Entitled stepmom rages at 17-year-old stepdaughter after she excludes her from a spa day with her 2 grandmas and her mom: 'I told her she's not as important and has to accept that because she's not my second mom'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Dec 23, 2024 6:00 PM EST

I hate when people in their 40s drag teenagers into their adult problems. I know parents who complain about their spouse to their children and ask for advice on managing their marriage. It's totally age-inappropriate, and it puts the labor of fixing relationships on kids who aren't even in said relationships. 

Sometimes, adult problems involve kids. In the case of this story, the so-called problem is that a stepmother's stepkids don't like her as much as they like their mom. Any rational stepmother would know that they can't fully serve as a replacement for a present, alive, and involved parent. Arguably, they can't replace a mom fully who isn't present, involved, or alive. Unfortunately, that didn't stop the stepmom in this story from trying. Her stepdaughter planned a spa day with her mom, maternal grandmother, and paternal grandmother, and her stepmom was enraged that she wasn't included despite the poor treatment of her stepkids. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10445226496
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my stepmom she's not as important after refusing to recreate a girly family day with her?
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 03
    My parents are divorced and share custody of me (17f) and my three younger brothers (16, 14 and 13). My mom has a boyfriend she's been with forever and my dad remarried a year and a half after the divorce. My stepmom was always jealous of the fact we love our mom so much and me and my brothers didn't count her
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 04
    as our second mom or an equal parent to mom and dad. She's also jealous that we get along so well with our mom's boyfriend even though he only moved in with us a year ago, even though we knew him for 7 years and he was always such a cool guy.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 05
    My stepmom hates my mom so much for us loving mom that it makes us dislike our stepmom. We try to stay respectful for dad. But we have told him we have issues with her attitude and she got a little better after he talked to her. We can still see her anger and hatred for mom in how she looks at mom and how she reacts
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 06
    to mom being present. My stepmom came to every single school play and sports game or whatever we did and would always try to be the first to get to us. She'd try to stop us getting to mom first or she'd try to get seats closer to the front than mom.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 07
    One time she actually yelled at my youngest brother for running past her to go and see mom after his school play and mom told dad about it and dad told stepmom to never do it again. And she didn't but again it ped her off.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 08
    My paternal grandma doesn't like my stepmom because every year on Mother's Day since she and dad got married, she calls my grandma and about my mom to her and how Mother's Day should be about the two of them. Grandma told me about it
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 09
    last year when I pushed her for why she didn't like her. She told me she felt like my stepmom would have happily seen mom abandon us so she could pick up the pieces and play the hero mom who stepped up role.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 10
    In my eyes my stepmom has always been my dad's wife and not my third or equal parent and if my parents were gone I would rather live with my mom's boyfriend than her even though I lived with her and not with him. I
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 11
    told my grandma that and she wasn't surprised because mom's boyfriend was never intense about trying to bond with us. He took it easy and was just a cool guy.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 12
    My grandma gets along with mom stuff and she gets along with granny (maternal grandma) too. So when I won this spa thing for a Mother's Day competition, I asked if the three of them wanted to do something together and they said yes and then the three
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 13
    of them organized a whole day of it since it wasn't actual Mother's Day. It was great and they did similar stuff with each of my brother's on different days thinking it was a great idea. Then grandma joined us all for Mother's Day stuff on Mother's Day.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 14
    My stepmom found out about the girly day on Facebook a few weeks ago and she was upset she wasn't included. Apparently she bitched to grandma about it and blamed my mom. She then approached me a couple of weeks ago and told me she wanted to do the same thing with her, me, grandma and her mom. I
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 15
    told her I wasn't interested and she told me I have to. That I have two mom's and another grandma I never claim and I need to start treating everyone the same. I told her I only have one mom and two grandma's, She didn't like that and said she'd make me join and she said she doesn't feel as important when I don't do that. stuff with her and how I should make her feel important. I got
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 16
    mad and told her she's not as important and she has to learn to accept that because she's not my second mom or my third parent and I don't like her attitude or the way she tries to compete with and push mom out. She got so mad and dad came home as she was yelling. I packed up my stuff and went home to mom and told dad I wasn't coming anymore because I couldn't deal with his wife.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 17
    She texted me a bunch and I had to block her but basically she was saying I was a cruel and a heartless and a bu y. AITA?
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 18
    SkylarNguyen NTA. It sounds like your stepmom is trying to force a bond that just isn't there, and you're allowed to set boundaries. She needs to understand that you don't owe her the same relationship you have with your mom.
    via u/SkylarNguyen
  • 19
    Novel-Tune-868 OP Yeah and she does it in the legit worst way ever. So much force is used and she doesn't see how it backfires.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 20
    SkylarNguyen It's like she doesn't realize the harder she pushes, the more it pushes people away.
    via u/SkylarNguyen
  • 21
    Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 Your father needs to step up here, bigtime. And not by "having a word" with her. This is some unhinged behaviour that needs to be stopped yesterday. You're almost 18 but your brothers need protecting from this pushy, weirdo stepmother. Why in the world does she feel she should take the place of a living, functioning parent?? And why is your dad condoning her actions ("speaking to her" a couple of time clearly hasn't changed her crazy mind in the least). You're not TA OP but your
    via u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
  • 22
    eve_tpa How old is this woman? She sounds exhausting NTA, you should sit down to talk with both her and your dad present "I have a mom, and the fact that you try to replace her makes me dislike you"
    via u/eve_tpa
  • 23
    Novel-Tune-868 OP She's 43 and I think her age made her worse because she and my dad tried to have a baby for so long but she couldn't get pregnant or maybe miscarried.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 24
    Lazuli_Rose She needs to learn that you are not her replacement children and the harder she pushes, the more she is damaging any hope of a decent relationship. She's going to be a nightmare if you and your brothers marry and have children. NTA
    via u/Lazuli_Rose
  • 25
    BabeVibes22 I mean, who knew family dynamics could rival a soap opera? Next episode: Stepmom vs. Grandma in the Battle of the Spa Day! #
    via u/BabeVibes22
  • 26
    Novel-Tune-868 OP You joke about it but I can totally see it happening. A big fight during the girly day she wanted. Especially if grandma really lost her temper. She doesn't lose it easily or often but you can push her into it. I saw it once.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 27
    Turbulent_Ebb5669 NTA. You can't force relationships and the fact that she doesn't seem to understand that just shows how immature she is.
    via u/Turbulent_Ebb5669
  • 28
    Novel-Tune-868 OP Not only doesn't she understand that, she also doesn't realize when someone doesn't like her. She never picked up on it from me and my brothers or my grandma.
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 29
    dutchy_chris NTA. Your fathers wife is a jealous b with entitlement issues. Lucky your family sees her for who she is. Just keep going with polite "no"
    via u/dutchy_chris
  • 30
    Novel-Tune-868 OP Most of us do anyway. Dad still loves her and sees good in her even when she "missteps occasionally".
    via u/Novel-Tune-868
  • 31
    Tall_Confection_960 These are not missteps. Her behavior towards you and your Mom is unacceptable. You are not a toy to play with or fill some void she's missing in her life. In my opinion, your Dad has let this go way too far for way too long. He should have shut this down the first time. You are old enough to choose where you want to live and I wouldn't go back. If he forces you, know that you are almost 18, and it won't be long before he doesn't have a say. I wish you all the best. Your Mom a
    via u/Tall_Confection_960

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family drama stepmother spa day teenager spa mother teenagers stepmom grandma stepdaughter dad family grandparents daughter grandmother mom
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