Entitled mother puts dating over parenting, expects teen daughter to babysit 4-year old for free on her every whim, shocked when she stands up for herself: “I’m not on call for your social life!”

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 20, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Ahoy, there, internet surfing sisters. Older siblings across space and time know what is feels like to be the free, designated babysitter. This is definitely okay in emergency situations, when babysitters cancel, or when parents plan to just take a quick trip to the store. However, kids have lives to live, too, and they should not be expected to be available for free childcare at their parent's every whim. Older kids need time to study, to socialize, and to engage in their hobbies without the constant responsibility of their siblings weighing on their backs.

In our story today, a young woman's life is constantly disrupted by her mother's last-minute demands to care for her 4-year old stepsister. Our empathetic protagonist understands her mother's struggle to hop back in the dating pool, but she is sick of having to clear her schedule every time she has a romantic evening planned. The tension between mother and daughter culminates one busy weekend; read all about it by scrolling down below!

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  • 01

    AITA for Telling My Mom I Won't Babysit My Sibling So She Can Go on Dates?

    She's made comments about how "ungrateful" I am and how "this generation doesn't care about family.” I tried to explain that I'm happy to help occasionally but not at the expense of my own life, and she said I'm being selfish.
    via capturenow

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (17F) have a 4-year-old half-sibling, "Emma," from my mom's second marriage. My mom divorced Emma's dad two years ago, and since then, she's been trying to get back into dating. I get it-she's young (early 40s) and deserves to have a life. But here's the problem: She keeps expecting me to be her built-in babysitter whenever she gets a date.
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 03
    At first, I agreed here and there because I thought it'd just be once in a while. But now, it feels like every weekend or random weekday evening, she's asking me to cancel plans or skip studying to watch
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10457156096
    via Andrea Piacquadio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    Emma so she can "put herself out there." I love Emma, but I'm not her parent. I have my own life, and I've told my mom multiple times that I don't want to be on-call for her social life.
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 06
    The breaking point happened last Friday. My mom told me on Thursday night that she had a date Friday evening, so I needed to watch Emma. I
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10457156608
    via Prostock-Studio

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    already had plans with my friends to go see a movie, so I told her no. She got super upset and said it's my "responsibility as the older sibling" to help out. I stood my ground and said she should either find a sitter or reschedule the date.
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 09
    She ended up cancelling her date and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. She's made comments about how "ungrateful" I am and how "this generation doesn't care about family." I tried to explain that I'm happy to help occasionally but not at the expense of my own life, and she said I'm being selfish.
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 10
    My friends say I'm right to set boundaries, but my mom's guilt trips are starting to get to me. AITA for refusing to babysit so she could go on a date?
    via u/elegantxchaarm
  • 11
    Professional-Peak525 Does she pay you to babysit? She should be. Especially if she's got the nerve to ask you to cancel plans. Watching her for free for small amounts of time or so she can do something for the house (like errands/groceries) is one thing but otherwise you need to be paid and also need to have the ability to say no without guilt. Anything less is nonsense.
    via u/Professional-Peak525
  • 12
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    via LeMusique

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Which_Revolution_449 Helping out occasionally out of goodwill is fine, but being expected to rearrange your life or provide free labor crosses the line.
    via u/Which_Revolution_449
  • 14
    SquirellyMofo She needs to be paying you. Going rate is $20/hr. And if she can afford that, she can afford a sitter.
    via u/SquirellyMofo
  • 15
    Puzzled Ad_9696 NTA. Seriously, this is WILD. Your mom's treating you like free labor. Babysitting is work, and your time is valuable. The whole older sibling responsibility thing is such a boomer take anyway. She needs to respect your boundaries, and you're totally right to have them.
    via u/Puzzled_Ad_9696
  • 16
    No_Possibility8423 Nta. Your mom is putting her needs above anyone else's. She is blatantly, disregarding herself as being a mother so that she can satisfy herself with dating. You have a life also and with you being at that age, you should be focusing on school and not being your mom's live in babysitter.
    via u/No_Possibility8423
  • 17
    FuzzySunshineGlow Exactly. The mom is being incredibly selfish and entitled. The OP is 17; she's not a professional babysitter. She has her own life and responsibilities. It's not the OP's job to enable her mom's dating life. The mom needs to take responsibility for her own childcare arrangements.
    via u/FuzzySunshineGlow
  • 18
    The guilt trips are manipulative. The OP is NTA for setting boundaries. It's healthy to prioritize her own needs. The mom needs to grow up and act like a responsible parent.
    via u/FuzzySunshineGlow
  • 19
    DreamExecutioner27 NTA. It is HER responsibility not yours! Just because she's divorced and still relatively young does not give her the right to put her sexual needs above you or your sister. Where is the father in all of this and why isn't Emma ever with him? You're 17 and never
    via u/DreamExecutioner27
  • 20
    gonna get this time back and I know that's with any age, but I'm nearing 40 and there's no time ever going to be quite like your teens. Your mom needs to ask her parents, ex, or pay someone if she wants to run around ducking her responsibilities
    via u/DreamExecutioner27
  • 21
    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA. Helping out occasionally is one thing, but you have every right to your own plans. Maybe ask around and see if any of your friends would like to babysit. Your mom has a toddler who is her responsibility. Why can't Emma's dad take care of her?
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
  • 22
    ΝΤΑ TarzanKitty She chose to have a child. It is solely her responsibility and the responsibility of the other parent. You have zero responsibility here.
    via u/TarzanKitty
  • 23
    SamantaSassy NTA. It's great to help family, but not at the cost of your own commitments and well-being. Your mom should understand that you have a life and responsibilities too. Boundaries are healthy, keep them up!
    via u/SamantaSassy
  • 24
    SolitaryTeaParty NTA. A once in a while request is one thing, but she's clearly taking advantage of you here, playing the family card to force you to give up your own life and plans because she doesn't feel like paying for a sitter.
    via u/SolitaryTeaParty
  • 25
    AdEmpty4390 Divorced mom here. My son was about 4 when I started dating. I quickly learned to figure out if a date was "sitter-worthy." 1. She should be asking you, not telling you. 2. She should be paying you for your time.
    via u/AdEmpty4390
  • 26
    One thing that worked for me when my son got a - little older he had friends with divorced or single parents, so the other parents and I would host each other's kids. Parents were able to have date nights, and the kids had a blast.
    via u/AdEmpty4390
  • 27
    lapsteelguitar You are behaving like the adult in this situation. You are wise in setting boundaries. If/when you babysit again, make sure you charge your mom market rates. NTA.
    via u/lapsteelguitar

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