Roommate gives roommate a key to shared apartment, allowing her access when no one else is home despite other roommate's wishes: 'I made it really clear that I don't want her moving in'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 10, 2025 6:00 PM EST

In the world we live in now, it's hard to find a place to live all to yourself. Rents are too expensive to be living alone, so that's why so many people end up having to find a roommate. Besides, if you're moving to a new place, it's good to have a built-in friend as soon as you get there, anyway. Part of having a roommate is maintaining good roommate etiquette, and it's good to find someone whose lifestyle lines up well with yours. Are you a messy person? Are you a night owl? These are all things that might make a difference in helping you to choose the person you'll be sharing your living space with.
 

If you live with someone long enough, you're sure to get a full understanding of their quirks and habits. Sometimes, however, a person can surprise us, even years into living with them. One man experienced just that, when his roommate of five years got a new girlfriend and suddenly spent all his time with her. So, is it in this man's right to draw some boundaries as to when his roommate's girlfriend can be in the house? Or do they both have the right to do what they want with the space they're paying for?

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    Cheezburger Image 10464998656
    via nathanfertig
  • 02

    "I told my roommate to not let his girlfriend come over alone"

    My housemate and I have lived together for 5 years now in one apartment and he recently got a girlfriend. They are absolutely attached at the hip and maybe spend 1 day every fortnight apart.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 03

    First red flag: codependency

    (They spend a few days at our house, a few days at the girlfriends family's house) Housemate asked if he could give the girlfriend a key in case she gets to the house before him. I said yeah that's fine, but I made it clear that she isn't like moving in or anything. He said yep absolutely not that's all good.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 04
    Recently I'll get home from work and the girlfriend is just at there while my housemate is at work/uni for the entire day alone. Like 5-10 hours chilling in his room. It happened a few times and I was pretty frustrated, it's just really awkward. She's polite and keeps
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 05
    awkward. She's polite and keeps to herself but I made it really clear that I don't want her moving in. She doesn't pay rent or anything and I really don't want to live with a couple. I brought it up with my housemate and he seemed pretty surprised about it. He's a very
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 06
    surprised about it. He's a very caring guy and said it was fine and he'd tell her not to do that again. Still feels like they are a bit resentful of me though... was this an reasonable request? Is my housemate allowed to have whoever he wants over whenever?
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 07

    People in the comments took this poster's side.

    FAULKNER
    via Patrick Perkins
  • 08
    You were totally fair. It's your space too, and having her there all day is awkward. You set clear boundaries, so they should respect that.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 09
    You should examine your lease and see what it says (if anything) about guests. There may be time limits imposed. And if she's over so often, is your roommate paying more for your utilities (or rent, if utilities are included) since she's using them, too?
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 10
    Totally reasonable request. You really don't know her and you have the right to security of yourself and your stuff in your apartment. If your friend wants to get that involved with her this quickly, perhaps. he should think about moving out and letting you find a new roommate.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 11
    It is strategic to be somewhat territorial. If GF gets too comfortable, it will occur to both her and roommate, when their relationship is ready to take the next step, that the thing that makes the most sense is for OP to move out and for GF to move in full time and for the two of them to take over the apartment.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 12
    If OP doesn't want to move out, he needs to make it clear that this won't be in the cards. This is a good way to start. NTA.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 13

    Girlfriends could always be nefarious.

    NTA. Not to be a Debbie Downer, and awkwardness aside, in this day and age it's probably not wise to have her there when he's not home. I would request for the key back and she can knock (when he's home) like a normal person.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 14
    Friend of mine bought a house and always had a couple of roommates until he got married. The rule was (and he abided) that no significant others around when tenants weren't there. Made it easy.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 15
    Let your roommate know you will be telling her to leave if she is there more than thirty minutes ahead of him. And sadly you better start looking for other living situations - the writing is on the wall.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 16

    Someone asked an important question.

    NTA but curious, Is it at all a money thing like she's getting a free ride? If your roommate were to pay 2/3 the rent would it be okay then?
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 17
    Possibly a little harsh, but totally reasonable to not want a third person unofficially living there.
    via strugglingmydudes
  • 18
    NTA. If he's not home she should not be there.
    via strugglingmydudes

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