Adopted daughter refuses to co-sign for ‘golden child’ sister who’s already in debt, parents take sister’s side, causing strains between siblings

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Dec 31, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Growing up with siblings should mean you have a built-in best friend forever, someone to prank your parents with, someone who knows your family dynamics as intimately as you do, and ultimately, someone to love. We're all familiar with the stereotypes of being the eldest born, the middle, and the youngest. Being the eldest usually means you get the hardest punishments and consequences. You're the guinea pig for your parent's parenting. The youngest is always babied, getting whatever he or she wants, having no consequences, and is sometimes seen as the 'golden child.' 

In this Reddit thread, the original poster (OP) is the eldest, and not only is she the eldest with the most responsibilities, but she's adopted. Her parents had another daughter after her, this time a natural pregnancy. OP has always felt as if her parents favor her younger sister, and in this Reddit story, that feeling is clearly apparent. 

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  • 01
    " If I co-sign, I'll be on the hook if my sister can't pay. She's still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they'll see I'm already tied to another loan. But my parents say I'm "selfish" and "forgetting family values." My sister's calling me a
    via Canva
  • 02
    r/AITAH ⚫ 2 days ago fancyapanda AITA for Refusing to Co- Sign My Sister's Mortgage After My Parents Went Behind My Back?
    via u/fancyapanda

    No one likes to feel disrespected. Feeling like your sibling is the 'golden child' is the last thing anyone wants, and it's immensely important for the parents to make each child feel equally loved and appreciated. Not only is it harmful to the entire family dynamic to create feelings of competition between siblings, but it's even worse to demand you co-sign for your sister who's a student in debt. My question is, why don't the parents sign? 

  • 03
    I (28F) have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software, so I make decent money, but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents (both mid-50s) found a
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 04
    house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer- without telling me—and now the deal only goes through if I co- sign.
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 05
    The problem? I had no clue they'd do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb: "You have the best credit score-co-sign so your sister can get the house!" They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because "you've got the money."
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 06
    If I co-sign, I'll be on the hook if my sister can't pay. She's still in school, has debt, and zero backup plan. The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they'll see I'm already tied to another loan. But my parents say I'm "selfish" and "forgetting family values." My sister's calling me a
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 07
    monster for leaving her "stranded," and my mom threatened to cut off any future financial help (like wedding money) if I don't help right now.
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 08
    Some relatives think it's insane my parents tried to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for "the family's sake." I feel guilty, but also mad they put me in this spot. AITA for protecting my own finances, or are they wrong for strong-arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place?
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 09
    EDIT: I'm actually adopted Imao forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents. adopted me when I was very young because they'd been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them-she was their "miracle baby." Ever since, it's felt
    via u/fancyapanda

    Ahh the truth comes out! 

  • 10
    like my role in the family became "the older, adopted one," while she was the golden child who could do no wrong. Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible, and generally look out for my sister.
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 11
    I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships, and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the "fallback option” in case anyone needed financial or emotional support. Now that I'm actually building my own life-saving for a
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 12
    house, focusing on my career—I'm realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I'll always bail them (or my sister) out.
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 13
    I love them, but I can't keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I'm never the priority. So thank you all for the wake up call.
    via u/fancyapanda
  • 14
    I... 2d ago Edited 2d ago • Absolutely do NOT co-sign. NTA if you refuse. Let your Mom not pay for the wedding. If she's threatening now, she will again. In the end she probably won't. But that's not hhe main reason not to co-sign. The main
    via u/Independent-Stand351
  • 15
    reason is there is a huge chance you will be in debt for a house that is not yours.
    via u/Independent-Stand351
  • 16
    BadAdvice24_7 • 2d ago · NTA, that sounds like a terrible idea. family soinds toxic. good luck
    via u/BadAdvice24_7
  • 17
    celticmusebooks • 2d ago • Top 1% Commenter So, your sister is the Golden child and you are not. Don't cosign the loan. Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire (as they would if you cosign the loan)
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 18
    you'll pay for your own wedding-- and will be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 19
    NTA but your family is really toxic.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 20
    teenGFFsugary • 15h ago • OMG, the golden child edit explains EVERYTHING. Major gaslighting move by your parents. Protect your coin, queen!
    via u/teenGFFsugary
  • 21
    Inner-Fisherman-... • 2d ago Terrible idea.. why does she need a house rn if she has barely any credit and she's mid grad school.. an apartment sounds like what she needs
    via u/Inner-Fisherman
  • 22
    Ej-mane 2d ago • Don't do it
    via u/Ej-mane
  • 23
    she_who_knits • 2d ago • Never ever cosign for anything for anyone. I don't care who they are. NTA for following basic common sense. Your parents demands are ridiculously unreasonable.
    via u/she_who_knits

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