Man Refuses to Let Wife's 'Professional Victim' Mother Move In in Fear of Inevitable Drama, Wife Refuses to Even Compromise; 'Family or nothing!'

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 25, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-spillin' ladies. Everyone has that one family member that leaves a trail of drama in their wake. Perhaps they're proudly opinionated and always looking to start a fight with people who disagree with them. Maybe they have sticky fingers, and you have spotted your missing tea cozy in the back of one of their Instagram stories. Perhaps they love to blab, spread rumors, and exaggerate stories just to watch the drama play out. If you're lucky, you only have to put up with this individual during the holidays. After all, the holidays aren't about spending time with people you like — they're about spending time with family. If you're unlucky, you'll find yourself fighting adamantly with your partner against allowing them to move in with you.

In our story today, our protagonist attempts to compromise when his wife's drama-magnet mother attempts to settle down "temporarily" in their home. Not wanting to deal with her drama and vibes, he suggests that they pay for her housing elsewhere, but his wife refuses. Get all the details by scrolling down!

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  • 01
    "My wife's mom is terrible. She's a professional victim who has burned every bridge in her life. She's stolen money from family, sabotaged relationships, and once "accidentally" set a small fire in her previous apartment because she was mad at her landlord."
    via Nuchylee
  • 02
    r/AITAH u/ashley_ivy 19h • AITAH for telling my wife I'd rather her mom be homeless than let her move in with us?
    via u/ashley_ivy
  • 03
    My wife's mom (62F) is terrible. She's a professional victim who has burned every bridge in her life. She's stolen money from family, sabotaged relationships, and once "accidentally" set a small fire in her previous apartment because she was mad at her landlord.
    via u/ashley_ivy

    She sounds like quite the handful.

  • 04
    Now, surprise, surprise, she's being evicted and called my wife (35F) crying about how she has "nobody else." My wife immediately jumped to, "Of course, you can stay with us!" without consulting me.
    via u/ashley_ivy

    Facepalm.

  • 05
    We have two young kids, a small house, and zero tolerance for drama. The idea of her mom moving in fills me with dread. I told my wife flat-out, "I'd rather your mom be homeless than let her move in with us." That didn't go over well. My wife is furious and says I'm heartless.
    via u/ashley_ivy

    I'm sure there was a more prudent way to get his point across.

  • 06
    I tried to compromise, suggesting we help pay for a short-term rental or look into senior housing, but my wife insists it's "family or nothing." Am I really the bad guy for setting this boundary? ۵ 8,422 2,742 1
    via u/ashley_ivy

    Honestly, that sounds like a great middle ground.

  • 07
    Any-Split3724 • 19h NTA. Allowing anyone to move into your home is a two "yes" discussion. One no vote is all it takes to put the kibosh on the idea. Your wife needs to have the scales fall from her eyes to see the harsh truth about her mother. Offering assistance to help her transition to another short term residence was more than generous and a good compromise. Reply 1 ✩ 4.4k
    via u/Any-Split3724
  • 08
    900 InsertCleverName652 17h Well said. You can support the MIL without being in direct contact with her poison. Please do not give in. You will regret it forever. 1 1.1k
    via u/InsertCleverName652
  • 09
    Wynnie7117. 9h Don't forget when she lives there for a short period of time and I don't know what state you live in but. She can claim to be a resident and if you have to get her out, you would have to go through formal eviction proceedings. Just throwing this out there because she say that she's kind of a litigious troublemaker. It'll be easy for her to get in, but it will be really hard for you to get her out. ← 80
    via u/Wynnie7117
  • 10
    silasbarker 11h . I totally agree, helping her find another place is the best solution without adding drama to your home. 75
    via u/silasbarker
  • 11
    OkieLady1952 • 9h Show your wife this post 34
    via u/OkieLady1952
  • 12
    tomdurkin⚫ 9h When my Mom-in-Law had health issues, I quickly agreed to have her move in with us. But then again, Marge was a great person. OP doesn't sound as fortunate. Q û 32 ↓
    via u/tomdurkin

    Not everyone has a chill MIL.

  • 13
    theferal1 19h NTA- stand firm! If she moves in, she might not move out. And, there's a reason she has "nobody else" either she's burned all her bridges or, your house would be the most comfortable place for her to be. Not your problem. ... Reply 5 5.9k
    via u/theferal1

    Sounds like a HER problem.

  • 14
    luckylimper 18h • Just ask your wife if you're willing to let your babies sleep in the same house as a firestarter. And then family counseling because she hasn't broken the hold her mother has on her. ... Reply û lk ♡ 1k
    via u/luckylimper
  • 15
    oldtimehawkey • 11h The MIL has stolen money from family. You have to be a certain lowlife to do that. So what will she steal from OOP's house the first time they say they aren't giving her money? Their kids' toys? If there's anything valuable in the house, expect MIL to steal it. Even kids' toys.
    via u/oldtimehawkey
  • 16
    If you leave anything laying around or dont put your wallet in a safe anytime it's not in your pocket, your money is going to disappear.
    via u/oldtimehawkey

    Klepto-mom-iac.

  • 17
    MIL probably will research tenancy laws. If she's in your house for a week, is she considered a tenant? If she's is charged a rent and only pays $10 towards that rent, is she considered a tenant? Now go look up what it would take to kick out a tenant in your area. She could destroy your house in that time.
    via u/oldtimehawkey
  • 18
    Are you prepared to lose everything? A fire, even when put out quickly, destroys everything. A family down the street had a fire start in their garage a few months ago. Their house is still boarded up and they are not living there. It's pretty bad. ... ← 1194
    via u/oldtimehawkey
  • 19
    creamandcrumbs • 13h That's totally what's going on here. I don't think the "stand firm" advice people are giving will work on the wife. Empathy on the wives position is needed and she needs to fully understand the danger that will come for her kids, her house and her marriage if she lets her mother move in. Hate to say it put OP has to be a bit manipulative to get her to see it, as time is short and counselling/ therapy takes long to take effect. 194
    via u/creamandcrumbs

    Wife might be more receptive if her reframes his argument to be more empathetic.

  • 20
    Hoshi Jones • 19h Absolutely NTA. Your wife had no right to make that offer without your assent. And if you're smart, you'll stick to your refusal. Your MIL sounds too toxic to unleash on your kids or yourself. Reply 601
    via u/HoshiJones
  • 21
    cataphractbeaver • 19h NTA. Cut toxic people out. Doesn't matter who they are. It's either trouble now or trouble later and there's no reason you need to wait to rip off the bandaid. Reply 789
    via u/cataphractbeaver
  • 22
    Secure_Ship_3407 19h Serously don't let someone who won't move out and become a burden. Stand your ground. ← Reply 103
    via u/Secure_Ship_3407
  • 23
    Con4America • 19h NTA. NO, NO, NO, NO. Do NOT let that woman move in. If she shows up, call the police. Make it very clear you mean business. That woman will not leave once she gets in your house. If she still persists, ask her if she would rather have you and the kids or her mom because you will be filing for divorce if the mom moves in. Follow through and do your best to get custody. The kids don't need to be in a home with that woman. Reply 125
    via u/Con4America
  • 24
    Radiant Western_5589 ° 18h The woman set fire to an apartment I'm sure there's evidence from it if the landlord could evict her. So pretty sure kid in house with loving father or home with pyro grandmother isn't exactly a hard choice. 66
    via u/Radiant_Western_5589

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