Step-grandma insists on pink-themed surprise party for 5-year-old despite her instance she hates the color, mom takes her home: 'We’re not coming. We’re taking the kids to McDonalds'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Jan 28, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Really, the whole point of giving gifts and doing favors for people is to show them that you've considered them and how much they mean to you. You're doing something for them that shows your understanding and appreciation of them and themselves. It's supposed to be a reflection of themselves through your eyes, not a chance for you to shape them into who you think they should be. Of course, as with anything, there are ways that the misguided and ill-intended to misconstrue this and make the act of gift-giving about themselves. You know how this goes: Like giving your wife a vacuum cleaner for her birthday when she asked for jewelry. You're not really thinking about them, you're thinking of yourself.

Absolute insistence on what someone should want or what they should be will only earn you one thing: lifelong disdain and dissatisfaction, which will only end with them distancing themselves as far away from you as possible, if not now, eventually.

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    Cheezburger Image 10460464128
    via Alejandro Ortiz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • It was a bit like that in this situation that was shared in this story about how this mother's father's partner (it's a mouthful, so we're just going to call her "step-grandma") insisted on pushing the color pink, a stereotypical "girl color," on this young 5-year-old girl despite her repeated insistence that she hated it. The step-grandma kept ignoring the girl's wishes culminating with her throwing a surprise party for the girl that was themed in, you guessed it, pink. When the girl's mother found out, she decided that they wouldn't be attending and offered an alternative meeting place instead.

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    Cheezburger Image 10460463872
    via Jason Leung

  • See the story below as it was originally shared with this online community, where the mother shared her take and perspective of the events in order to see whether or not she was in the wrong for not taking her daughter to the party and whether she was to blame for the anger that followed.

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    "AITA for refusing to take my daughter to "her" birthday party?"

    My (33F) daughter "Cleo" (5yo) hates pink. She has disliked the color and almost everything to do with it since she was about three or so. She has one pink shirt she likes and one pink stuffed animal, and that's it. My father's partner, "Prue," refuses to accept that Cleo doesn't like pink. Over the years, she's made several attempts to push the color onto her (pretty much every gift she's ever given her was some shade of pink), no matter how many times I tell her to stop. She has tried to give
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    About a week ago, my father invited me, my husband and our children for dinner at his place. He said he and Prue had a surprise for the kids. Right before we left home, my younger sister (who still lives with our father) texted me. She warned me that the "surprise" was actually a small birthday party Prue had planned for Cleo. That alone threw me off, because my daughter's birthday was in November. My father did miss her actual birthday party due to work, but still. Also, my son turns 9 in March
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    Then she sent me photos of how the place was decorated, and it very clearly wasn't actually meant for Cleo. Literally every piece of decor was pink. The table, the tableware, the balloons, everything. She had gotten pink banners and glued pink foil fringe curtains on the doors. Even the cake was pink.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    I showed everything to my husband, and we agreed not to take the kids there. I texted my father the following: "Hey, (sister) told me everything. We're not coming. We're taking the kids to McDonalds and telling them that was your surprise. You and Prue can come if you want, we're paying."
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    We did exactly that. My father did show up (without Prue), but he was cold with us and left 20 minutes after arriving. Both him and Prue are p ed. My father is angry that my husband and I dismissed his partner's "heartfelt gesture" towards our daughter. Prue also told me that I'm the reason Cleo is "restrictive" (I also don't like pink), and I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    To be honest, I get how I could be in the wrong here. But at the same time, this just felt like Prue trying to push something Cleo doesn't like onto her yet again. My sister and one of my brothers are on my side (though my sister did say I had been ride). My other brother is on the fence. AITA?
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I didn't take my daughter to her surprise birthday party because I knew she wouldn't enjoy it. I understand those actions could be seen as r de to my father's partner, who planned it.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    hadMcDofordinner 11h ago • NTA You handled it well, and avoided the worst. You were not r de so much as clear that you would not let Prue manipulate you/your daughter. Your father is the weakest link here. He should be reeling in Prue's pink obsession, not encouraging it. Tell your father and Prue that there are things more important than the color pink in this world and that if they cannot stop giving pink to your daughter, then they should stop giving, period.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    . tinyd71 11h ago I'm not sure that Prue's efforts were "a heartfelt gesture"! Her insistence on pink seems to be more about Prue than about Cleo. Does Prue have children of her own? I would think that most people who've had some exposure to children know that they go through phases of liking, loving, or disliking things, and that you can't really force things on them if they don't like them.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    Your father and Prue really aren't hearing you/Cleo. The party wasn't for Cleo, so not attending doesn't seem any worse than throwing a party for someone when you know they'll hate it! NTA
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    SolmaRedditUserNow . 11h ago Your story is bizarre. It is unclear to me why anyone would be pressing a color on another person. Prue seems rather unhinged. And to have a birthday party 2 months after an actual birthday is... weird. Has anyone ever asked her why this is something she is utterly insistent upon? Does Prue have any of her own kids or grandkids?
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    Anyway, you're not an a h le for not going I suppose. You are kind of an a hole for throwing your sister under the bus, but then I can't imagine that they wouldn't deduce how you found out about the decor after 3 seconds (if she hadn't already told them she was telling you). Anyway, NTA.
    via DaughterPartyThrow
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    . pottersquash 11h ago NTA. I'm raising her to be an ungrateful, spoiled brat who is unwilling to compromise. When that comes from an AH like Prue, you get 75 additional Parenting Points to spend. You saved your kid from what would've been a traumatic experience at worst, a demoralizing experience where they have to bite their tongue, walk on egg shells the entire time to remain civil at best. Which is not a lesson a 5 year old needs from grandpa's house.
    via DaughterPartyThrow

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family dynamics family drama stepmother aita AITAH kids blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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