Ex-wife demands ex-husband and his new girlfriend spend $500k on a new house instead of her moving into his current one, cites 'Girl Code': 'That seems like a significantly unnecessary financial setback'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2025 3:00 PM EST

The term 'Girl Code' is bandied around a lot, and there is no real universal understanding of what it means. It seems as though you can cite it whenever you want to cite it since there are no hard and fast rules we all agree on. Maybe it's understood that part of Girl Code is refraining from dating a good friend's ex, but people break that rule all the time. What if it turns out that you're soulmates? Or maybe it's that the needs of your platonic girlfriends should come before the needs of your romantic partner, but that seems unreasonable at a certain point. Or at least it's just too vague to make sense. But behind all the axioms of Girl Code lies an ethos of women respecting women, and looking out for each other when we can, especially when it comes to relationships with men. 

But nowhere in Girl Code does it ask women to go into debt so they can spare the feelings of another woman they may or may not actually know. That's what happened in this story, though, when a woman had a pretty insane request from her ex-husband's new partner. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10449747968
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not spending 400- 500K on a new home to make my BF's ex happy?
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 03
    I (35F) have been dating my boyfriend (38M) for a little over a year. Him and his ex share a son (6M). The ex's current concern (she has had a lot throughout our dating) is me eventually moving into the home they purchased together that now belongs solely to my BF. She has been
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 04
    bombarding us (mostly me) with manipulative and threatening messages about essentially this action breaking "girl code" by moving into that house and that I should refuse and essentially force my BF and his son to relocate to a new home in the area.
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 05
    From a financial end, it would cost us 400-500k to move as he's been able to keep his current mortgage rate and housing prices in the area have dramatically increased since he purchased. We both make decent money but that seems like a significantly unnecessary
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 06
    financial setback that could go towards his son's college fund, our retirement, etc. Not to mention, my BF and his son have been very vocal about not wanting to move and they both love their house, which he's spent his whole life in.
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 07
    From an emotional standpoint, it does not bother me and I am ok with moving into the home he previously co-owned with his ex. Instead we've talked about changing the interior (slowly and gradually) to make it our own as I begin moving in and so that his son is comfortable during the transition. Considering we've been very flexible and given her immense consideration in the past and give in on a lot of her "asks", AITA?
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 08
    Gemini_Speaks75 • 1h ago NTA.. what works for me may not work for. I suggest the parenting app and blocking her everywhere else. The only thing y'all have to talk about is son's schedule. He has appointments, what day he needs to be picked up from
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
  • 09
    school, half-days, holidays, and exam days. I would also let son know, especially if you have a decent relationship, "hey, buddy, you can let me. know if I'm doing a good or bad job with you. Parenting is new to me and I want to make
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417
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    sure you're feeling safe and I'm giving you enough attention." Say this with dad around, do you both can figure out what's working or not. Otherwise, all communication with ex needs to go through dad.
    via u/Creepy-Anteater-1417

  • Communication with an ex can be difficult, especially if you're co-parenting. You had your reasons for breaking up, and now you have to put those aside because you have a child together. If you have shared custody, you have to coordinate when they're staying with you versus when they're staying with your partner, who is going to take them to school, what to do on breaks, and who is going to show up to important events in their life. 

  • 11
    celticmusebooks 1h ago • • Send her a polite, unemotional response saying that the decision to move is between you and your boyfriend and you don't wish to discuss it any further and won't be reading or responding to any further texts or messages. (Run the message by your BF before sending).
    via u/celticmusebooks
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    Then stop reading or responding to further texts. I'm assuming that your BF already bought out her share of the house and that she won't get money when the current house is sold.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 13
    Vegetable-Cod-2... • 1h ago NTA Op, you and your boyfriend need to have a conversation about his ex, there is no reason why she should be contacting you at all, unless there is an emergency with the child.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
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    Tell the ex, that the sale or non sale of the home is the boyfriend's decision not yours, and its not a topic you're not discussing with her. You'd appreciate if she only Contact you for emergencies.
    via u/Vegetable-Cod-2340
  • 15
    OhioGirl22 • 1h ago. NTA. But until you and your boyfriend marry...and even after...you have no legal claim to this house. He will need to add you to the mortgage. Would he do that for you if the two of you are contributing similar finances to the house?
    via u/OhioGirl22
  • 16
    owls_and_cardin... . 2h ago NTA. This is not something. you owe her, she is quite out of line to be expecting to dictate his or your actions with respect to a house she no longer owns. End of story. How many other things can she classify as 'girl code' to get you to do what she wants?
    via u/owls_and_cardinals
  • 17
    wndrgrl555 . 2h ago. NTA. it's his house, so it's up to him, not her. you can feel free to tell her to get bent, using whatever level of vulgarity suits the relationship you want to have with her.
    via u/wndrgrl555
  • 18
    Jdawn82 2h ago • • NTA - It's his house, not hers. She doesn't have a say now that she's no longer the owner any more than she would have a say if she'd sold the house to a complete stranger on who the new
    via u/Jdawn82
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    owners invite to live there. It's very concerning that she cares more about you living there than her child being happy getting to stay in the home he's spent his whole life in.
    via u/Jdawn82
  • 20
    Zookeepergame... • 2h ago. NTA, you said it's solely his house now so his ex (while she may indeed find it hard to cope with seeing another woman playing house or whatever you want to call it in the place where she was with him or whatever the phrase is) doesn't have a say in the matter.
    via u/ZookeepergameNo7151
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    Girl code my a ' why should you get yourself into half a million in debt when there's absolutely no reason to?
    via u/ZookeepergameNo7151
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    Cheezburger Image 10449746432
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Affording rent or a mortgage is hard enough. If you're lucky enough to be in a situation where you're comfortable, you should stay in it. We all know housing doesn't seem to be getting less expensive, or ever will. So the suggestion to purchase a new house is a lot more loaded than it seems at face value. Not to mention the cost of moving itself. Have you hired movers recently? You'd be shocked at how much they're charging these days. It will also disrupt you and your child's life for a while as you get settled into your new abode. 

  • 23
    Future_Direction... • 1h ago If he sells HIS house, and buys one with you, you then own 50% of the new house. Should you separate, or di, he would have to sell it.
    via u/Future_Direction5174
  • 24
    If he keeps HIS house, then it remains his and this can be protected by a prenup if necessary should you marry. If you separate, you have no right to HIS house. His ex is NOT thinking this through.
    via u/Future_Direction5174
  • 25
    In fact it makes more sense for you to move into his house because that way you have ZERO rights should you separate. If you get married, then the house forms part of his estate and he can bequeath it however he wants in a Will. He could leave it to his children, leave it to his ex. If he dies intestate, then you just get widow share. However if you buy a house jointly, then at most he can only pass on 50%.
    via u/Future_Direction5174
  • 26
    BackgroundCarp... 1h ago . "Girl code"? What girl code? Were you an acquaintance of his ex before dating your bf? Anyway, his ex is being controlling for no reason. NTA, and your bf should contact his lawyer regarding this, in case his ex decides to make things difficult.
    via u/BackgroundCarpet1796
  • 27
    Fresh_Caramel81... • 1h ago • Girl code?!? lol for days. Stop entertaining her messages. Honestly - I'd consider blocking her. YOU don't need to communicate with her. Leave that to your BF. NTA.
    via u/Fresh_Caramel8148
  • 28
    davidedpg10 • 1h ago • Oh yeah, everybody knows. section 6 paragraph 37 of girl code that says "go into massive debt to appease your partner's ex #girlcode"..... Obviously NTA
    via u/davidedpg10
  • 29
    aspralav . 1h ago • Your boyfriend needs to handle this particular issue from now on and possibly look into dealing with the EX through a parenting app to ensure she doesn't get any clever ideas to stir up custody issues. Girl Code is between friends. You're not friends. The relationship only exists because a child is involved.
    via u/aspralav

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