18-year-old cancels trip to visit best friend for her birthday after best friend claims she'd rather spend the day on the phone with her long-distance boyfriend: ‘I feel disrespected’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Feb 5, 2025 7:00 PM EST

As soon as you are out of high school, you realize how hard it is to maintain friendships with the people who were once your closest friends. If you are not forced to physically be in the same place as them for 8 hours a day, it somehow becomes almost impossible to see them more than a few times a year.

I recently decided to cut a friend out of my life because I could not continue chasing her in an attempt to get together. Almost immediately after high school she got married, moved to a different city and now has a kid, which means that she never has free time, and is barely out of her house. I got tired of always being the one who makes an effort to catch up, and even though I know it's not really personal, well, it's still hard not to take it personally. 

Instead of carrying the burden of that friendship with me, I decided to let it go, and it might be exactly what the girl in the story below needs as well.  

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  • After her best friend started dating someone she met online, it seems like she became somewhat of a third wheel. However, she still decided to make an effort and visit her best friend on her birthday, only to be met with insulting responses from both the best friend and her boyfriend.

    This led her to cancel the trip, which only caused more friendship drama…

  • 01
    "I wanted to visit her, not just be a third wheel"
    via S O C I A L . C U T
  • 02

    "AITA for having my best friend‘s parents cancel my plane tickets to visit her for her 18th birthday"

    I'm an 18-year-old female. My best friend, Sarah, started dating someone online a few months ago, and it has changed our relationship dynamic. We've
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 03
    been arguing frequently due to misunderstandings. I asked her parents if I could fly up to see her for her birthday, and they paid for the tickets despite my offer
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 04
    to cover it myself. However, Sarah told me she planned to spend most of her time on the phone with her boyfriend and might kick me out of her room. This
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 05
    on the phone with her boyfriend and might kick me out of her room. This made me reconsider the trip, as I wanted to visit her, not just be a third wheel.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 06
    After a misunderstanding, she clarified that she would call him during downtime and spend holidays with him, which seemed fair. We hung up, but then her
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 07
    boyfriend texted me (he already had my number) about Sarah having a bad day and said my uncertainty about visiting made it worse. I felt this was
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 08
    inappropriate and told him to mind his business. Sarah then told me I couldn't speak to him that way and that she had given him permission to text me the message.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 09
    I was shocked and explained that he crossed a boundary. She responded that her business was his, which made me feel disrespected. I had her parents cancel my tickets,
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 10
    but I expressed gratitude for their support. I felt uncomfortable visiting, especially with the potential for further arguments and disrespect for my boundaries.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 11
    Sarah defended her boyfriend, saying he was just trying to help and that she really wanted me there for her birthday. She was upset that I won't be there, expressing that it hurt her
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 12
    deeply, especially since she had fought her dad for months to be able to visit me (though he ultimately said no). I reminded her that I had to remind her about
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 13
    my own birthday during a busy time when she was moving. She said it will take a long time for her to get over the hurt of me choosing not to visit.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 14
    I think I might be the ah le because at the end of the day it is her 18th birthday and I don't want her to hold this over my head.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 15
    I don't want to be in an environment where I might argue again, and I'd rather focus on my own life and obligations. Given the situation, do you think I did
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 16
    anything wrong? AITA for canceling my trip to see my best friend for her 18th birthday?
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 17
    Independent_Tie_4984 NTA She has made it clear it will sk for you if you go and that she expects you to go anyway.
    via Independent_Tie_4984
  • 18
    Saying "No, I'd rather not" is a super power when everything about a situation is telling you not to do something and the boyfriend texting you with her permission is super cringe.
    via Independent_Tie_4984
  • 19
    I kept in contact with only one person I knew when I was your age and have no regrets Friends come and go throughout your life and you'll make more friends that are better by focusing on people
    via Independent_Tie_4984
  • 20
    that respect and genuinely care about you. Your friend is being a total ah le.
    via Independent_Tie_4984
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10463118592
    via angelica labrador

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 22
    Mysterious_Win_2051 Am I the only one thinking that there is really no boyfriend and that the best friend is texting OP like she is a guy that really doesn't exist? NTA
    via Mysterious_Win_2051
  • 23
    Equivalent-Bluejay52 OP lol that would be funny haha. But no, I know for certain that the boyfriend does exist as I've spoken to him over call before and that is his number
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 24
    Ririkkaru NTA but how old is this online boyfriend? Has she met him in real life? Do her parents know about him? The whole thing seems shady
    via Ririkkaru
  • 25
    Equivalent-Bluejay52 OP He's 18 and she's 17. No, she hasn't met him in real life, we have seen him on video calls before. I'm very cautious of online relationships but he seems to check out.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 26
    No, her parents don't know about him. They know of him but not to the extent
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 27
    curvycurly Had to scroll too long for an ESH take. OP I don't think you understand what boundaries are as you keep using that term incorrectly. Her bf texting you isn't crossing a boundary unless
    via curvycurly
  • 28
    you've stated previously you don't want him texting you. You both sound immature. I think you need to back off a little and give your friend and friendship some space.
    via curvycurly
  • 29
    Equivalent-Blueja... OP I feel like there are some boundaries that are given. For example, you don't just come into another persons room— especially one you don't know ―without nocking.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 30
    You don't text your girlfriends best friend about her private relationship with your girlfriend, either confronting or defending your girlfriend especially after a resolution has been reached
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 31
    Usrname52 How long have you known Sarah, and how long have you lived a plane ride away from her? Also, did you talk to her about visiting before you called her parents? Why were you the one reaching out to her parents?
    via Usrname52
  • 32
    Equivalent-Blueja... OP I've known her for the better part of 7 years. She moved states about 3 years ago. So we have been long distance friends for at least 3 years.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 33
    Yes, I definitely talked to her before messaging them. She wanted me to speak to them as she herself wasn't getting through to them to allow me to come. I spoke with them because she wasn't able to convince them.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52
  • 34
    For the past 3 years it has been a yearly tradition that I visit for her birthday. That's another. reason why I felt more comfortable to ask them, as it was a more common thing for us and I'm pretty close with her family.
    via Equivalent-Bluejay52

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