Woman's Future Father-In-Law Steals Money From Her Bank Account, She Contemplates Breaking Off Engagement When Brother-In-Law Badmouths Her to Coworkers Solidifying Reasons to Seek Ultimatum

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Shelly Pearl
Dec 8, 2024 9:00 PM EST

Finding love is often a lot of trial and error, but eventually, you find your person, you just need to believe. However, as my mom likes to say, when you get married, you're marrying the whole family to some extent, so choose wisely. That can also be a hit or a miss. And if it ends up being a miss, what do you do? Do you give up on your love, or do you power through? They say you don't choose your family, you're born into one, but when you build your own, to what extent can you choose, and where do you draw the line? For this couple, things may be messier than usual.

When your family is too involved in all the wrong ways, it can leave your partner feeling alone, helpless and isolated. This woman was devastated to discover that her future father-in-law was constantly stealing from her future husband's bank account. But I know know what's worse, since after helping her future brother-in-law land a job at her company, he went around saying she wasn't good enough for their family. Talk about shocking. What's a girl to do now? Things may be unraveling, but not if she can help it. I hope she fights for this love until the end. Although if marriage is this complicated right off the bat, that's not a good sign. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH Affectionate_Button7 AITA if I Give My Partner This Ultimatum?
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  • 02
    To start, my fiancé (20) and I (20) have been together for four years. We both come from military families, and he recently left for basic training a little over
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  • 03
    a month ago. This experience, among other reasons, has led us to decide to get married sooner rather than later. Despite some differences, we've always managed
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    to work through them maturely. He will be home for Christmas, and we're considering tying the knot during that break, allowing me to move with him when he starts AIT, as his MOS permits.
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  • 05
    We've had many discussions about important topics such as finances, goals, religion, expectations, and political views, and I appreciate his hardworking,
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  • 06
    respectful, and positive nature. However, there's one significant issue that I'm struggling to come to terms with-his family.
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    To provide some background, I come from a small family and have learned that those who mistreat you often continue to do so. This belief contributes to my
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    feelings that he should distance himself from his family. My own experiences have shown me how problematic family dynamics can hinder the establishment of
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    a healthy relationship. I don't want to find myself in a situation where my partner fails to stand up for us, as I have witnessed in my own family.
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    The most pressing concern is that his father has been withdrawing money from my fiancé's bank account-over $500 since he left for basic training, including a
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    recent $100 withdrawal just yesterday. His father has no permission to access this money, which is possible because he is a joint account holder from when my fiancé
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    was a minor. While I have access to help pay off my fiancé's loans, he is understandably upset about the unauthorized withdrawals. He has yet to
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    inform his father about his plans to come home for Christmas, and I'm uncertain about how this visit will unfold.
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  • 14
    Throughout his teenage years, my fiancé was expected to prioritize his family's needs over his own, often being criticized for not meeting their demands. Despite
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    this, his family has never provided him any financial support. They have made him feel worthless and have even kicked
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    him out multiple times, leaving him reliant on friends and I for support.
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    Compounding the issue, I recently learned that my fiancé's younger brother, whom I helped get a job at my workplace,
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    has been spreading gossip about me— suggesting that I'm not good enough for my fiancé and questioning my loyalty. It's
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    frustrating to see how their negativity impacts my personal and professional life, especially when I don't engage with them.
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  • 20
    I understand that my fiancé's family represents a part of his life, particularly since he lost his mother at a young age.
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    However, I struggle with the idea of staying in a relationship where he maintains ties with people who disrespect him and, by extension, disrespect me.
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  • 22
    Am I wrong to want him to evaluate his choices regarding his family? Is it unreasonable for me to ask him to prioritize our relationship over unhealthy
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    family dynamics? Friends and family who know a bit about the situation understand my concerns, but they also believe he needs to make this decision
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    independently. My mother, who understands these struggles, fully supports my viewpoint.
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  • 25
    I'm hoping to find some advice on how to communicate my feelings to my fiancé effectively and navigate this.
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  • 26
    NikkiLoveeee NTA, ngl, this is tough. you should talk to him about how you feel, but avoid giving ultimatums, let him make the call on his family. it's messed up what they're doing, but he needs to decide how to handle it
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  • 27
    xladymeow NTA. His family's toxic behavior isn't just affecting him—it's dragging you down too. It's not unreasonable to ask for boundaries when they're stealing from him and disrespecting you.
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  • 28
    VelvetWispt Ultimatums can backfire. Encourage him to set boundaries with his family instead. Communication is key.
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  • 29
    SakuraCharmm You have a right to protect your relationship. It's okay to be concerned about his family's negative influence. Approach the conversation with empathy, express your concerns, and suggest a plan to limit contact. Ultimately, he decides how to handle his family.
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