“You’re abandoning him”: Aunt refuses to pay nephew’s college tuition after he fails to meet her excessive expectations, his mother gets involved and a sisterly feud erupts

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    "He needs to meet all my conditions or I'm not paying" COLLEGE KB46279860 I By 100
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    I (29F) married into money a few years ago. My family isn't wealthy, but my husband's side is, my husband owns a rather successful business and we are very comfortable with a very sizable bank account. My sister (38F) has a son, Jake (18M), who's been talking about going to college for
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    a while, he keeps saying he wants to be a doctor. The issue is, my sister can't afford to send him. She's a single mom, and I totally understand the financial struggles she's facing.
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    Knowing my sister's situation, I told her that I'd be willing to help Jake with his college expenses, as long as he met a few conditions. I didn't want to just hand over the money without some responsibility attached. So, I laid out three conditions for Jake to meet before I'd commit to paying:
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    1. He would need to work part- time (20 hours a week). 2. He would need to complete 80 hours of community service each year. (I myself volunteer at a food pantry and have offered him a volunteer position every few months when we need extra volunteers.)
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    3. He needed to maintain a grade average of 75 or higher.
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    I didn't think these were unreasonable, and I made sure to explain this to Jake, my sister, and even my husband. I wanted to set expectations so that everyone was clear about the deal. My husband was automatically on board. We are child free so don't have
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    anybody else we would pay for college for and my nephew would need the help.
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    However, as the application deadlines are approaching, it's become clear that Jake isn't meeting these qualifications. His GPA is under the cutoff at 72, he's only been working 10 hours week, and he hasn't completed any community service hours at all. I've tried to talk to him about it
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    multiple times, and he keeps promising to do better but hasn't made any real changes.
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    B N M all option COLLEGE APPLICATION Personal Information Name (Last) Address (Mailing Address) E-Mail Address (Middle Initial) Home Telephone (First) (City) tate) (Zip) Passed? Yes No Other Telephone
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    With the deadlines looming, I told my sister that I won't be paying for his college education unless he meets the conditions I set. She's furious with me and says I'm being too harsh and that I should just help him regardless of whether he meets the conditions.
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    She feels like I'm abandoning him when he needs help the most. She also accused me of holding a "financial carrot" over his head in a way that's manipulative.
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    I understand her frustration, but I feel like I've been reasonable. I don't want Jake to just coast through life without putting in any effort. He's old enough to understand responsibility, and these conditions seem fair to me.
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    My husband agrees with me, but my sister says I'm a cold-hearted aunt and that the threat of student loan debt will make Jake's grades worse. I feel like I gave him a fair opportunity. My sister has been texting me every couple of hours trying to guilt me into paying. AITA for not being willing to pay?
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    Edit: I have been asked to edit my post by a few comments 1.) My sister came to me and asked me to pay for my nephew's college. We sat down in his junior year and talked about it.
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    2.) I gave him 3 choices. 75 average, working 20 hours. 80 average working 15 hours. 85 average working 10 hours. He chose the lower grade option. 3.) I work and all of the money I will be paying for his education will be coming from my personal account and not my husband's.
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    4.) I based the parameters on what I did as a teenager. 20hrs of work a week, 100 community service hours and I maintained a 93 average and extracariculars. 5.) My Nephew is in his senior year of high school.
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    Snackinpenguin • 5h ago Consistently working 20 hours a week as a high school student is aggressive especially if you expect him to keep his grades up. You're either working 2 x 8 hour shifts on weekends plus a 4
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    hour weeknight night, or some combination with multiple weeknight shifts.
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    OwnFox2286 5h ago 20 hours is a bit too much for a kid just yet. along with the community service. If he is just slacking then of course. stop offering to help but if he is actually trying then maybe lower the hours and community service
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    Strange-Badger7263 • 5h ago Very very slight YTA A really nice one for the offer but expecting a student to go to class (36 hours) do their homework to get good grades (5 hours) volunteer (1.5 hours) and work (20
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    hours) is a lot (62.5 hours a week) it is more than most full time employees work. The point of paying for a kids school is so they don't have to work so they can concentrate on their studies.

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