Parent takes daughter to Paris bachelorette party instead of sending her to paternal family gathering: '2 days into the trip he called me'

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 25, 2024 3:00 PM EST

These two parents can't agree on where their daughter should've gone. Should she have gone to a bachelorette party in Paris, France, or gone to see the family members she sees twice per year elsewhere? 

This person, u/starless012, is having some issues with their ex. That can be typical in cases where families split up: the parents have different ideas of who gets custody of the kid and when. This couple's squabble has divided the internet, though. 

It seems like this parent just really wanted to go to their sister's bachelorette party. Taking place in Paris, it does seem like a must-go activity! But instead of telling their ex about these change of plans, they just went to the party, with their daughter along for the ride, without telling her Dad first. The dad was understandably upset about not seeing his daughter during his allotted time. Maybe this parent didn't want to tell their ex in case he said their daughter couldn't go… they're practicing that "ask forgiveness, not permission" mentality. 

After that, read about the way that one indie book store worker accidentally sparked a treasure search that overtook the whole internet, saying that "There are now HUNDREDS of people… following these "clues."' 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10446276352
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for going on my sister's bachelorette trip instead of taking my daughter to see her paternal family?
    via u/starless012
  • 03
    Twice a year I take my daughter to see my ex's family, per our agreement. However, my sister had a bachelorette trip during the same week I was supposed to take my daughter to see them.
    via u/starless012
  • 04
    My sister has children and so do the majority of the people she invited so she decided to make the trip kid friendly and asked me to bring my daughter too.
    via u/starless012
  • 05
    I called my ex and told him about the trip since I needed his permission to take our daughter to Paris and he said it was fine but it was pretty obvious he was busy and was just trying to get me off the phone. We never had a
    via u/starless012
  • 06
    follow up conversation and I don't think he made the connection that I was supposed to take her to see his family then but two days into the trip he called me and was furious that I hadn't taken her to see them.
    via u/starless012
  • 07
    He said his family had been waiting for us and I needed to go to them immediately. He kept bringing up our agreement and telling me off for not sticking to it and I ended up hanging up on him because he wasn't listening to anything I said.
    via u/starless012
  • 08
    Even now that we're home, he keeps bringing up the fact that I broke our agreement and how that means he no longer feels obliged to stick to it either. AITA?
    via u/starless012
  • 09
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I went on my sister's bachelorette trip with my daughter instead of taking her to see her paternal family. I
    via u/starless012
  • 10
    have an agreement with my ex that I would take our daughter to see his family twice a year but I broke it so I could go on the bachelorette party, which is why I could be the a hole in this situation.
    via u/starless012
  • 11

    Many people said that everyone in the situation was to blame for their poor commuincation

    PARA9535307 ESH. He should, of course, actually be listening when you two are discussing your daughter. It's not your job to manage his calendar, and he should have been paying attention.
    via u/PARA9535307
  • 12
    But that said, it doesn't sound like things are acrimonious between you, and you heavily suspected he didn't fully understand what you were saying by phone (which can happen, even between good friends), and instead of sending a simple two line text or email
    via u/PARA9535307
  • 13
    - "To be clear, this trip to Paris is scheduled for the same time as the trip to see your family, so the family trip will have to be cancelled or rescheduled. Ok?" - to keep the co-parenting relationship clear (and to cover your a, legally speaking), you just went with it.
    via u/PARA9535307
  • 14
    And now there's a boatload of drama that could have been avoided on both sides, and a child who might feel like she's in the middle.
    via u/PARA9535307
  • 15
    BountyMounty ESH - it took him 2 days to call and ask where she was?? You didn't remind your sister that she booked her party during those few days when she initially told you? Yikes...no one wins and your kid loses when you're communicating with her dad at this level.
    via u/BountyMounty
  • 16
    P... ESH It's just twice a year. You knew the implication, but pulled a fast one. There were other solutions available - you could have asked to move her time with his family, you could have asked your sister to move the bachelorette party, or
    via u/PetrogradSwe
  • 17
    you could have gone to the bachelorette party and had someone else take your daughter to see his family. That said, you can try to make it up to them by offering a replacement family visit. There's no reason this has to cause her time with his family to get cancelled.
    via u/PetrogradSwe
  • 18
    Also, while it may feel like this is a conflict between you and your ex, the one really missing out may very well be your daughter. So try to support her contact with her relatives. That's what this is about
    via u/PetrogradSwe
  • 19

    Other commenters blamed the parent who whisked their daughter away to Paris

    salmonberrycre... The lack of communication here is mindblowing. You didn't think to mention that the trip to see his family would need to be rescheduled when you asked about the trip? Or at least confirm that he understood that? You couldn't have communicated to his family that the visit was no longer happening?
    via u/salmonberrycreek
  • 20
    You are the one who decided to change plans here. Therefore it was your responsibility to handle. canceling the original plans. and rescheduling. YTA.
    via u/salmonberrycreek
  • 21
    YourMothers Bu... ESH. I think you both need to recalibrate communication with each other. A quick phone call might look sufficient, but there should've been some follow up confirmation via text/email prior to- then you both have the dates in writing.
    via u/YourMothersB***ox

    As this person mentioned, both parents should strive for better communication. That way, the next time an issue like this comes up, their daughter won't be stuck in the middle of the disagreement. 

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paris families bachelorette party relationships exes Travel family trip mother daughter Father
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