Aunt covers 20-year-old nephew's culinary school tuition, later expects free catering from him for massive engagement party: "You wouldn't have this opportunity if we didn't invest in you"

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to give my family free culinary services for a party.

    "My family has been treating me as some free personal chef."
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    I (22M) am a trained Chef and recently graduated from a course in culinary school. It was a bit expensive, and my aunt and mom contributed to help me pay the fee there (relevant later) Ever since
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    I finished and started to use my skills to earn some cash, my family has been treating me as some personal chef which I didn't mind at all at first.
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    Cheezburger Image 10466760448
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    It started small helping out at small family gatherings, giving tips on recipes. But now it seems I'm actually expected to be doing real loads of work for free.
  • 06
    Last week, my aunt asked me to cater my cousin's engagement party which she invited 50+ people which was wild as she just approached me while casually saying other professional chefs are too expensive for her.
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    When I said I couldn't do it for free, she acted shocked and said, "We are family, and you wouldn't have this opportunity if I didn't invest in your skills?".
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    Cheezburger Image 10466760192
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    So, she went and spread the word around on how I refused to help her, and some uncles and cousins are telling me how I'm sort of greedy and I should use the opportunity to repay the Favour she did me.
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    I told them I love cooking, but it's my job now, and I can't work for free. Now they're calling me selfish altogether. AITAH?
  • 11
    similar_name4489 NTA but pay back your Mom and Aunt what they contributed ASAP as they viewed it as an investment that they would receive perpetual dividends on. Turn it into a loan you repaid in full to cut that off. If you leave it, they'll hold it over your head forever.
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    Durantula 7 OP Didn't even think of this, ill definitely take this as a loan and pay them back
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    Beneficial-Union-229 Fifty people is a big deal. Of course you should be paid. Your aunt should be supplying all the food too. My son is a chef. After he received his red seal everyone and their brother wanted him to cook for them for free. It's one thing to cook
  • 14
    a meal for your immediate family but this is ridiculous. I told him that he spent a good long time becoming a chef so he could be paid to cook. Never work for free unless you want to. Don't let anyone guilt trip you!!
  • 15
    Character-Rush-5440 for real! 50 people?! That's a massive job, no way should it be free. Like, it's your actual job now, not just something you do for fun. Good for you for standing your ground!
  • 16
    - Around HFOutHF OP Pay interest on the loan ... pay even MORE interest than what you would have incurred on a personal bank loan. If possible, PAY NOW! It nay be worth your peace of mind to take out a personal loan to cover it, but if that is not possible, do what you can.
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    Pay with a SMILE, not in anger or petulance. You don't want them to turn the repayment into a story about you being petty. Express gratitude and regret about not immediately paying back the money. If they say it wasn't a loan, but was a gift, say "No, no ... it's too much money to be a gift!"
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    Gifts don't come with strings ... nor does a true gift giver constantly point out the value of the gift and what the recipient "owes" them in exchange.
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    Unfortunately, you were not prepared for their behavior. Responses going forward are that you are booked for whatever day they request ... or that you are tentatively booked (Client paid a small deposit to hold the spot/
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    day), or that you have prep work for an upcoming assignment ... etc. You don't have to lie... since you are always in career and business-building mode, ALL of your time is prep time for future events.
  • 21
    Durantula 7 OP I will definitely give back more so there's nothing to say about it again
  • 22
    StuffedSquash No, don't give them extra "interest" for no reason... It's nice to imagine that'll get them to back off but I see no reason to believe it actually will. It's just a waste of money. Maybe in the future, not when you're a 22 yo trying to make it in the culinary world.
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    - puntacana24 NTA Just because she helped pay for your training doesn't make you her personal servant. If she was hoping to gain something out of her "charity" then it is not really charity.
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    KatBD19961996 Seems like she only put money towards the course as a way to use their skills for her own personal gain later on.
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    Straight-Ad-5781 NTA. She's asking you for product, time, and labor. She should be paying you. Even if it wasn't a standard rate, she should've offered to pay you.
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    Not that you have to, but if you want to smooth things over, I'd agree to make the dessert and a batch cocktail (so long as she supplies everything or reimburses you for any ingredients you bought)
  • 27
    Lizwings This is so much more reasonable. I really don't understand how the Aunt could possibly think that a person fresh out of school (who needed "loans" from them to get through that school) would possibly have the money to be able to cater food for over 50 people.
  • 28
    Like, if she was just expecting a discount, that could be reasonable. But who has that kind of cash available in your situation? NTA.
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    AnIncredibleldiot NTA. Start saving up now so you can pay your mother and aunt back. Let them know you are working towards this goal too. Meanwhile, go low contact with this woman as she's being downright mean to you.
  • 30
    You could say something like, "I'm sorry Aunt X for the misunderstanding. I thought you helped me pay for culinary school because you loved me and wanted to help me succeed in life, not because you saw me as an investment you could later exploit for
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    free labor. I understand now why you invested in my education, and I'm working to save up enough to pay you and mom back for your contributions since you are unsatisfied in your return on investment.
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    Now that it's clear you don't value me as a person, but only for what I can do for you for free, I think it's best we limit contact until I'm able to pay you back fully. And since you see fit to involve other members of the family, I'll be letting them know I'm paying you back as well since I was the one who misunderstood your intentions.
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    This should clarify for everyone what will be happening moving forward: 1. I am not working for free catering large events or preparing full meals for other people.
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    2. I will happily contribute a dish if discussed beforehand for an event where family is gathering, but I reserve the right to veto any suggestions | find unreasonable.
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    3. Any further discussions on this topic are unwelcome. You've made it very clear what you expect, and I've made it clear you will not be receiving that in return. If you try to argue this point further I will walk away or end the conversation. This is not up for debate. You cannot convince me otherwise.
  • 36
    pottersquash NTA. Its called Friends and Family DISCOUNT not Friends and Family Disfree
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    hereforyounot NTA Your family is not being fair here. If you pay for someone's schooling it's either A - a gift, no repayment is expected or B - a loan, repayment is expected and this was made clear to the person borrowing. What it's definitely not is a right to free services from that person whenever they demand it.

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