Parents book vacation with 3-year-old daughter, sister-in-law protests and insists she and her mom should take her on holiday by herself: 'Those people are not suited to go on holiday alone with a child'

Having kids means you have to accept that you are going to be doing a lot of things differently, at least while they are young. This extends to the fun stuff as well as the day-to-day, and one big change that parents can struggle to adapt to is going on vacation. Most of the time, toddlers don't mix well with fancy spa resorts or meandering city breaks. Unless you are extremely organized (and probably a little crazy) that month-long tour of Southeast Asia isn't happening with baby on board.

Still, that doesn't mean that having a family has to destroy your chances of having an enjoyable holiday. Plenty of kids and adults alike enjoy playing in the pool and buying ice cream every day. So long as parents and any other adults joining them are willing to make n, it can be an experience that creates some fond memories for everyone involved.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    "Auntie thinks it's sad she can't go with you"
    via Vasiliki Theodoridou

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • This is something that one young family found themselves struggling with thanks to their extended relatives. When a man went on holiday with his wife, their 3-year-old daughter, his sister-in-law, and mother-in-law, the young parents found it difficult to balance what adults wanted to do versus what was best for their kid. 

    This led the couple to book another vacation that was just the three of them, something that the sister-in-law protested. This led to her trying to propose she and her mother take her niece on holiday alone, something her parents immediately vetoed. The man wondered if they had turned down a decent offer.

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    AITA for not letting my daughter (3F) go on holiday with my in-laws?

    We like to do a few short trips during school holidays instead of a big vacation once a year. SIL and MIL tagged along once on such a trip (1 week, sunny destination, 2 hours flight). Sister-in-law is now ped because we booked a new trip without her, according to her she also needs a vacation and we knew that.
    via Fun_Fact_1
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    The problem is, going on vacation together was fun, but more difficult than when I go on vacation with just my wife and daughter (3f). They do not take into account the fact that a child is on vacation with us. We arrange everything in terms of accommodation/activities so that we as parents have a nice vacation, but it is also fun for our daughter. Some extra planning and a certain structure in advance makes for an easier vacation with a child.
    via Fun_Fact_1
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    First SIL tried to manipulate or guilt trip our daughter (don't know the right word) to be allowed to go on vacation with us. "Why can't I go on holiday with you", "Auntie would also like to fly again", "Auntie thinks it's sad that she can't go with you" are just a few comments that I heard her say to our daughter. I explicitly told her that she shouldn't do that to a child and that it is also very hurtful for us and her. SIL's next idea blew me away: She suggested to a 3-year-old to go on holid
    via Fun_Fact_1
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  • 05
    Those people are also not suited to go on holiday alone with a child because they only think of themselves. Last time (daughter was 2) they were already nagging about the following things: Didn't want to go to lunch at 12.00 because they weren't hungry, didn't listen to the fact that daughter was hungry. Complaining because we didn't want to go to an evening market at 20.00 and we were already putting our daughter to bed. Didn't want to play in the pool because splashing water was too cold. Etc.
    via Fun_Fact_1
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    Not only were other people shocked at the idea, they also didn't trust the sister-in-law.

    Greedy_Literature_54 TELL SIL TO TAKE HER BROOM AND FLY ANYWHERE SHE DESIRES! You might also explain to her that you WILL keep YOUR DAUGHTER away from ANYONE that insists on putting wild notions in her head, such as going WITHOUT MOM AND DAD! Your daughter can't completely communicate her wants and needs in a way to impress upon SIL and MIL what she expects from you. You know her meal times and nap and bed times, they have shown you they don't CARE. Tell them maybe when she turns 18 but not to b
    via Greedy_Literature_54

    3-year-olds don't always react well to being left at daycare, let alone being taken away from their parents for a week-long vacation. Add to the equation a self-centered caregiver, and it's a recipe for disaster.

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    oliviamrow Imagine trying to keep people from feeding their hungry child on vacation, then demanding to take that child on vacation themselves. The audacity is astounding. How could they be trusted to feed the kid in a timely fashion even
    via oliviamrow
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  • 08
    woburnite NTA. "We both feel our daughter is too young to go on vacation without us." Period. If they keep up, "Asked and answered." Repeat as needed.
    via woburnite
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    Red-phone-box NTA - But you're not saying a lot about your wife's reaction to all this. It needs nipping in the bud right now, and she should be leading the way.
    via Red-phone-box
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    Fun Fact 1 OP My wife was not present when I heard her sister speak to our daughter. I told her this incident in the evening. She herself could not believe that her sister would propose such a thing and is very much against the idea. We have agreed to make it clear together at the next opportunity that we do not want her to go on holiday with us and that she can no longer propose that to a child.
    via Fun-Fact-1
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    Natenat04 ANYONE, read that again, ANYONE who tells secrets to your child, who tries to put a wedge between you and your child, and/or who uses psychological ab e like guilt and shame on your child, should NEVER have access to, or a relationship with your child. They are not safe people for your child. Period.
    via Natenat04
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    awkwardandroid NTA. Better to feel guilty than to have something happen to your toddler
    via awkwardandroid
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    Cursd818 ΝΤΑ You and your wife need to make a firm statement that their blatant attempts at manipulation are completely unacceptable and psychologically dangerous to your daughter's developing mind, and that if they repeat this behaviour, the visits will end. The second they start using manipulative language designed to make any of you feel guilty, you leave at once or hang up the phone. The only way they will learn not to do it is if there are immediate consequences which also protect your daug
    via Cursd818
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  • 14
    Formal-Emotion-7532 Uhhhh NTA, your family is 100000% allowed to go on vacation without them. The entitlement!!! As for your daughter going with them without you, she seems quite young for that. Seems like you need to set super clear boundaries with these people and not look back
    via Formal-Emotion-7532
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    gymngdoll NTA, and I'd address it with her as if I'm dealing with a complete idiot: "I don't know if you realize this, but daughter is 3 years old, not 30, and does not make her own decisions about where she goes on holiday or with who. Those decisions are made by her parents, and if you don't stop emotionally manipulating our 3 year old to try to get what YOU want then you won't have access to her any further."
    via gymngdoll
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    appleblossom 1962 NTA let's face it in all honesty once we have children, especially when they're that little our lives pretty much revolve around them. Children thrive on routine, when you're on vacation, you need to be extra patient with them because they're excited, just like at Christmas time. You need to be sensitive to the little ones needs. Doesn't sound like SIL is very interested in doing that. She just wants to go have fun. Maybe she and MIL should go on a vacation just the two of them
    via appleblossom1962
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    Fun Fact 1 OP Thanks, nice to hear! Structure and planning sounds boring, but it is necessary for a good holiday. It works for us, they don't see it at all. My MIL has two children, but seems to have already forgotten what it's like to take care of small kids. SIL is single, has no children and is already overstimulated after a few hours at family gatherings. Better that they take a holiday under the two of them.
    via Fun_Fact_1
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    Panic AtTheGaslight YTA for even contemplating allowing your child to go on vacation with these a holes and for continuing to allow them around your child after the sh they've pulled. Frankly, you and your wife need to shut this nonsense down WAY harder. Your wife needs to tell both of them that if they EVER pull this sh about asking/whinging to your daughter about your decisions that they will NEVER be allowed near your daughter again. Your 3 year old doesn't make the decisions about vacations,
    via PanicAtTheGaslight
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    fancyandfab Even if they could be trusted, NTA. But, they definitely don't sound like people that can care for a toddler. They did poorly when you were there to guide them. It will be worse without you. Do you and your wife pay for them or something?? Why can't they just book their own vacation?
    via fancyandfab
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    theoldman-1313 It sounds like the previous trip was so exhausting because you were trying to do it with 3 children, not just your own. You might want to share that insight with your MIL & SIL. However, why are you giving SIL access to your child? She should be NC after her actions. You have not mentioned your MIL doing anything shady so I don't see the need to cut her off from your daughter right now, but I do recommend monitoring their interactions. Also I am interested why your SIL is so insis
    via theoldman-1313
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    Slightlysanemomof5 Calmly explain to SIL that she is welcome to vacation any time and place she wants to visit. Your vacation is for your family, a one time treat does not mean SIL/MIL are included in all travel plans. Tell your child Auntie is being silly and what a great imagination! Then tell SIL contact is now low until she can get her entitlement in check. When your child is in teens a trip with SIL/MIL will be discussed. NTA
    via Slightlysanemomof5
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    Leather-Drop1079 NTA. But your SIL is. Manipulating a child in that way is despicable. She can go on her own vacation (or with MIL if she's not old enough to go alone - this story gives major "frontal lobe not fully developed"-vibes), why does she need to go with your daughter? It doesn't sound like she even really likes being on vacation with a child (whose needs oftentimes need to be put above the ones of the adults). And if she's already guilt tripping your child now, imagine how she'll be on
    via Leather-Drop1079
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  • 23
    Jodenaje NTA If SIL needs a vacation, she can take one. Anywhere she chooses. It's weird that she thinks she needs to be with your family or take your 3 year d just so she can "have a vacation." Want a vacation? She can take whatever vacation is within her budget!
    via Jodenaje
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    hexagon_heist NTA and time to take a break from these people. You need a vacation from their meddling. Cut them off for a couple weeks and see if they've cooled down.
    via hexagon_heist
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    Spare_Ad5009 Tell your wife to handle it. They are her family and you are the in- law. Tell her to bore them with "No." Whatever they say, she answers no. If they say, "Why not?" "No." "Don't you want the to have a closer relationship?" "No. Goodbye."
    via Spare_Ad5009
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    Disastrous-Nail-640 NTA You say nothing. Be done discussing it. You said no. As the parents, the conversation is over. Also, the next time SIL mentions how she needs or would a vacation, simply look at her and remind her that there's nothing stopping her from taking one.
    via Disastrous-Nail-640

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