Man secretly outbids his in-laws to avoid having them as neighbors, he tells only his brother, who alludes to spilling his secrets: “She doesn’t want them as neighbors either”

Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for secretly outbidding my in-laws for a house on our block?

    E "The in-laws raged against the 'mystery person' who gazumped them"
  • 02
    My wife has a somewhat difficult relationship with her parents. The usual stuff you see on this sub: lack of respect for boundaries, bossiness, unsolicited opinions about personal choices. She has a hard time pushing back, in part because she is a natural people- pleaser, and in part because her
  • 03
    parents paid for her long and expensive education. I don't have big issues with them, but then I don't have any problem saying no to my elders, having left home for college at 16 and having become pretty wealthy before 30.
  • 04
    WE (with two young kids) moved far from her parents a few years ago, and some distance helped the relationship. In-laws split their time between my wife's natal city and California. Recently, MIL finally retired, and they started making noises about selling their primary residence and buying near us. Until fairly recently, though, it seemed like no more than a velleity.
  • 05
    A few weeks ago, a house two doors down from us -- we live in a somewhat secluded neighborhood with few houses and low turnover - - went on the market. In-laws excitedly told us they were putting a bid in. Their sense of entitlement extends to real estate and they put in a low bid full of conditions. Still,
  • 06
    my wife was very worried. She does not want them as neighbors. Neither do I, nor do I want to see a rare modest home in our area go to a part-time resident, when housing is scarce here.
  • 07
    I quickly formed an LLC and bid full ask. I can afford it. It was accepted, we close shortly, and I plan to rent it out (rental housing is very hard to find here) and leave management to an agency. I did NOT tell my wife. Our finances are mostly separate. I did not want to put her in a position where she
  • 08
    would have to lie to her parents or reveal what would be taken as a very provocative action.
  • 09
    The in-laws raged against the "mystery person who gazzumped them", the seller, the realtor. I just nodded sympathetically. I've told no one but my brother. He told me it was a AH move. That surprised me, so I am wondering what outside observers think of what I did.
  • 10
    Update: Thanks for all the helpful comments! Few things to clarify. 1. Quite sure ny brother won't spill the beans. He hasn't seen my In-laws in years and he is not the type to go bring it up with my wife. His objection is more that it will do more longterm good to "have it
  • 11
    out" with the inlaws and I'm avoiding the core problem. 2. The agency has been instructed only to rent full- time residents. The idea being that it is dangerous to leave the house completely unoccupied for long stretches.
  • 12
    That should exclude my in- laws. But that said they aren't the types to rent they like to do things exactly to their specification. 3. I made a lot of money before I met my wife. That's entirely separate. We share the other stuff. I paid using the separate resources. That said, my wife
  • 13
    shows very little interest in our investments and in practice leaves it entirely to me. 4. The comments have made me think that I need to find a way to disclose this to my wife. I'm going to give some thought to the how and the when and
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10464792320
  • 15
    I'll try to update everyone when it happens.
  • 16
    Beneficial-Job8782 • 7d ago NTA - It was a smart move tbh. It's better to stay away from toxic people. Your in- laws would probably be constantly in your wife's face, criticizing her or saying mean things and it will definitely affect her mental health tbh.
  • 17
    . Longjumping-Set6145 7d ago Not only are not an AH, you are a real life hero! I salute you.
  • 18
    Initial-Shop-8863 • 7d ago NTA., and for all of those saying you should tell your wife, don't tell her until her parents have found somewhere else to live. Or have passed on. Because otherwise she will tell her parents, either accidentally or
  • 19
    just in conversation, and they will want to rent the house from you. Pushy, intrusive people never give up.
  • 20
    grayblue_grrl •7d ago NTA. Your brother doesn't understand bad in-laws. You did the sane reasonable thing. BTW "natural people-pleaser"
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10464792576
  • 22
    People pleasing is a trauma response, especially if it means making yourself smaller and less. Invest in therapy for your wife.
  • 23
    tetcheddistress • 7d ago NTA if I had the money, and was smart enough, I would love to be able to do the exact same thing.
  • 24
    Altruistic-Bunny • 7d ago Your money, your decision on how to invest it, that is without any in-law drama. Consider the in-laws, excellent move, including keeping your wife in the dark. If you tell your wife anything keep it to -
  • 25
    hey, I added some property to my investment portfolio, i think it will really pay off in retirement. Add if asked - it is being managed by professionals so we get the most out of it. NTA

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article