way to go about it. But he made a choice not to have a close relationship with with his step sister, and now he's upset she has a closer relationship with someone else? Delusional.
    via newgelos
  • 29
    MaximuslsKing YTA. Because it's not Jack's fault it's YOUR fault. You literally thrust a second family on him with no ease, no time, nothing. And then you're surprised he pulled away. You could have worked to foster a relationship with Sara and Jack before moving her in, before getting married, before moving. If you put in effort early on he could have adapted and grown but you literally painted this kid into a corner and went down this path and you're just blaming him. In fact your little "well
    via MaximusIsKing

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