Husband plans expensive vacation with his female best friend of 15 years, doesn't invite his wife and tries to get out of including her when she asks to come: 'She asked if I could add another plane ticket anyway and I'm not inclined to do that'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Something shifts when you get married. You're no longer just one little dude who can just hop on a plane to Switzerland to meet up with your boys from college for the weekend all by yourself, no questions asked. You and your partner are a package deal, and if you're going to Switzerland, they'll probably want to go to Switzerland, too. One of the best parts of marriage is that you have a built-in traveling companion, but if you want to engage in bachelor's behavior, the love of your life can often prevent that kind of lifestyle.

It's a pretty big slap in the face if your husband or wife is investing a ton of time, money, and effort for a vacation that you don't even have the privilege of attending. A weekend boys trip to Tempe, Arizona, is one thing, but the excuses that this husband made not to include his wife in this vacation are ridiculous. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10449784320
    via Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    WIBTAH if I don't include my wife on a trip I planned for my friend?
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 03
    I (30m) have been friends with A (29f) since we were 15/16 years old. When we were still teenagers A picked up smoking from her friends, she didn't do it much and she said she knew the risks and wanted to stop. As encouragement to get her to quit I made a deal with her. We both share a love of cars and
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10449789184
    via Andres Siimon

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    motorsports so the deal was that if she never picked up a cigatte again, I would fly us out to and get grandstand tickets for her favorite F1 race, obviously once we were older and not broke teenagers. Admittedly 16 year old me did not take all the costs into consideration but I still wanted to uphold my end of the deal.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10449786112
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    A and I have always had a sibling like relationship and my wife knows that. Nothing has ever happened between us and A even helped to set me up with my now wife (30f) and was a 'grooms-woman' at the wedding.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 08
    This year the time finally came when I had the money, time and circumstances for this trip. My wife has always known about this deal I have with A since we met 9 years ago. She's never had a problem with it and even found it. "wholesome" in her words. Her and A have a good relationship, they aren't best friends or anything but they get along quite well.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 09
    Anyway in september I booked the tickets to the race as well as flights and the trip is going to be around A's birthday next year. I had always thought that it was known that the trip was going to be just me and A as per the deal we made ages ago and when I was booking the tickets in september I mentioned this and my wife had 0 problems with it.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 10
    Then a couple days ago my wife mentions how she's so excited for the trip and I gently let her know that I have only booked two tickets for the race and flights. She was upset about this and I was really confused because I thought I had made it clear that this trip was for A and it would just be us two. She asked me if I could add another ticket to the race but it's all sold out so I cant
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 11
    really. And then she asked if I could add another plane ticket anyway and I'm not inclined to do that as, and I know this sounds childish, but this was a me and A thing since we made the deal.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 12
    My wife has seemed really upset about this and is barely talking to me and the one time we have seen A since then she was very cold towards her. I don't know if she doesn't trust me or if it's because of some insecurity. WIBTAH if I don't include my wife?
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 13
    Edit: Yes I had a big fat sit down conversation with my wife about this before I booked anything and I broke down my plans and all the costs (covered by money I had saved on my own) and my wife was completely fine with everything, until now.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 14
    Edit 2: Talked to my wife and currently booking my her onto our flight and my hotel room. I guess I can see where people are coming from with the YTA judgement but I still think she should have said she wanted to come sooner as I did make it clear. Because like I said, and people seem o be overlooking, I clearly communicated everything with her told her all the details and everything, she was fine with it all until she wasn't.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480

  • Dude just learned that he needs to communicate in relationships…2025 is truly the year of realizing things.

  • 15
    jhenry137 INFO - Did you book separate hotel rooms? But yeah, YTA.
    via u/jhenry137
  • 16
    Next-Guava-3480 OP Yes of course we have separate hotel rooms.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 17
    ladypoe1207-0824 Have you ever taken your wife on an expensive trip like this before (not including your honeymoon if you even did a trip for it)? I'm asking because the way the post sounds, it seems that this is the first time you've had enough money to go on a vacation and you used it to fund a trip with a friend that doesn't even include your wife. You're TA, anyways, but if that's the case it's even worse.
    via u/ladypoe1207-0824
  • 18
    Next-Guava-3480 OP Yes my wife and I have taken trips together.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 19
    Traditional Door8906 That wasn't the question though - have you ever taken your wife on an extravagant trip like this, ie where you have treated her to it and footed the bill by yourself.
    via u/Traditional_Door8906
  • 20
    Next-Guava-3480 OP Yes I have treated my wife to trips before as she is a stay at home wife.
    via u/Next-Guava-3480
  • 21
    sum_beach Oof, stay at home wife. Honestly this info put it definitely into YTA category for me. You "saved up with your own money" but it's not really your own money, is it? If your wife doesn't work then your money is really family money. Also your wife was definitely under the impression she was going so YTA for not properly communicating to her she isn't. You two need to work on communication skills
    via u/sum_beach

  • It's so easy to be like, “Ooooh, he must be cheating,” regarding any situation with a married man and his email best friend, but I really don't think that's the case in this situation. The actual conflict is much more interesting than an imagined infidelity plot. He technically did not do anything salacious. His biggest transgression is acting like his wife is his girlfriend of six months instead of the person who should assume that she be included in all of his vacations unless explicitly stated otherwise.

  • 22
    here_for_the_tea_92 My dude, YTA. You don't even sound remorseful in your EDITS to be honest. You sound like you've been guilted and peer pressured by strangers on Reddit to invite your wife, and still don't even understand what's wrong with what you did which makes this worse. Just the fact that you said you "had always thought it was known" about the trip just being for you and your friend clearly tells me you did not communicate all the details of your trip to your wife and only ASSUMED she f
    via u/here_for_the_tea_92
  • 23
    Advice from one married man to another 1) Do not invalidate her feelings. She's feeling this way for a reason and only good communication will help you and your wife work through it. 2) If you ever go on a trip with other people without your wife, make that distinctly clear. None of this BS like oh I communicated this clearly by saying it's a deal I made between me and "A" since we were 16 and it should have been implied from me sitting her down and breaking down the costs of the trip coming fro
    via u/here_for_the_tea_92
  • 24
    For me, it doesn't matter if it's a guys trip, mixed trip, or with another female my wife is cool with, I always let her know if I plan for it to be just me on the trip and not us, and she does the same with me. This way it's always clear upfront and we can talk through it if we need to.
    via u/here_for_the_tea_92
  • 25
    youmustb3jokn I think if you take this trip without your wife you are going to drive a huge wedge between your wife and you as well as make it very difficult for your wife to not have animosity towards your girl best friend. I also think your this is just our thing raises even more red flags than you are acknowledging. You may greatly love your friend but you love and live with your wife. Be smart. Don't make your life harder than it needs to be. And I bet your friend would not mind your wife co
    via u/youmustb3jokn
  • 26
    You can get them on second hand sellers or with people who unexpectedly can't go. Or she can do something else while the race occurs. It's your reactions to your wife going that makes it seem more suspicious. And if your wife knew something she was going to do would hurt you and make you uncomfortable but proceeded to do it, that would really make you question her actual feelings for you. In marriage we try to not overtly do things that we know will hurt the other person. How will her tagging al
    via u/youmustb3jokn
  • 27
    busyshrew This is excellent advice. It doesn't matter if the wife goes to the race or not, but she needs to be included in the overall trip. And if the female bf in ANY WAY resents or twitches an eyebrow about this, then OP should be very very careful about how he proceeds because there lies big red danger signs.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 28
    Regardless, OP's comment(s) seem to be more about justifying his decision than considering his wife's feelings and status in the relationship........ not a great sign for the longevity of this marriage, sigh.
    via u/busyshrew
  • 29
    PopRevanchist YTA. look, I'm married, I have pre existing close friends of the opposite and so does my husband. However, I would never plan a trip that's just me and a close guy friend without him even if nothing untoward is going - on (and it genuinely does sound like nothing is going on), it looks very bad to other people, and you are still excluding your wife. As well as making her uncomfortable and sad, you are going to create the appearance that you and your friend are a couple by traveling
    via u/PopRevanchist
  • 30
    Ok Homework_7621 Your wife comes home and says a guy friend is taking her to a Caribbean resort she's always wanted to visit because she stopped eating gummy bears when she was 15. You're not invited and the guy is paying for everything. It's expensive. Do you seriously just say bon voyage? YTA
    via u/Ok_Homework_7621

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friendship marriage vacations racing best friends race friends wife relationship-drama best friend marriage-drama relationships husband trip tickets vacation
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