25-year-old father of 2 gets angry at 19-year-old first date for not wanting to date someone who has kids, claims younger women like experienced men: 'I don’t even see my kids that often. I was baby trapped. I have it way harder than you'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 9, 2025 1:00 PM EST

I used to laugh about people being inflammatory about age-gap relationships. It wasn't that I was the foolish 20-year-old who thought that I really had a future with a 35-year-old: I just hated when people acted silly about perfectly normal age gaps. I dated a 19-year-old sophomore when I was a 22-year-old senior in college, and for some reason, that really made me feel like a creep despite it being literally so normal. 

While hyperbolic age-gap talk is a big trend in Gen Z, there is some truth to the idea that it might be a pretty bad idea to date someone in a totally different stage of life as you. I wouldn't bat an eye at a 25-year-old dating a 35-year-old, but an 18-year-old dating a 28-year-old (or even someone older than 22) is often cause for alarm. That's not always the case, but it's a good rule of thumb that if someone consistently tries to date someone younger than them, it's probably because people their own age won't have them. 

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  • The 25-year-old in this story doesn't just have one red flag. He took a tour of the plant where they make red flags, stole at least 5 of them, and made a garment out of them to wear on his 1st date with this 19-year-old woman. 

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10465281024
    via Irene Strong

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for not dating a single dad, even if he's a victim?

    I(19F) recently went on a date with a guy, Ben (25M), after meeting through mutual friends. He was nice enough at first but I found out he has two kids. One is 7M, which means he became a dad at 18 with a 19 year old and the other is 2M.
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 03
    I've always known I don't want to date someone with kids. There was nothing wrong with him as a person but I just couldn't see myself in that situation long- term.I'm not particularly a fan of kids. If I have my own someday, we'll see, but that's not happening anytime soon. However, I don't think I could handle being a stepmother.
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 04
    After our first date, he messaged me saying he really liked me and wanted to see me again. I politely told him I didn't think it would work out. That's when he started pressuring me for a reason. He
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 05
    said he thought we clicked so well, we had the same interests, and he didn't understand why I was saying no. I tried to keep it vague at first, but he kept pushing, so I finally told him I wasn't comfortable dating someone with kids.
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10465286656
    via Kamran Abdullayev

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    That set him off.He started saying things like how he thought younger girls liked experienced men and that I was being judgmental. Then he said he didn't plan for any of this to happen and asked "Don't you
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 08
    think I'm a victim? I was just a dumb kid when I had my first and the second one was a surprise.l don't even see his kids that often and that we wouldn't have any problems.I was baby trapped.l have it way harder than you"
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 09
    At that point, I was done.I didn't reply to him anymore. The mutual friends who set us up, he told them. They said I was being judgmental. Nobody these days cares about how many baby mamas someone has or about being a stepmom. I told them I just don't see myself in that position. My friend said they understand but that I should still apologize to Ben.
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 10
    So, should I do it? I don't think I'm wrong, but my friends say my apologizing would make peace for their relationship with Ben too.AITA?
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10465285888
    via Kyle Broad

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    Fluffy-Pollution-998 • 9h ago NTA. He played the Victim card for sympathy. Red flag. Dont allow your friends to set you up anymore.
    via u/Fluffy-Pollution-998
  • 13
    Redd1tmadesignup Right, been scratching my head at that one. So he had unprotected s had two kids and he's the victim?!? Nah she just needs to ignore everyone who says she being judgemental, he's just a tool.
    via u/Redd1tmadesignup
  • 14
    BellaBeries He needs to own his decisions instead of deflecting blame. Dating a guy with kids when you're not interested is completely valid. Don't apologize!
    via u/BellaBeries
  • 15
    Icyblue_Dragon Also, she's 19. I doubt there are many 19 year olds who say "yeah let's be a stepmom!". Expecting that from her is ridiculous. She obviously would not be in the wrong whatever age she was but it's especially laughable because of her age.
    via u/Icyblue_Dragon
  • 16
    BloodOfHell42 Also, if he was a « dumb kid » at 18 yo from his view as a 25 yo, it says too much about how he views her who's a 19 yo. He's not a victim at all, but he surely searches for women who will become one because of him. (And we can't say it enough : « no » is a complete answer, just him pressuring her is a big red flag)
    via u/BloodOfHell42
  • 17
    Sesshou_17 Just by the title, I was already imagining that the guy suffered some kind of ab_e or that he was deceived, that the woman had broken the condom or that he thought he was with someone, but he was with someone else, or that he was abused as a child, but he's not just a big idiot, he's a victim because he's a father, that's sh. This is all because you shouldn't like using a condom. The Op would end up in this relationship pregnant and with him running
    via u/Sesshou_17
  • 18
    Suggestion Medical736 NTA. I would stay away from a single-mom too, and I am ten years older than you. No 19-year-old should be dating a man with children.
    via u/SuggestionMedical736
  • 19
    leyavin "And he doesn't see his kids that often anyway" this isn't the flex he thought it was. He basically told her: "I don't take contraception that seriously and if you happen to get pregnant? Better learn that single mom skill now, lol"
    via u/leyavin
  • 20
    And even IF she would be okay with that setup the status quo can change quickly. Like one babymomma dies or he suddenly has an epiphany that he wants to be in his sons life. And she wouldn't have to deal not only with one but 2 of them?! Yeah h I no.
    via u/leyavin
  • 21
    kelsday84 It's hilarious he said he was "baby trapped" as a teenager because he wasn't ready, but he's trying to force OP, a teenager, to date someone with TWO kids.
    via u/kelsday84
  • 22
    femmeexxazure Yeah, NTA. Look, dating is about finding someone you connect with and whose life situation works for you. Kids are a huge factor, and it's totally okay to know that's not something you're ready for, especially at 19.
    via u/femmeexxazure
  • 23
    _kits_ No 19 year old should be dating a 25 year old. That's too much of an age gap at that point, and 19 you don't need to be a mother or step mother yet, even if that's the plan. Live your life.
    via u/_kits_
  • 24
    jobbypundit ⚫8h ago NTA "Younger girls liked experienced men" No further explanation needed
    via u/jobbypundit
  • 25
    SwimmingProgram6530 NTA. How the h_I is he a victim? Stay clear of this man child.
    via u/SwimmingProgram6530
  • 26
    Sure-Grand3444 OP He said that when the first child was conceived, his partner was 18 and he was 17. So basically, he was a minor at the time, and he wasn't dating his baby mama. Tbh I thought he was a good guy but when he said he doesn't see his kids, it made me change my opinion. Maybe I don't like kids but they are YOUR kids. You have to be responsible for them.
    via u/Sure-Grand3444
  • 27
    Biddles1stofhername His BM is a year older than him. He wasn't exactly groomed. They were irresponsible together. You're being WAY more mature than this "experienced man." Stay firm. You never have to apologize for rejecting someone who doesn't fit with you. He's the one who is handling it poorly, and showing you his true colors in the process. He would 100% be the same way had you gotten in a relationship with him.
    via u/Biddles1stofhername
  • 28
    thequiethunter NTA. No one has a right to an intimate relationship with you. You don't owe him a reason as to why you are not going to date him. Period. You don't owe an apology. You don't owe him anything. It was one date. Period.
    via u/thequiethunter

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