Man receives $50,000 work bonus, fiancée demands that he give half of it to her parents to pay off their mortgage: 'Now I’m getting guilt tripped'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2024 6:00 PM EST

Few things are capable of souring family relations like money, and that only becomes twice of a problem when you have your partner's family to take into account as well. A badly-timed inheritance or going around asking for handouts once too often is a recipe for discord and arguments, but it doesn't stop people from being outrageous where finances are involved. 

One man found this out the hard way when he received a five-figure bonus at work. He was hoping to put the money into a fund to buy his first house, but his fiancée was insistent that he should give half of the money to her parents to pay off their mortgage as they were struggling financially. He refused and got the cold shoulder from his bride-to-be and her family. However, it is fair to say that outsiders didn't feel like he had done anything wrong in this situation.

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    20 SOUTH AFRI
    via Sincerely Media (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to share my bonus with my fiancée's family?
    via Beastie420
  • 03
    I (30M) work in tech and had a fantastic year at my job. I recently received a significant year-end bonus - $50,000 — and I was thrilled. I've been saving for years to buy a house, and this bonus is going directly into my house fund. My fiancée (28F) knows this and was initially very supportive.
    via Beastie420
  • 04
    Then she dropped a bomb on me. She asked if I could "spare" $25,000 of my bonus to help her parents pay off their mortgage. Apparently, her parents have been struggling financially, and she feels it's "only fair" since we're going to be married and they're going to be my family too.
    via Beastie420
  • 05
    I said no. I've worked extremely hard for this money, and while I feel for her parents, I don't think it's my responsibility to bail them out - especially when I've never even been asked directly by them. Her response? She called me selfish and accused me of "not caring about her family." She then brought up how her parents have "sacrificed so much" for her, and it's the least I could do.
    via Beastie420
  • 06
    She's been cold to me ever since. She's also told her parents about my bonus (without my permission), and now I'm getting guilt-tripped by them. They haven't outright asked for money, but they've made several comments about how "lucky" I am to have extra cash and how "some people don't get that kind of opportunity." When I mentioned that I plan to use the money to help secure our future with a house, my fiancée said, "What future? You're already showing you don't care about the people who matter
    via Beastie420
  • 07
    Far-Season-695 Pretty sure this is going to be the rest of your life. You being expected to pay for her and her family. If you want that go for it
    via Far-Season-695
  • 08
    zenFieryrooster 100 She's very generous with helping herself to OP's money. It's so manipulative to expect OP to be okay with this crazy request and then ice him out because he won't capitulate.
    via zenFieryrooster
  • 09
    Kajira4ever Half the PRE-TAX bonus is really way more than half. On the positive side he isn't married and doesn't have a kid with her. He needs to get out now
    via Kajira4ever
  • 10
    iijoanna This. What future, indeed. They're not suited for each other. She doesn't see the hard work that he put in for that kind of bonus. It's all about her and her family. Suddenly, he's supposed to give half of it away? Her parents are just as bad throwing out hints.
    via iijoanna
  • 11
    pbudpaonia Run!
    via pbudpaonia
  • 12
    Usual-Canary-7764 Do not look back. Man is trying to buy his house and she wants him to pay off her inheritance. What the h I did I just read?
    via Usual_Canary-7764
  • 13
    Glassgrl1021 If they "sacrificed so much for her" SHE should help them pay their mortgage. I would think long and hard about continuing with this one because this is going to be your life. She's happy volunteering your money and then she's childish when you tell her no. NTA
    via Glassgrl1021
  • 14
    z00k33per0304 I came here looking for this comment. She sounds like the what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine type. If she wants to bail her parents out then she can do so. I feel for the parents, it's rough out here but if situations were reversed I'm sure she wouldn't be so keen. It's also not like he's planning to go blow it at the casino or something he's putting it away for a house for them (which I would be seriously reconsidering if I were him now). At least this happened before th
    via z00k33per0304
  • 15
    melaine7776 This blows me away that she even asked and her parents are hunting. I would never consider even asking.. and sone friends are sticking their noses in it. Run young man quick. It's not going to stop there.
    via melaine7776
  • 16
    kweenbeatrice No, it's your money and it is not your responsibility to pay for their mortgage. If they can't pay their own mortgage maybe they should think about moving in a smaller house.
    via kweenbeatrice
  • 17
    ksarahsarah27 And if they only owe $25,000 on their mortgage, why don't they just refinance if they can't do the current payments? $25,000 in regards to a mortgage is nothing! You're literally on the homestretch. I think the whole thing is sus and I think they're just wanting that money because it was like he won the lottery. They figure he didn't have the money before, so he won't miss it anyway. It's bills they have the nerve to ask for half of it!
    via ksarahsarah27
  • 18
    Gretel NoHans I agree. Also, if she wants to help, she should get a second job. What I really don't like about this situation, is that it's not going to stop over the years. They're not going to magically change their entitlement, this is going to happen again and again. It's not you, who should be handling this situation, it's your fiancé. Since, she's a BIG part of the problem I would think long and hard. If she thinks her family is entitled to it, in the future she may just take the money. Th
    via GretelNoHans
  • 19
    WhyAmlStill Here86 NTA On the bright-side, you discovered her priorities before you did anything like adding her to a deed or marrying her. Find a new fiancé,
    via WhyAmIStillHere86
  • 20
    igraph Lemme just add this makes no sense lol Even if they needed mortgage help, why this large lump su Asking OP to help fill in a month or two, or maybe even a few hundred s month may be more reasonable. But a large lump sum of 25k? This seems like a scam lol
    via igraph
  • 21
    SweetBekki So her parents have done so much for HER and it's the least YOU could do?! Her and her ALONE is responsible for repaying her own parents back for making sacrifices for HER. Unless her parents have made the same sacrifices for you, you don't owe sh. Does she do the same thing for your them parents? Something tells me that once you're married she's gonna turn it into "my money is mine and your money is also mine" type of person. Please think long and hard about marrying her.
    via SweetBekki
  • 22
    Far-Artichoke5849 It's one thing to say their having a hard go, can you help with a mortgage payment, not can you finish paying off the mortgage
    via Far-Artichoke5849
  • 23
    Burby-Honey-4343 If you do this, you will be subsidizing her parents from now on. She was clearly looking for an ATM, not a partner. Please run
    via Burby-Honey-4343
  • 24
    Tea_Time9665 End it. Dont Get married. Break up. Kick her out. Move. Tell her to move back home get a job and help them pay off the mortgage. Bro u dodged a nuke with this one. Because after marriage she I could have half.
    via Tea_Time9665

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family money aita bonus house work relationships mortgage reddit thread Reddit fiancee parents
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