Mom forces 24-year-old daughter to choose between her and her BF on Christmas: 'I don't want to lose my boyfriend's respect'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 22, 2024 11:00 AM EST

It's the holiday season once again! Families around the world will gather together to celebrate. Maybe you look forward to these holiday parties yourself! Walking into a warm cozy home full of smiling faces, gifts for all, and plenty of delicious food is the start to a great holiday. 

However, once you start seriously dating someone, you realize that you'll have to choose where to spend the holidays. Everyone has a different approach to this: some continue to go to their respective parent's homes, while others split the time between both families. Others alternate years, spending one year at one partner's home, then the other at the other person's family house. It can take some time to work out the best choice, though. As much as you want to spend time together as a couple, it can be awkward to spend Christmas with a big family that you barely know. It makes you feel like you're missing out on your own family's special day. 

This woman, u/nenynexi, is going through that right now. She's trying to figure out how to spend the holidays with both her BF and her family, but her parents are flipping out over it. You can read her story, as well as the advice people gave to her, down below. 

After that, read about an "astounding IT meltdown" that occurred when one employee accidentally caused an avalanche of 600,000 emails. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10444786176
    via Jonathan Borba on Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for planning to split my time with two families this Christmas?
    via u/nenynexi
  • 03
    Hi Reddit, I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for almost a year, and we were both really excited to spend our first Christmas together (This is also my first serious relationship). However, things have become complicated.
    via u/nenynexi
  • 04
    My boyfriend has a blended family: his mom and stepdad, and his biological dad. I come from a blended family technically however I'm not in contact with my bio dad. This Christmas, my family and my boyfriend's biological dad both made plans for Christmas Day. To balance things, I thought it would be best to spend Christmas morning with my parents and then head over to my boyfriend's dad's for dinner. I believed this way, we could enjoy
    via u/nenynexi
  • 05
    the holiday with both families. However, when I shared this plan with my parents, they were extremely angry. They claimed that I was being ungrateful and acting like the rest of our family, who no longer celebrates with us due to my parents' constant conflicts. They said I was disappointing the family by not prioritizing our Christmas dinner, which they consider a big deal (they never claimed it was such a
    via u/nenynexi
  • 06
    big deal until I told them my Christmas plans). My mom even suggested that my boyfriend might think I don't value family if I went with him instead. Whenever I discuss plans they don't like (etc. They yelled at me for wanting to go to a concert, saying it's for loose women who don't want a real relationship) they always say that my boyfriend will see me differently and he'll dump me. I have actually had a conversation with
    via u/nenynexi
  • 07
    my boyfriend and he said that these assumptions are ridiculous and he loves and respects me regardless. The only thing he doesn't like is if I make a decision just to make my parents happy if it means disregarding my own happiness all the time. My parents have a history of guilt-tripping me, and this situation has made me feel really resentful about the pressure to choose them over my boyfriend.
    via u/nenynexi
  • 08
    My boyfriend thinks my plan is great and respects the idea of spending time with both families. I'm torn because I don't want to disappoint my parents, but I also don't want to lose my boyfriend's respect for constantly letting my parents dictate my choices. My parents have done a lot for me, my dad offered me a job in his company, he paid for my post secondary education and my parents like to spoil me and my
    via u/nenynexi
  • 09
    brother on Christmas. They offer emotional support sometimes too. The thing is, they have gotten in so many heated arguments not only with me but the rest of our extended family... so I can kinda understand why no one wants to come around for Christmas. Anyways I don't think my parents are bad people but they tend to say the most hurtful things when they don't get their way.
    via u/nenynexi
  • 10
    So, Im leaning towards my original plan of splitting my time between both families... even thought I know that my parents will be upset with my choice. Am I leaning toward the wrong decision? AITA for wanting to split Christmas between my family and my boyfriend's family, even if it's causing this commotion?
    via u/nenynexi
  • 11
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a h le: My family would perceive me as an a hole for not spending the whole Christmas Day with
    via u/nenynexi
  • 12
    them. I'm going to spend Christmas morning with them and spend the evening with my boyfriend and his family
    via u/nenynexi
  • 13

    Commenters assured this woman that she's not in the wrong

    RoyallyOakie NTA...Your plan is the same as countless other people in the same situation. Nothing wrong or even remotely strange about that. You're an adult and you're free to allocate your time as you wish. Don't give in to your mother's guilt, and she just might get over it.
    via u/RoyallyOakie
  • 14
    Humble_Guida... NTA. You need to cut the cord. You have a fair plan. Stick with it. Is it really a good idea to take a job at your Dad's company. There's an old saying, "Don't sh*t where you eat.
    via u/Humble_Guidance_6942
  • 15
    You already struggle with boundaries with your family. If they control your earnings ability, you will never be free of their control. You have a good and fair plan. Please stick to it. Practice saying no to your parents. Get a job independent of them.
    via u/Humble_Guidance_6942
  • 16
    Malibu_Cola NTA. Your parents probably split Christmas with each other's families when they were dating. Everyone splits Christmas if there's 2 families to factor in. Your parents just can't get over thay they have to share you.
    via u/Malibu_Cola
  • 17
    Miserable_Dent... This plan is pretty basic stuff. Most married people with families nearby do something similar. Your parents are tripping. NTA
    via u/Miserable_Dentist_70
  • 18
    Professional_N... NTA, I think its a thoughtful way to spend time with both sides of your family, they're just being petty about it.
    via u/Professional_Neck196
  • 19
    DinoSnuggler NTA. I didn't read past the part where your parents are mad because you'll be at their house Christmas morning and with your boyfriend for dinner. Your parents need to grow up. Go enjoy a lovely time with your boyfriend and his folks.
    via u/DinoSnuggler
  • 20
    Awkward Mom... NTA. You're a grown up in a grown up relationship. It's time for your parents to grow up too. How would it be fair to spend all of Christmas with your family and completely disregard your boyfriend's family Christmas? That makes no
    via u/Awkward_Mom0511
  • 21
    sense. Work it out with them, maybe celebrate on a different day if that works. Otherwise move on from their childishness. Also, the way Christmas has worked for my husband and I has been this: Every odd year we spend actual
    via u/Awkward_Mom0511
  • 22
    Christmas Eve and Christmas with my family and then pick a different day to celebrate with my whole family. On even years we do the opposite. All of my siblings and in-laws are on the same schedule so we all always get to celebrate with both sides of the family.
    via u/Awkward_Mom0511
  • 23
    javyn1 No, splitting the holiday is pretty normal.
    via u/javyn1
  • 24
    Expensive Visu... You should go with your family he should go with his.
    via u/Expensive_Visual_594

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boyfriend christmas family drama aita mother boyfriends merry christmas in laws family daughter Father
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