"You just want a free surrogate": Man pressures sister-in-law into delaying hysterectomy, she stands up to him and refuses, laying down the law about her body

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 19, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Hello, gossip goddesses of the internet. There are many reasons a couple may look to surrogacy in order to have a baby. Perhaps it is a medical impossibility for them, or maybe one has a health issue that makes it dangerous to carry a baby. However, surrogacy is incredibly expensive — around $100, 000. The cost is including fertility treatments, embryo creation, and surrogate compensation for doing the 9 month long, physically taxing labor of growing a small human. Yes, the price is high, but it really should be considering all of the effort and time that goes into it.

In our story today, a couple attempts to circumvent the cost of surrogacy by convincing their relative to have their baby for them. Our protagonist, soon to have a hysterectomy due to health issues, stands up for herself when her brother-in-law pressures her to delay her medical procedure for his benefit. Get the full deets by scrolling down. 

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  • 01

    AITA because won't delay having hysterectomy after birth my baby so can be surrogate my sister?

    "In December my sister came right out and asked me not to have the hysterectomy yet and to be her surrogate so she can be a mother, too. I told her I was so sorry, but I couldn't delay it any longer."
    via Liliia Bila

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    r/AITAH u/Maleficent-Feeling22 • 8h AITA because I won't delay having a hysterectomy after the birth of my baby so I can be a surrogate for my sister?
    via u/
  • 03
    I (28f) am having my third (and final) child with my husband and I have a scheduled c-section and hysterectomy planned. My periods started when I was young (9) and I have suffered with them ever since. They're extremely painful, heavy and (very)
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 04
    long. I wasn't even sure if I could get pregnant with my issues but I knew I wanted children so I delayed even when the option was originally presented to me. It was worth it but these extra years have been torture on my body.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22

  • It doesn't even sound like any doctor would approve her to be a surrogate given all of her medical issues. It's incredibly how they are willing to ignore their loved one's health just to get what they want and not pay a cent. 

  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10456764672
    via freemixer

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    My sister (31f) is struggling with infertility. She's had some fertility treatments but nothing has worked for her yet. It was suggested to her on more than one occasion that she could consider a surrogate. She was very against it for so long. In another situation,
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 07
    one where I didn't have all the problems I have, I would have offered for her because we're so close. But I need to be done. I don't know if I'll honestly survive like I have been if I wait another couple of years or more so my sister can have kids.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10456764416
    via Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    In December my sister came right out and asked me not to have the hysterectomy yet and to be her surrogate so she can be a mother too. I told her I was so sorry and if my body wasn't giving me the hl it is, I'd do it for her, but I couldn't delay it any longer. She got upset but told me it was fine and she understood. She'd get over it. I could tell it bothered her but I didn't want to fight about it.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 10
    Then Christmas came and my BIL got involved. Our whole family was together Christmas Day and when everyone was busy he asked to speak to me and then he berated me for my selfishness and he said if I loved my sister as much as I said I'd delay it like I did for my own selfish reasons. My husband and my mom heard him and they stepped in to defend me and my husband told my BIL to back off and nobody
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 11
    should ever be put under pressure to carry a pregnancy. Mom said emotions might be high around it but none of this is my fault and he shouldn't attack me like that. BIL told them I broke my sister's heart and he was p ed at me for it. My mom told him again that it wasn't my fault.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22

  • A round of applause to our protagonist's mom and husband for backing her. This is the rational response, of course, but her sister and brother-in-law were pulling all of the emotionally manipulative tactics in the book to get what they wanted. 

  • 12
    The rest of Christmas Day was strained and afterward my sister told me she was sorry about her husband but they were just so upset and they felt robbed of having a baby biologically related to the two of them. I told her I was so sorry and I was here if she needed me. BIL reached out and said my sister might be sorry but he still thinks I'm incredibly selfish.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10456764928
    via fotostorm

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    Clean Factor9673 NTA. She's not entitled to your womb. It's terrible for her and her husband to pressure you.
    via u/Clean_Factor9673
  • 15
    Foolish-Pleasure99 Right? Once again, BIL attempts incredibly manipulative arguement he doesn't realize works both ways. If they loved OP, they wouldn't be so incredibly selfish to demand this of her.
    via u/Foolish-Pleasure99
  • 16
    sikonat I'm furious on OP's behalf. No is a complete sentence. Their behaviour says they shouldn't have kids given the entities behaviour. They think OP should suffer so they can have kids (they'll want more than 2). Never mind pregnancy and birth is a huge risk They see her body as theirs and that she's robbing them.
    via u/sikonat
  • 17
    Riverat627 It's more than that surrogates exist they want a FREE surrogate-NTA
    via u/Riverat627
  • 18
    Apprehensive-Pop-201 Yep. Saw an ad last night for surrogates. $40,000.00 and up .
    via u/Apprehensive-Pop-201
  • 19
    polkadotbot Wow. Honestly as someone who's been pregnant, that's not enough.
    via u/polkadotbot
  • 20
    lolaadreamgirl Exactly, she's not entitled to your body. You've been through enough with your own health, and putting yourself first is totally justified. The pressure is just unfair.
    via u/lolaadreamgirl
  • 21
    ObligationWeekly 9117 NTA. I have also given birth three times and let me just say your BIL can f ALL the way off. How do he feel entitled to nearly a year of someone's pain and discomfort? I wouldn't even do it again- for my own family. Let alone for anyone else.
    via u/ObligationWeekly9117
  • 22
    Maleficent-Feeling22 OP I can't ever do this again either. My pregnancy itself isn't the worst part but my body just isn't doing good with everything. I know the fact I did this three times and delayed it is part of what angers him so much. I think in his mind this should be their baby and then I should have been done,
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 23
    instead of having another child for me and my husband. But even if I had decided to stop at two and offered, a few months ago my sister would've said no. She was still holding out for something else to work and really it still could happen for them.
    via u/Maleficent-Feeling22
  • 24
    Gesteveze NTA. Your health and well-being come first, and no one has the right to pressure you into delaying a necessary medical procedure, especially one that impacts your quality of life so significantly. It's heartbreaking that your sister is struggling, but that doesn't make you selfish for prioritizing your own health. Your BIL's behavior is out of line, and you shouldn't feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
    via u/Gesteveze
  • 25
    BeachinLife1 Honestly, if you asked your doctor if you could even be a surrogate, with all the problems you've had, you are probably not even a candidate. It is WAY too expensive of a procedure to go through to risk it on someone who does not have a normal, healthy reproductive system. What kind of fertility specialist would risk that on someone who needs a hysterectomy??
    via u/BeachinLife1
  • 26
    Adpiava That's a good point. There's no way a reputable doctor would sign off on this given the OP's physical issues.
    via u/Adpiava
  • 27
    Kindly Celebration223 They want to pressure you to do it because they don't want to pay anyone to be a surrogate. They selfishly want a woman to risk her life, possibly leave her children without a mother, but don't want to pay someone the going rate to do such a thing so they figure using your body would be free since "family".
    via u/KindlyCelebration223
  • 28
    And now they are berating you thinking mistreating you will shame you into this request? They can either pay for a surrogate or find another path, but they are out of line. And honestly, if they go adoption, think about telling this to the social worker if you are interviewed. There state of mind & lack of boundaries is not stable or healthy.
    via u/KindlyCelebration223
  • 29
    recyclopath OP isn't the only way they can have a baby. She is the only cheap way they can have a baby. Cheap for them. Not for her.
    via u/recyclopath
  • 30
    Middle-Cloud-4814 NTA it's incredibly selfish for a man to demand that you carry his child. It's sad that your sister is having fertility issues and I can sympathise that it must be hard for her seeing you get pregnant, but there are other ways to become a mother.
    via u/Middle-Cloud-4814

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