Brother unilaterally declares he's hosting Christmas lunch after agreeing with his sibling to meet in the middle, forcing them to drive 6 hours for the holiday meal, they refuse: ‘He didn't want to deal with traffic'

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 8, 2024 2:00 PM EST

How far would you drive for a meal? The holidays come and go every year and leave us asking ourselves the same question each time. 

Obviously, holiday meals with our families are a little different than picking up a prize-winning barbecue pork sandwich out in the country (and depending on what kind of family you have, you might be more willing to bend over backward for the latter). But everyone's experienced their fair share of family guilt trips during the holiday season. Maybe you didn't visit Meemaw enough over the course of the year or your out-of-town sibling has a new kid that you haven't met yet, but the message remains the same: Nobody is willing to compromise their own comforts for the holiday season but insists on preaching 'Family first' to everyone else. 

Read on for the details of this holiday planning debacle that plays out a little too close to home–or in the case of u/happy_angry-octopus, too FAR from home.

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    via lechatnoir

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to drive 3 hours to Christmas lunch? A week ago, I suggested to my brother that I host Christmas lunch at my place and have him and his wife over. He liked the
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 03
    idea of spending Christmas together, but said he didn't want to deal with the Christmas traffic to get to my side of the city. Instead, he proposed that we celebrate on another day.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 04
    I was fine with that and suggested we pick a location halfway between us if we weren't going to meet on Christmas Day itself. Fast forward to today, he called
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 05
    me after discussing it with his wife and offered to host at their place instead. My first reaction was to ask if this didn't just reintroduce the issue of having to deal with Christmas traffic-the very reason he didn't want to come to my place.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 06
    He immediately got defensive and suggested we just do our own thing for the holidays. For context, my brother often drives long distances, while I
    via happy_angry_octopus
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    rarely do. Additionally, I have health issues that make long trips harder for me to manage. So, AITA for not wanting to drive 3 hours each way for Christmas lunch—especially when he was the one who didn't want to deal with traffic in the first place?
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 08
    EDIT: I should add that last year he suggested that I host at my place. I'd only just moved in, so it didn't happen. Since I'm more settled, I thought I'd offer for this year. He also makes similar length trips, every couple of weeks.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 09
    National Pension_110 NTA. Relationships are about compromise. Are there any other extenuating circumstances? Like are they caretakers for small children, elderly or pets that can't be left alone for a half day? Is there any mass transit available to help? You make it sound like you live on opposite sides of a city-that must be a big metro
    via National_Pension_110
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    area, so wondering if there are any trains, etc, that can make commuting easier? Good luck. If not, just meet over FaceTime or zoom, I guess.
    via National_Pension_110
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    happy_angry_octopus OP No kids, but we both have pets. All would be fine for the time either of would be gone. I live on the outskirts of the city and he lives in a country town, the other side of the city. Thank you, that's true, could certainly do FaceTime, if it comes to it.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 12
    TepHoBubba What's bad for the goose, is bad for the gander too...He doesn't want to drive for three hours, but expects you to?
    via TepHoBubba
  • 13
    Victor-Grimm Your initial response was valid and he probably got mad because when he asked his wife, she asked why they couldn't come here instead? His brain probably shut off and didn't compute the explanation he gave
    via Victor-Grimm
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    would be responded back to him. He is mad because he realized at that moment him asking that of you was stupid and should have never been asked. Basically, the light bulb came on and he realized he is an idiot.
    via Victor-Grimm
  • 15
    Foustion1a I totally agree with you! It's likely that he didn't expect his own reasoning to be used against him, and that moment probably made him feel embarrassed or defensive. It's a classic case of someone not thinking things
    via Foustion1a
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    through before making a request, and when the tables were turned, he realized how unreasonable it was. That's why he got angry not because of the response itself, but because he caught himself in a contradiction and didn't know how to handle it.
    via Foustion1a
  • 17
    AnonAnontheAnony It's not completely reasonable to drive 3 hours, just for lunch. I could see a few reasons why you may want to, or it would be worth the drive, but you would not be the a hole for politely declining even in the absence of those reasons. Invitations are not obligatory.
    via AnonAnontheAnony
  • 18
    Marmuccuself621a I completely agree! Driving 3 hours just for lunch sounds like a huge commitment, and it's not unreasonable to politely decline. It's important to set boundaries and prioritize what's comfortable for you. If the invitation doesn't
    via Marmuccuself621a
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    align with your schedule or feels too much of a stretch, it's totally okay to say no without guilt. Respecting your own time and energy is key, and no one should expect you to go out of your way if it's not something you're up for.
    via Marmuccuself621a
  • 20
    Sea Firefighter 4598 NAH neither one of you really wants to make the three hour effort. That's okay too.
    via Sea_Firefighter_4598
  • 21
    White KnightPrimal OP suggested meeting in the middle. That was literally the plan they suggested after brother said no to the 3 hour drive. OPs response was because brother was unwilling to make that drive but expected OP to be okay with it. But OPs actual plan was to choose a place somewhere in the middle for them to meet, not for either of them to make the full drive.
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 22
    bubblybabeee NTA. It's reasonable to expect some compromise, especially since your brother initially objected to the same issue-three hours each way is a lot to ask without considering your health or offering alternatives.
    via bubblybabeee

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christmas time christmas family drama dads famiies drama kids brother siblings moms holiday parenting dad story family sibling sister stories parent mom cousins holidays parents
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