Couple’s godchildren get dumped on them, the wife wants to put them up for adoption, but he puts his foot down: “I knew you’d change your mind about having kids”

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  • 01
    "I've never been more disappointed in her"
  • 02
    My wife and I are both 27. We got married at 21 (I know that's young). We never wanted kids and agreed to it.
  • 03
    In August, my wife's sister and her husband died. We minded their kids (6 and 3) since. She is a godmother to the 6 year old and I'm a godfather to the 3 year old. We had a really good relationship with the couple. Her husband was my pub/football buddy etc.
  • 04
    We recently were asked our intentions with the kids. We had a huge fight. She wants to put them in care but I don't. Financially we are very good. No debt. Own our home (inherited). I have a successful business. She has been very successful so far in her job etc.
  • 05
    She said she doesn't want to be tied down to kids. I said it wouldn't have been my first choice but they are family.
  • 06
    She said I knew you'd change your mind on kids. I was like I didn't change my mind, the circumstances changed. I asked her if she didn't see a duty to them she said no. She said they'll get a family maybe with kids already in the home and they will be better off. And I said if they don't get a family or if they get a family that isn't great.
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  • 08
    She said I'm not minding them. The bills in your court she said. I asked if shes 100% certain. She said yeah. I was honestly shocked and said I've never been more disappointed in her. She said likewise.
  • 09
    We have never argued ever - maybe a fun argument over what show to watch. We arent even talking. We still give each other a morning kiss and cuddle but that's about it.
  • 10
    Selfishly there's a tiny part of me wondering if she would feel any responsibility to me if something happened to me. I know that's unfair. I also find it incredibly heartless. The eldest still cries many nights. You can see the sadness in him. To say into care you go.. au revoir. It's mindblowing to me.
  • 11
    Just for balance. I do love her and she is a great woman. AITAH Edit: 1. Let's not be at my wife. She has even through a lot. Disagree but some of the language is disgusting.
  • 12
    2. If you think it's "Al cr_p" then move on. I'm sick of seeing it. I've enough to be dealing with without you spamming that. 3. God parent =/= guardian where we live. My godparents wouldn't have been my legal guardian. But we are family.
  • 13
    Another edit: I'm logging off so wont be answering. I hoped for a bit of help etc. The spamming was just too much. I suppose don't look for advice from online. Thanks to the people who were kind even if they don't agree with my ultimate decision being to prioritise my wife. Sorry if I didn't reply.
  • 14
    Plastic_Bet_6172 • 18h ago NAH. Yet. Would you be willing to parent these children without your wife? If so, then it's time to talk to a lawyer. If not, then it's time to talk to a couples counselor.
  • 15
    If you are determined to be these children's parent, you will be doing it alone. Your wife has made it clear there are zero circumstances under which she wants to be a parent. You will wind up either divorced, or the children will grow up knowing they are unwanted orphans.
  • 16
    If you are not willing to parent these children alone, you're still going to have to deal with that. You're going to resent her until the decision sits right with you, and that might be never.
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    complete_doodle • 18h ago INFO: Is there nobody else that can take the kids? You're young what about the sister's parents, or the BIL's parents? Other siblings? Uncles/aunts? I'm confused on why foster care seems to be the only other option.
  • 19
    sjd208 17h ago OP how much of the - logistics of having small children are you managing? Dressing, feeding, taking them to and from school/daycare. House cleaning and laundry, It's a constant grind and you can barely hear yourself think when they're at this age.
  • 20
    Speaking as a parent of 4, it really gets easier once they're all over 5/6 though I know that's a few years away. Basically, if you can afford to "throw money at the problem", arrange for it ASAP.
  • 21
    Can you take the lead on reaching out to other family members, friends and babysitters for respite care so she can have alone time and you can have couple time? Have you gotten any government resources you may be entitled to in place? In the US, social security survivor
  • 22
    benefits and kinship/foster care benefits, there may be something similar in your country. Do not tell her you're disappointed, instead try to approach this as a collaboration on how you can make this situation work.
  • 23
    Adding guilt to her grief is terrible and makes you the AH.

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