29-year-old woman refuses to sit next to 35-year-old brother on return flight from grandmother's funeral, sparking disagreement: '[Must a] family that travels together [...] sit together?'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 16, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Not wanting to sit next to your sibling on a flight because they're annoying is an experience that most of us have probably had at some point—and one you've definitely had if you're my sister. It's an almost universal experience for anyone who isn't an only child. Still, you most likely experienced it when you were still a kid or a teen, and your parents probably swiftly put an end to the bickering and told you to sit in your seat and be quiet. It's far less likely that you had to suffer through this as an adult, if you don't get along with your siblings at this stage, you probably won't ever be traveling with them anyway.

As kids, siblings either get along thick as thieves or can't stand the sight of each other. Sometimes, as we enter adulthood and settle into our ways, our relationships with them can change for the better. But some people only become more stubborn and selfish as they age, making them increasingly difficult to be around. Traveling with a sibling whom one finds difficult to be around is not made easier when you're traveling jointly to attend the death of a loved one. Air travel is stressful enough on its own, and with that added weight on your shoulders, it becomes a crushing burden.

When this woman was set to travel home for her grandmother's funeral, she was joined by her father and older brother. Her brother was excited about the three traveling together, but she seemed to dread it. After sitting together on the journey there, while returning home, she opted to sit by herself, away from her brother, despite his insistence.

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  • From her own account, it just seems like her brother was trying to get the three of them to share some quality time together, even giving up his own preferred seat choice to make it happen. And, normally, when traveling with family, you would sit together. All of this, combined with the pettiness of the perceived slights, makes one wonder whether the sister and poster of this thread isn't just being overly intolerant. But, some people take to traveling worse than others, and this wouldn't be the first time someone struggled to cope with something while traveling.

    See the story that sparked this online discussion below and decide for yourself what you think of this tricky situation.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10442608640
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA that I refused to sit next to my brother on a plane? I (29f) have 4 siblings all adults. My dad (63) and my oldest brother Cole (35m) live in Asia, while the rest of the family lives in Germany. My grandmother, who also lives in Germany recently passed away, so we all planned to go to the funeral immediately.
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 03
    I've never been super close to Cole, but recently we started hanging out more, which I enjoyed. While buying the airplane tickets, I made it clear I wanted to sit alone next to the window, my dad loves to sit in the aisle, and my brother Cole prefers a window seat. I haven't traveled with family since I was a teenager, and I like to travel (flights) alone. Cole however was furious. He saw it as a family trip
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  • 04
    and told me the family must sit together. I didn't mind spending some quality time together, however sitting in a limited space does not qualify as a quality time for me, especially a red-eye.
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  • 05
    Fast forward to the arrival at the check-in counter, I asked for a separate window seat. Cole interrupted and told the airport employee that we'd sit together and that he'd take the middle seat. I caved in. On the plane, I put the tip of my elbow on the armrest, and he moved my arm, chuckled, and said: "According to the flight etiquette, the middle seat gets both armrests, haha".
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  • 06
    Now he's NOT an etiquette guy. I felt slightly annoyed, but whatever. The flight itself wasn't bad, but my flying experience with strangers next to me so far was better.
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  • 07
    During our stay in Germany, we had a nice time together, had a beautiful funeral, and headed back home. This time I again told him that I'd like to sit alone. My dad didn't care about sitting together. Cole, again, pushed me to sit together. In front of the check-in counter, I stood my ground and asked for a separate seat. My brother and my dad were seated together and got middle and aisle seats. Before boarding, he called me a traitor multiple times, I didn't respond.
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 08
    I had a lovely trip back home, the middle seat wasn't occupied, so I was lucky. When we landed, we took a taxi home. I told Cole that I had a very nice flight. He responded that he had an awful flight because the guy who got the window seat was irritating, loud, and well, simply, big. He gave me a dirty look. I, again, said nothing and just wanted to let things go.
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  • 09
    Later in the evening, he texted me that I didn't appreciate his sacrifice to sit in the middle, and I value my comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people. Cole also texted that I rubbed in his face my nice experience while he had the worst flight of his life.
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 10
    Now, I am upset and frustrated because apparently, he blames me for this. We both want to repair our relationship. But his neediness to sit with me and putting blame on me is pushing me away. Does a family that travels together must sit together? Maybe I don't see something objectively in this situation. AITA for refusing to sit next to my brother on a plane?
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  • 11
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a_h_le: (1) I refused to sit next to my brother on a plane and sat separately. (2) It may make me an a h le, because he had a horrible flight experience because of it.
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  • 12
    nefarious_planet • 10h ago NTA, you're an adult and your brother doesn't get to pick your seat for you. But just as a PSA, the middle seat does get both the middle armrests. If both the window person and the aisle person choose to use both of "their" armrests, then they've removed all the armrests from the middle
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 13
    seat and now a middle seat S ks even more. The window seat gets one armrest and a window; the aisle seat gets one armrest and the ability to use the bathroom without asking others to move. The middle seat gets two armrests. That's how planes work.
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  • 14
    Waste_Worker6... 11h ago. NTA. He's baiting you. He didn't want to sit next to you to work on his relationship with you. He wanted to sit next to you to annoy you for the entire flight.
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  • 15
    Stone AgePrue • 10h ago I personally would never travel with family to and from the same destination and specifically ask to not be seated with them. Weird flex.
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  • 16
    NoRazzmatazz... . 11h ago NTA. Since Cole knew you were not sitting next to home on the way home it wasn't a "sacrifice" for him to take the middle seat. He could have done as you did and sat anywhere available
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  • 17
    m.. • • 11h ago Edited 10h ago . NTA, obviously you're not the AH for choosing your own seat. I'm guessing you wouldn't have an issue sitting next to him if he didn't bother you during the flight. But if your preference is strangers then he clearly wants to chat or play cribbage or something. You
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  • 18
    are allowed to want peace and quiet and not to interact with people--even when they are your family on a family trip. If sitting by strangers is the only way you can get quiet time to recharge, then it's Cole's fault that you are sitting away from the family.
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 19
    He's also a major AH for escalating a disagreement about something as silly as airplane seats to you "value [your] comfort over personal relationships and the needs of other people." calm down man. its an airplane ride, not a personal attack. jeez louise.
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  • 20
    Also, his "sacrifice" to sit in the middle is just dumb. He choose to sit in the middle, you didn't ask or want that. Why would you be expected. to appreciate his stupid choice? He can't be both the instigator and the martyr, that's not how it works.
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  • 21
    PS he is absolutely right about the middle seat getting both arm rests though. His other behavior is dumb, but he's de d on about the armrests and i will di on that hill.
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  • 22
    Helpful_Table_... 10h ago. Very soft ESH. People grieve differently. Cole may have wanted closeness and comfort of familiarity, while it seems you enjoy the comfort of solitude. He admitted he doesn't like the middle seat (who does?), so he was already sacrificing some of his comfort just to be physically close to people he knows.
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  • 23
    Travel s ks. Red eyes s k. You both missed an opportunity to support one another more fully.
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  • 24
    Automatic-Rec... • 10h ago Typically, when people travel together, they sit together. Brother's expectation of OP flying with him was not far off the typical norm. Especially if there were three seats to a row and there were three people in her party. OP had known brother also likes the window. She should have seen her sitting with him was so important to him as he was willing to give that up for her.
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  • 25
    They also lost a family member. If relationships are good within a family, it is kind to be there for each other. I do understand that people have their own way of grieving. But if OP was being forced to be in the same room (plane) as brother and prefers the company of strangers over her Brother's company, that
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 26
    is a little hurtful. It was also an added kick in the teeth that she did this last minute to where brother not only lost his sister's company but also lost his enjoyment of sitting by the window. If OP intended to fly alone, she should have bought her own ticket. YTAH
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  • 27
    Walktothebrook • 11h ago It's the 21st century. Pick your seating when you book. your ticket. NTA
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  • 28
    . Impossible-Mos... • 6h ago YTA and you're strange.
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  • 29
    wlfwrtr • 10h ago When you asked to sit alone he could have easily asked for a window seat too. He made the choice on where he sat.
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  • 30
    oliviamrow 10h ago • • NTA. His "sacrifice" was neither needed nor requested, so it wasn't a "sacrifice," it was something he chose to do. You might've been a bit TA if you proactively told Cole you had a very nice flight when you knew he hadn't vs if he or your dad asked how the flight was for you, I guess? Maybe?
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 31
    But wanting to sit alone by a window is a totally reasonable decision for an adult to make for themselves if one is available, and if your brother is so petty that he would hold that against you, well, that's his problem. There is no law that says family must sit together on a plane, if everyone's old enough to be capable of flying alone at all.
    via Ok_Door3579
  • 32
    My family tends to like aisles; we try to book aisles across/near each other but it doesn't always happen. It's a flight! And a red eye?! Come on. If your brother wants more shared bonding experiences, he can invite you on a hike or to an escape room or whatever suits your shared preferences. A plane can be but does not have to be one of those experiences.
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air travel family dynamics family drama brother sibling rivalry airport siblings Travel sister airplane Father
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